WHATEVER
QUALITIES YOU HAVE, NO MATTER HOW LIMITED or broad they may
be in your own mind, veteran corporate executive Marilyn Tam can show
you how to use what you’ve got for both personal and professional
success.
Tam should know. Tam was born in Hong Kong, where men dominate the business
landscape. Tam readily admits that she was not the highest priority
in the family. She never aspired to be either a beauty queen or a trophy
wife, which was the case for many women while Tam was growing up.
Early on, she recognized that what seemed to be disadvantages in her
life were in fact keys to personal and professional freedom. Ultimately,
she landed in the U.S. and became the vice president of Apparel and
Accessories for Nike, Inc., president of the Reebok Apparel and Retail
Group, and CEO (chief executive officer) of the Aveda Corporation. Tam
was also the co-founder of three other corporations, although her road
to success has had the proverbial bumps. Now, she shares the secrets
of her overwhelming success in her new book, How to Use
What You’ve Got to Get What You Want.
Tam, who
now enjoys the good life in Santa Barbara, California, heads her own
foundation and lectures around the world. Through her life experiences
she has identified four basic principles that have helped her to realize
her dreams:
1. Truth:
Tell the truth all the time. Why complicate your life by having to remember
lies?
2. Partner: Make me your partner. Find people who support
your ideas and endeavors. Make them your allies.
3. Mistakes: Make big mistakes. This way, you can learn
from them. Small mistakes are things done carelessly.
4. Sword: Die by your own sword. Hold on to your convictions
and fight for your ideas.
Tam also
advises that if you need something you do not have to reach your goals,
go elsewhere for them. Charisma is a typical example Tam provides, “You
need it to get ahead in the world.” She advises, “And if
you don’t have it, go hire it!”
Chapter
3
Finding Your Mission
If you bring forth what is within you,
What you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you,
What you do not bring forth will destroy you.
—
Attributed to Jesus from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas
MANY
PEOPLE GO THROUGH LIFE WORKING and living without knowing what’s
most important to them, trudging along in a life of others’ expectations.
They have unconsciously accepted what they have learned from family
and from society as to what they should be doing. There is no consideration
of whether the roles they took on are really what give them joy and
inner peace. They do not look inside for the answers even when they
sense something is unfulfilling about their lives. They go through life
waiting for something or somebody to tell them why they exist.
Others are so busy “doing” that they do not take the time
to reflect on why they do what they do. They do not pause to question
why they don’t feel joyful and fulfilled as they forge ahead,
day after day. They go through their whole lives, never asking defining
questions like these: “What is in me? What is my passion, my reason
for being [TRUTH]?”
Without
answering those questions, people will never discover the true reason
for their existence. Their odds of looking back one day and wondering
what it was all about are great.
Your
Life—The Dash
My dear friend Glenn is an Emergency Room physician and medical director.
In the 30 years he’s been practicing medicine, he has seen many
near-death situations and many people die. It has given him an interesting
perspective on our culture’s attitude toward life and death. He
says that we put the dates of a person’s birth and death on a
gravestone with only a dash in between to denote their life and contribution.
For example, all we know from a gravestone inscribed with the words:
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) is that Abraham Lincoln was 56 years old
when he died. We do not know that he literally held the United States
of America together when it might have split apart, that he freed the
slaves, and that he was a powerful orator whose vision and speeches
moved a nation.
The dash symbolizes our entire lives—the time we have to create
meaning for our families, our communities, our countries, the world,
and ourselves. We are the ones responsible for what we do with our lives.
We are the ones who will one day look back and determine whether the
life we lived was happy and if it was one we were proud to have lived.
Like Abraham Lincoln, we do not know when our lives may end, so we need
to ask the question now: “What is the purpose of our lives?”
For an individual or a company, the answer to that question determines
the mission. The action steps follow the mission.
Abraham Lincoln was clear about what he wanted to do with his life.
He had a focused mission and he put everything he encountered through
that filter. He died suddenly with no warning, but he died fulfilling
his inner calling, doing what he could to achieve his life purpose.
This man was of humble farm origins, primarily self-taught, and overcame
his shyness to become not only the President of the United States, but
a pivotal figure in history. He brought forth what was within himself
and reached a level of accomplishment that no one would have predicted
based on his background. Once he found his inner calling, he worked
tirelessly and enthusiastically to achieve his vision.
