"MY SON IS STARTING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES about his father or I disappearing," the interviewer tells me.

"How old is he?" I ask.

"He's five," her voice has the quality of one trying to be calm and finding the task difficult. Her love for her son is eclipsed with her fear for his well-being.

"What does he tell you?" I am encouraging her to separate the facts of what her son has said is occurring from her interpretation of what she heard.

"Since he turned five, he wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes crying, sometimes murmuring. He doesn't say a whole lot."

"How often does this happen?" My questions are encouraging her to slow down, to be in the now rather than scattered in an imagined past that casts a shadow of anxiety into her future.

She pauses, reflecting, then says, "It's happened three times. Once he was crying in his sleep and when I woke him, it stopped. The other two times he was really frightened."

Now that she has identified three incidents, she can focus on each one, separating the unique elements. "Do you know what he was frightened of?"

"The first time - when I woke him - no. He didn't even remember it happening the next morning. The second time he couldn't talk, he was crying too hard and eventually went back to sleep. That time he did remember being scared but wouldn't, or couldn't, tell me why."

The accuracy of a loving parent's recall is always astounding to me. When the mind is keyed into the event, the details are remarkably clear.

She continues, "The last time, when I came into his bedroom, he was shouting, 'Don't take mommy away! Don't take mommy away!' I immediately grabbed him up to let him know I was there."

"What did you say to him?" Of all the answers to my questions, this one is the most revealing.

She takes her time, finally saying, "I told him, 'Jon, mommy's here. No one is taking me away. It was just a dream."

Shifting Realities

There is a slow awakening happening on the planet. For millennia, our species has been developing the means to sustain itself, to survive. Now we are becoming aware of the responsibilities of choices we have made in the past five hundred years, the time period of the rise of science. We are "going green", determining who lives and who dies, and carving our own spirituality.

We are becoming conscious creators, beginning to see what the fulfilling of our desires of ten, fifty, or one hundred years ago has set into motion. Sometimes those effects are productive - like a pleasant dream. Sometimes they are not, becoming a living nightmare we must somehow awaken from. Wisdom is possessing the conscience to know the difference.

Most people believe wisdom is the product of old age. Certainly, it can be. Yet, it must be said that the passage of time, alone, does not guarantee wisdom. Wisdom is the product of living well, not necessarily in the physical sense, definitely in the spiritual sense. That kind of wisdom exists in every soul, at every age. It can be cultivated when we are children, in the attitude, stories, and example set by the parents.

In today's world, dreaming has yet to be valued in our academic circles. Since we do not teach about dreaming in our schools, we do not learn the science of dreaming. Although dreams may be prized in some religious scriptures, most religious leaders do not instruct on dreaming, so the faithful do not learn the art of dreaming. As a result, most human parents do not teach their young about dreams.

That does not stop dreams from occurring.

Ancient wisdom teaches us that dreaming has evolved over time and space, parallel with humanity's evolution. Dreaming appears in every culture the planet has known, and until recent times has been the domain of the chiefs, shamans, medicine men, kings, and philosophers.

Modern science teaches us that we sleep in cycles, and that if you sleep, you dream. Metaphysics teaches us how and why dreaming occurs, both in the day and in the night. As we become educated, we can educate our children assisting them in sustaining the ties to their internal wisdom.

Usually, parents don't teach about dreams because they don't know about them. They may not value dreamtime, rarely remembering their own. This mindset lays the foundation for the most common dream experience - the nightmare. Since the economic shift was made public in February 2008 through June 2009, a record 52% of the dreams reported to dreamschool.org included elements making those dreams nightmares. Over 90% of the dreamers were over 20 years of age. You might think this alarming. We find it encouraging because people want insight into why their dreams are frightening. As adults learn more, they can pass on what they know to young people.

As a species, we are moving toward greater awareness of ourselves as creators. We are developing the conscience that says, "I need to offer more to my child than empty promises of 'It was just a dream' that I no longer believe. I need to learn more, so I have more to offer." This is the slow awakening happening on Earth.

A Short Course On
PARENTING WISE SOULS

Recently, I received an email from a mother who is experiencing this awakening. Her email lays the foundation for a simple course in what I like to call Parenting Wise Souls. Here is what she wrote:

Good day,

I hope you can help. I have a two-year old (she will be turning 3 next month) who often has nightmare-type dreams. They do not usually unsettle her too much, but one part of this is my worry that she is 'being brave' by not overacting to her dreams. She is a thoughtful, sensitive child who thinks and reasons a lot for her age - for example, several months ago her father and I volunteered at an orphanage and explained it to her in terms of the children not having mummies and daddies and needing some help. Her first question, after a brief frown and think, was "Do they burn themselves?" Surprised, we asked why they should. She responded that if they have no mummies and daddies they must have to cook their own yummies and the stove is very hot.

