GIFTED MINISTER AND MUSICIAN David
Ault told me an extraordinary story: After David's sister
had passed last year, he took his mother to visit his sister's
grave. To David's surprise he noticed that another gravesite
had been reserved next to his sister's. "Who is
that gravesite for?" he asked his mom.
"Me," she answered.
"Are you ill?"
"No, I just want to be near my family."
Though startled, David was pleased at the loving foresight behind
his mom's decision.
"Then may I have this dance?" David asked his mom.
"What do you mean?"
"Let's dance on your grave."
Mom took a moment of thought and answered, "Well, that
sounds like a great idea!" And dance the two did. Probably
one of the most memorable of their lives.
As we approach the end of this year, issues of parting and completion
may come up for many of us. Another year gone by, and what do
we have to show for it? Perhaps you have had to say goodbye
to a relationship, job, or living situation. Perhaps a loved
one has passed on. Life is full of beginnings and endings, and
all of us have our share.
We are all familiar with the marriage vow, "'Til
death do us part." For some people this promise strikes
a note of hope and vision for a lifetime connection. For others
it breeds terror at the prospect of a commitment never to be
escaped.
Death is not a happy prospect for most of us, and rightfully
so. Death should be distasteful, for it is only half of 
the
story of life changes. If we are to look upon death honestly,
we must acknowledge that on its other side is life. Death is
not a ticket to oblivion, but a corridor to greater light.
I would suggest that marriage, relationship, career, or goal
vows include the phrase, "Til breath do us part." If
something ends, it is for two reasons: 1) The life force that
initiated and sustained it is no longer breathing through it;
2) That same life force is moving in a new direction. In the
big picture of life our commitment to life force is far more
important than a commitment to something that was once imbued
by the spirit of joy but no longer is.
Before you get your knickers in a knot and interpret this suggestion
as a blanket license to run away from relationships or carte
blanche for commitment phobia, hear this: Many relationships,
jobs, and living situations still do bestow life force, and
would be empowered to continue. In our latté-on-the-run society
our attention span has shrunk to sound bytes no longer than
a fleeting MTV scene, and many of us are hard-pressed to sit
still long enough to be fully present with whatever we are doing.
This is a far greater spiritual malady than the ending of a
particular relationship or job. If speed is an addiction, our
culture is a hardcore junkie. Pascal noted, "All of man's troubles
stem from his inability to sit quietly in a room alone." Gandhi
echoed, "There is more to life than increasing its speed." Or
running to the next thing before you are complete with the last.
When breath, not death, becomes your guide, crossroad choices
become far clearer and easier. A Course
in Miracles tells us, "When you have learned how to decide
with God, all decisions become as easy and as right as breathing.
There is no effort and you will be led as gently as if you were
being carried down a quiet path in summer." Now that sounds
a lot more appealing than angst-ing over whether you should
stay or leave.
If someone or something has left you by surprise, or seemingly
unfairly, you are in a perfect position to affirm, "Til
breath do us part." Life itself is breath, and if Great Spirit
has breathed someone out of your life, there is a reason. Rest
assured that the same life force that breathed them out will
breathe someone or something else in. Spirit is intelligent
and responsible. Know this, and fear will have no power over
you.
Everyone comes into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Some people show up for a momentary shared purpose and move
on as quickly as they came. Others walk by our side for a significant
phase of life. (Sometimes those who challenge us fall into this
category as well.) Others are lifetime companions, and we are
truly blessed by these. Real friends are with us even when we
do not see them, as we are with them.
Breath brings us together and breath moves us apart. Breath
starts years and ends them. The breath of life is like the breath
of our body: for every breath out, there is a new one in. Inspiration,
release; inspiration, release. Let us complete this year not
with regret or lament, but with breath, which not only does
us part, but most profoundly does us join.