Action
Points
To live a life that you will be proud of, you have to know your mission
and follow it. In living your purpose, you will feel satisfied that
your time spent on earth was worthwhile.
1. Determine what is most important for you.
2. Structure your life in order to fulfill it.
3. Live each day as if it were your only one.
How Do You Find Your Mission?
When you think about that dash—the length of your life between
your birth and death—what do you want it to say about you? Ask
yourself what is most important instead of what is most urgent. What
gives you joy and a sense of satisfaction?
These are the big questions that you need to answer in order to proceed
in life. Some people find it by taking time to meditate and reflect.
Other people find it after encountering some life-threatening incident.
And others find it after being hit by some emotional or financial disaster.
The key to finding it is to ask yourself honestly and fearlessly: What
really makes you happy? What gives you inner peace [TRUTH]?
Equipped with the answers to these questions, you can then organize
your life to bring you peace and happiness.
I found my mission when I first experienced injustice at 11 years of age.
I discovered that my friend and classmate’s family
was so poor that they all lived in one rented room. I was struck by
the inequality of life and determined to devote my life to helping others.
From that defining incident, I discovered my life mission was to make
things better—to be of service to people and to the planet. The
idea of easing suffering and creating joy and peace was what gave me
happiness and inner peace. From the moment I recognized my mission,
I put every decision and action of significance through that screen:
Does this fulfill my mission? Is there a way of doing this so that it
serves the greater good?
That filter made decisions easy for me and I was comfortable knowing
that whatever the outcome, I was following the right course for me.
By being true to my mission in life, I was listening to my inner guide
and doing what ultimately brought me peace and happiness.
Your
life mission is the north point in your personal compass.
Use it to guide you in your life decisions.
“I
have written my life in small sketches, a little today, a little yesterday
. . .
I look back on my life as a good day’s work, it was done and I
feel satisfied with it.
I made the best out of what life offered.”
— Anna Mary Robertson, a.k.a. Grandma Moses (1860-1961)
Grandma
Moses started painting in her 70s when her arthritis made it difficult
for her to do her beloved needlepoint. She took up painting as another
artistic outlet and was discovered by the art world when she was nearing
80 years old. She went on to enjoy her last 20-plus years as a respected
and well-compensated painter.
Whether through needlepoint or painting, Grandma Moses found what gave
her joy—creating beauty she could share with others. The fame
and fortune she garnered was wonderful, but first of all, she had the
desire and the mission to create art and share the beauty.
It was in fulfilling her inner calling and doing what gave her personal
satisfaction first, not what had been prescribed by others that made
her happy and successful. She used painting as a means of expressing
her mission, to share the beauty she saw in her world. Painting was
merely the way she expressed her mission. It was not the mission itself.
How
you actually express your mission may change with time
and circumstances, but the key is to stay focused on the
mission, not on the current way of manifesting it.
In her
own words, Grandma Moses made the best of what life had to offer. She
used what she had to get what she wanted—to share her delight
in the wonders of country life. First she did it with needlepoint, then,
when she couldn’t do that any more, she painted. She was fulfilled
and contented in what she did with her life—with the dash. She
lived her mission.
Look
at your life and see what assets and passions you have
and capitalize on them first for your own personal fulfillment.
In the process, you will also enrich the world.
When I worked as an intern in the State of Oregon Governor’s office,
my boss Gary was a brilliant man with several Ph.D.’s to his name.
One day, over a rare, leisurely lunch, he told me a story about his
life that I have never forgotten. He said that when he was going to
graduate school, he worked in a photography darkroom to pay his way.
The work was so boring and monotonous that he used to keep his imagination
engaged by counting how many photos he had to process to pay for a loaf
of bread, a carton of milk, a pack of toilet paper, etc. When he wasn’t
doing that, he was counting the hours until his shift was over. Needless
to say, he was not very good at his work.
Yet, when we worked together in the Governor’s office, Gary was
so engaged in his work that he paid little attention to the time. He
always got to work before 7 A.M. and stayed late every night. The difference
was, in that job, Gary was helping to create a closed energy system
for the State of Oregon. It was a big idea that held the promise of
changing the way the whole state would utilize energy. It had the potential
to change the world. And Gary loved doing it. He was so passionate,
in fact, that he continually motivated me to work harder and think bigger.