My worry is that many of her dreams involve some kind of threat to me. Once, a monster was standing at my cupboard door, "tearing up mummy's clothes", another time her father had taken my owl and she woke up tearfully demanding that he give it back to me because it was mine. Also, penguins have scratched her and I with their toes. I usually do the knee-jerk, "Don't worry, it's only a dream and if anyone did tear up my clothes I would just buy some more." routine. But now I worry that, as in the piece on your website, some of my own insecurities and frustrations are seeping through to her. Or worse - that there's something that she feels she has to protect me from. This has sinister connotations if the thought is being planted by an external individual.

Please help give me some perspective.

CA

An awake mother, CA's account illuminates several of the experiences parents face everyday. The conscious parent is observant, engaged, and imaginative. As children bring experiences to them, questions surface in the parents' minds.

How do I respond to my child's nightmare? How can I stop my child's pain, protect her from her own mind? How can I be more objective when my child is afraid? How can I resolve my own fear? Is my child telling me the truth of his experience? Can I help him understand that experience? How can I encourage and develop my child's innate intelligence?

The answer to all of these questions moves like a boomerang, coming back to the questioner. The child's dilemma serves as a stimulus for greater Self-realization. This is the new awakening in the mind of the conscious parent. In earlier times, people had children to continue the species. Later, children were the means to further the lineage or as insurance for the parent's elderly years. Children on this planet have been part of an attitude of survival, be it bloodlines, traditions, or inner secrets. This way of thinking fed the fight or flight animal instinct in humanity. Self-realization had yet to enter the thinking.

With the advances of science and technology, the way we see ourselves and our children is changing. The most brilliant among us have shared their genius, making it easier for us to live longer, healthier, and physically easier lives. Increasingly, we can afford to want more for ourselves and our posterity than survival. Now that physical life is worth living, we find ourselves craving, in the words of Socrates, "a life worth examining." Accomplishing this requires new ways of thinking and new tools to think with.

Self-Realization is the FIRST STEP
in conscious parenting.

CA says her three-year-old daughter has begun to experience "nightmare-type dreams" that "do not usually unsettle her too much." The mother says she is worried that her daughter is "being brave" by not overacting to her dreams. Later, the mother acknowledges an example of this by telling her daughter, "Don't worry, it's only a dream...".

Connecting these two thoughts gives the mother the insight she is seeking into her relationship with her daughter. In this light, the daughter is merely the stimulus for the mother to explore her own truth. The truth that can be perceived is within the mother, not the daughter.

CA describes her response to her daughter as "knee-jerk". The mother is self-disclosing and self-evaluating. This implies a developed sense that the response is thoughtless, less than what she is capable of or even wants to give her daughter. The knee-jerk reply describes a reaction in thinking that can be improved upon. For that improvement to take place in mom's mind, she must face her own thoughts about "being brave". By exploring how she understands being brave, light can be brought to the cause of the knee-jerk reaction. Does being brave mean withholding emotion in the belief that one is controlling one's feelings? Or perhaps it is an attitude of keeping a stiff upper lip, dealing with a problem on your own. Or perhaps being brave means not troubling others.

As the mother explores where her thinking is coming from, she can identify the points where she tends to overact to her daughter's dreams. Once accomplished, she will no longer be tempted to dismiss them with the "only a dream" reply.

Clarity in her own thinking frees the mom to honor her daughter's innate intelligence. CA describes her three year old as "thoughtful and sensitive", commenting that her daughter thinks and reasons a lot for her age. This is an honest parental pride evidenced by the example CA provides of her daughter's keen imagination and reasoning in wondering how the orphaned babies would feed and care for themselves.

CA is observant. She receives her child. She listens to what her child says. She thinks about what she hears. If this sounds like the basics of a parenting manual, it is. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually receiving your child is as important as physically receiving them. CA knows this because her offer to buy herself new clothes if someone tears them up in her daughter's dreams is a lame substitute for understanding why such a thing would enter her daughter's slumber. Mental and emotional experiences - which dreams are - require mental and emotional responses. Receiving, listening, and thinking are three of these.

By what she writes, CA discloses herself to be Self-aware and Other-Observant. She is willing to look at herself - "I worry that some of my own insecurities and frustrations are seeping through to her" - and wants to improve. In this way, she is an example of the awakening possible in today's world. This is the first step in Parenting Wise Souls, accounting for your - the parent's - own Self-Realization.

I'M Awake, Now,
How Will This Help My Child?

Self-Realization is the beginning of your journey to be a creator. As you neutralize your judgements, letting go of prejudices, you allow a safe and loving space for your child to enter.

The SECOND STEP for parenting a wise soul is
receiving your child.

There is much to discover in receiving a new soul into this world. Parents are like midwives, standing in attendance as a soul takes on the physical robes of earth. We are privileged to witness this transition, and responsible for creating an environment where that soul's wisdom can be acknowledged, cultivated, and matured.

In the earlier years of the outer, conscious mind's development the growth seems slow. Impatience can surface in the soul who is eager to get on with its duty in life, yet the inexperience of the toddler form seems cumbersome and ill-equipped for great tasks. Yet, have we not seen video of the young Tiger Woods playing golf at age 4 on Johnny Carson's latenight show, or 6-year-old Connie Talbot bringing tears to everyone's eyes with her rendition of Somewhere over the Rainbow on "Britain's Got Talent"? Brilliance shines very early.

Conscious parenting means being prepared. Having invested in your own Self Awareness, you are establishing soul connections of your own daily. This makes you well-equipped for parenting. Aiding in this process is your education in the dream worlds. Before, your child's cries wake you in the middle of the night, here are the questions to ask yourself.

Is this experience a nightmare or a night terror?

These are different. A nightmare can be interpreted. A night terror will not be recalled in the conscious mind.

A nightmare can be related. It can be described. A nightmare is a function of content of consciousness. The child can tell you what is in the dream. A night terror is a function of state of mind. The individual, usually a child, will have eyes open, often scream, and no one else will not be able to awaken him or her. The episode will pass in less than a half hour and the child will let go, falling back into sleep.

Nightmares can be interpreted and understood in a conceptual and meaningful sense. Night terrors are a symptom of being caught between two worlds, something that developing the attention span and concentration improvement will cure.

If your child experiences night terrors, eliminate tech-fare in your home and in his or her world. No television, movies, ipods, the like. Instead play games that strengthen decision making, coordination of mind and body (hopscotch to martial arts), and concentration strengtheners, like cloud-watching, spelling bees, and singing.

If your child experiences nightmares, proceed to Step Three.

When Your Dog is Not Your Dog

STEP THREE in Parenting Wise Souls
comes with understanding the dream experiences.

CA offers three dream scenarios in her email that she has identified as nightmares. Each offers her insight into her daughter's experience as a two-year-old.

1. A monster was standing at my cupboard door "tearing up mummy's clothes"
2. Her father had taken my owl and she woke up tearfully demanding that he give it back to me because it was mine.
3. Penguins have scratched her and I (mom) with their toes.

Monsters are common in childhood dreams. They usually surface as a result of a projection of the adults around the child. The child awakes, sobbing and having difficulty speaking. The well-intended adult prompts, "Was it a bad dream? Did something frighten you? Was it a monster?" To which the traumatized child often nods and cries more thus affirming in the conjecture in the adult's mind. What began as an experience in the child's mind has transferred to the adult's imaginings and may well proceed from there.

Dreams work the same way for all of us, young or old. The inner mind draws upon the people, places and things from our everyday life to convey its messages. For a child, the inner mind will draw primarily upon people in the home. If the child spends blocks of time away, for instance at school, the people and activities from this place may surface in the dreams. The inner mind may also draw upon the media images (television, movies, videos) and fairy tales the child has seen and heard. Most of the monsters in children's dreams today come from other people's thoughts - be it the big bad wolf or Ewoks.

How children confront something unknown in a dream depends largely upon how they respond when awake. Are they fearful or brave? CA wonders this about her daughter. Now, we can see why the first step in teaching your child dream awareness is claiming our own thoughts about what our children tell us. Knowing how to give your full attention to one person at a time is an essential life skill worth learning, practicing, and mastering. As parents master this skill, attention deficit labeling will lose its status in modern society. Love will replace fear and compassion will replace drugs.

Step two, is to listen to the child. Neutral questions: Why are you crying? Is it physical? Is it in your thinking (or other words that child might associate with thoughts)? What happened? Who was there? One of the most valuable concepts I learned at the university j(ournalism)-school was what makes for objective reporting. To report is to establish what the event is, who was present, where it was held, when it took place, how it was done, and then why. This order of discerning the facts of an event is most useful when identifying the scene, theme, and characters in your child's dream.