Working with him was exciting and inspiring.
I have often thought about his story of the pure drudgery he felt in
the darkroom, counting every penny he was making to survive. The contrast
with his work in the Governor’s office makes it so clear that
you can only do great work when you’re doing what’s important
to you. You’ll never make great strides in anything you don’t
care about.
That’s why it’s so important to find out what you want.
When your mission corresponds with what you really want to do, you open
the doors to greatness.
Personally, I loved working in a darkroom. I fondly remember the hours
I spent with my brother as a twelve-year-old, and later in college,
experimenting and processing film. My brother loved it so much he became
a professional photographer.
It
is not the task but how we feel about the task that makes
it meaningful. Knowing your mission and following it
means that you will enjoy what you do.
A
Better Mousetrap
Often, people start developing a business or a project from some idea,
skill, or tangible asset that they have. However, they forget to ask
the most important questions: Do I believe in this? Does this resonate
with who I am? Finding out your ultimate goal and mission [TRUTH]
gives you more options for finding a way to fulfill your mission.
It is easy to be swayed away from one’s mission by what may be
convenient or what seems to be obvious. I was good in math when I was
in school; I was already doing college math in tenth grade. Because
of the cultural stereotyping about Asians being good in the sciences,
I felt I had to struggle to be clear about what I personally wanted
instead of what was expected of me. My extended family and teachers
were encouraging me to follow the customary science career route [MISTAKE].
But my heart was in helping people and in making a positive difference,
not in working with numbers and becoming an accountant or a chemist.
I had to risk their disapproval over my nonconformity [SWORD]
if I intended to follow my dream of working at the World Health Organization.
To be true to what was calling me, I had to do something other than
what was programmed for me.
How does one know—or have the fortitude—to strike off on
the path less followed? In my case, it was because from a very young
age, I had to depend on myself to survive.
Growing
up in an unsupportive environment with scarce outside counsel, I had
learned to listen to my inner guidance. I had sought help wherever I
could find it, instead of waiting for someone to help me. Since I wasn’t
getting any mentoring or counsel from the people around me, I depended
on books, nature, and Spirit to show me the way.
My childhood background taught me to ask the key questions in life.
In business, it taught me to make sure that my projects were strong
and viable before I embarked on them.
My father was trained as a barrister. He expected clear, incisive explanations
for any of my actions. He expected me to be prepared with thorough,
well-thought-out, and well-organized plans before he would allow me
to proceed with any project. Whether it was a school project or a group
outing, it had to be organized and explained to his satisfaction. Furthermore,
since my family didn’t offer any support or advice on my projects,
I had to be doubly diligent to ensure I had all contingencies accounted
for ahead of time. This meant asking questions and more questions so
that I could minimize the risk of failure, since any failure was met
with ridicule and scorn.
At every opportunity, I asked: Is this truly in line with my mission?
Who is this going to serve? Is there a large enough market for this
[TRUTH]? Am I prepared to do what this requires of
me? What am I prepared to risk for this [SWORD]? Can
I get the resources necessary to accomplish this? Can I get the support
I need to do it [PARTNER]? How long is this going to
take? What if it takes much longer? Who else is doing this? If no one
else is doing this, why not [MISTAKE]?
Let me give you an example of how these questions functioned in a real
life situation at Wasabi, a company I cofounded and sold before launching.
Wasabi Mission Questions
In September of 1998, I met with two friends to discuss developing a
business to capitalize on our passion and resources to spread the social
and environmental message through the burgeoning Internet business.
We spent many hours and days discussing and testing concepts that might
work in the developing business to consumer (B2C) market on the Internet.
We decided to form the company, Wasabi, to serve our target consumer
when we reached what we felt was critical mass.
These are the kinds of questions to which we subjected our idea before
continuing:
Q: Why do we want to do this [TRUTH]?
Wasabi : We believe in serving social and environmentally conscious
consumers, and making a difference.
Q: Is there a definable market niche?
Wasabi : Yes, the Cultural Creatives.
Q: Is it a big enough market to warrant our project?
Wasabi : Yes, over 25 percent of the U.S. population.