In the Owl Dream, it appears that the father's child stole something belonging to the mother. We do not know if the owl is a family pet, a stuffed animal, or if it exists in the physical world at all. We do know the owl symbolizes wisdom. Dreams relate to the previous day's experiences, so the mother might examine the child's interactions the previous day for a way her wisdom was thwarted. A dream like this could also point to a loss of innocence.

Third, receive what the child has to give. Your child will begin with few words. Much more will probably happen in her dreams than she recalls or cares to tell you. All you need do is ask your neutral questions, then listen to the answers she can or will supply. Write them down. They are important to you and will be important to her in the future.

The Penguin Dream tells the mother how her daughter's thinking is advancing. The symbols in this dream are the penguins representing a habit, mother symbolizing superconscious mind, and feet representing spiritual foundation. Something the day before provoked an inner sense of understanding connectedness for her daughter. Perhaps something happened at the playground where CA's daughter felt compelled to help another child, or maybe this dream was commenting on a religious occasion such as a wedding the little girl attended. The advantage the parent possesses is the bigger view, the broader view of the child's everyday experiences and the glimpses of the night time realities. When used wisely, they produce an irreplacable security in the parent, and therefore the child.

When you can decode your child's dream, you can understand his experience. Our son, Hezekiah, is now fourteen years old. I have been keeping a dream journal for him since 2002. One of his earliest entries was this:

Sir (our dog who is one year older than Kie) and I were at war. He was trying to bite me and I was throwing rocks at him. I strangled him and killed him.

This dream was shocking to Kie at the time. He didn't fear Sir, a colley-Australian sheepdog mix, since he had been in the household since Kie's birth. Yet he had recently begun to shy away from larger dogs. Explaining to him that our dog and the dream-Sir were not the same was one of the major parts of his learning with this dream. The message I gave him was this:

There is an inner you and an outer you. The outer you makes the everyday choices - what you'll wear, what you'll eat, what you will talk about, what stories you may read or what games you'll play. The inner you is that still voice inside that speaks throughout the night. The dream-Sir is not our dog, in fact he's not really a dog at all! He's a symbol that's talking about some way you were fighting with yourself yesterday.

Kie knew what that was. He had disagreed with his dad about his bedtime, stubbornly refusing to say goodnight, as was and continues to be his practice. He had shut off his own expression of giving and receiving love and that's why Sir bit him in his dream. After we talked, he made an extra effort to hug his dad goodnight and tell him he loved him.

For those of us fortunate to be raising brilliant souls, introducing a child to dreamlife is a privilege. The more Self-aware we are, the greater the depth of our giving. How we respond to children's nightmares determines how the budding adult will address his or her dreamlife. Make time to record your child's dreams. Learn how to interpret them so you can use them for guidance as a parent. As the child's reasoning capacity expands, so can her ability to interpret her dreams. In time, you will see a heart-centered and head-strong Self-realized individual blossom before your eyes.

© 2009, Dr. Barbara Condron

Dr. Barbara Condron has been studying the Mind and dreams for 50 years. The author of a dozen books including The Dreamer's Dictionary and Every Dream is about the Dreamer, she is project director for the GLOBAL LUCID DREAMING EXPERIMENTS based at the College of Metaphysics. To learn more about the teachings she shares in this column visit www.dreamschool.org. Hundreds of interpreted dreams are at your fingertips. While there, be sure to contribute a dream for the Q&A's Top Ten Dreams of the Week (be sure to note that you are a PLW subscriber) and check out the Dreamschool Program to become a Dreamologist. Sweet dreams!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Since 1977, Dr. Barbara Condron has made guest appearances on radio and television shows and been interviewed by newspapers here and abroad. From WGN in Chicago to WGNO in New Orleans, from PBS Latenight in Detroit to BBC Radio in London, her expertise in her subjects and her ease as a public speaker have made her a media favorite especially on call-in shows. Her affection for using media to connect people was behind the National Dream Hotline®, the annual weekend of sharing dream research sponsored by the School of Metaphysics, a not-for-profit 501(c)3 organization dedicated to developing spiritual potential. She served as International Coordinator for the hotline from its inception in 1989 to 2000.

In 1997, Barbara created www.dreamschool.org to share School of Metaphysics research and answer questions from dreamers online. Now she is pioneering global dream awareness through heading the Global Lucid Dreaming Experiment at the College of Metaphysics in the Midwestern U.S. The experiments seek to collect the largest body of experiential knowledge to date concerning specifically, lucid dreaming, and to analyze the data making it widely known. Her books include The Dreamer's Dictionary and Every Dream is about the Dreamer. She also created the documentary Ten Powers of Dreaming, a study of dreams that have changed the course of history.