Q: Is anyone else doing it?
Wasabi : In part.
Q: If it’s such a good idea, why hasn’t it been done before?
Wasabi : The technology hasn’t been invented before.
Q: Are other people thinking about doing this?
Wasabi : Probably.
Q: Who are they?
Wasabi: Other providers of services for Culture Creatives: Yoga Journal,
Utne Reader, baby boomer magazines, NPR, PBS, etc.
Q: How will we compete with them?
Wasabi : We need critical mass. Let’s enfold them by getting them
to advertise, offer products, and provide content for our portal. Let’s
make them part of the team [PARTNER].
Q: Do we have the financial backing to do this?
Wasabi : We plan to seek funding from people we know: the founders of
Earthlink, Yahoo!, major cell phone companies, Estée Lauder,
entertainment people, creative writers, and other business people open
to investment.
Q: What don’t we have?
Wasabi : Call center and Distribution.
Q: How will we get the products out to the customers?
Wasabi : We don’t need to recreate the wheel. We’ll find
an existing distributor like Gaiam’s Harmony catalogue, which
has an excellent call center and an extensive warehouse/distribution
operation.
Q: Do we have enough of what it takes to have a high probability of
success?
Wasabi : Yes. Our operational people are on the way. We have pulled
together the content, products, and marketing. We’ve gotten the
financial backing and created an aggregate of providers. We’re
ready to go [SWORD]!
As you
know from Chapter 2, Wasabi was so well put together that we didn’t
even need to launch it. We sold before we opened the doors. And our
success wasn’t accidental. Once the right questions were asked
and answered the strength of the mission was clear.
Action
Points
Ask the hard questions to make sure that your project is strong and
viable before you embark on it. Here are a few to get you started, but
you’ll soon discover that there are many more:
1. Is this truly in line with my mission?
2. Who is this going to serve?
3. Is there a large enough customer-base?
4. Am I prepared to do what this requires of me?
5. What am I prepared to risk for this?
6. Can I get the resources necessary to accomplish this?
7. Can I get the support I need to do it?
8. How long is this going to take and what if it takes much longer?
9. Who else is doing this? If no one else is doing this, why?
Us
Foundation Mission
You may not always have a first time out success. I can tell you from
painful personal experience that sometimes things won’t quite
work as you envision them. I had been determined to make a positive
difference in life since childhood. And yet, I failed miserably in my
first attempt at creating a nonprofit foundation that would make a difference
[MISTAKE].
A mutual friend introduced me to a man we’ll call Jim. Jim had
a near-death experience that had transformed his life, and he too wanted
to make a contribution to the world as an expression of his gratitude
for being alive. With our mutual passion to give back to the world,
it seemed like a natural collaboration. Since he had been introduced
to me by a reputable acquaintance, who was a solid citizen in the community,
I came to the meeting with an open mind.
Jim had big ideas. He wanted to create a global nonprofit that would
build a dialogue between world leaders in order to foster peace and
understanding through the creation of common goals for all nations.
It would be a world where, as my great hero Mahatma Gandhi said, “There
is enough for everyone’s need, but not enough for everyone’s
greed.”
Jim named
his dream “Tolemac” (Camelot spelled backward). His vision
was so inspiring that I quickly got caught up in the idea of making
a difference in the lives of so many. It was easy to believe him because
I had shared the same dream since childhood.
Jim wanted
to fund this dream through complicated stock futures and a stock trading
system. I was not at all versed in the world of investments. My life
had been spent creating tangible goods and services. To me, the stock
market was my father and brother’s domain. I knew it was a world
where vast wealth was easily gained and lost, but its machinations were
vague and uninteresting to me. Because this was my first opportunity
to create a nonprofit and I was inexperienced, my due diligence was
completely inadequate; and in my eagerness, I totally ignored all that
I learned in business about set-up and organization. Looking at Jim’s
lifestyle, I gathered that he had been able to make the system work
and I left it at that. I took Jim at face value. If I had any doubts,
I quelled them, reminding myself of how strongly his words resonated
with my soul and of the fact that a reputable person had referred him.
On this flimsy analysis, I joined forces with Jim to fund and create
our backward Camelot [MISTAKE]. After several months
of encouraging signs, I gave him a check for a significant amount of
money to support the foundation. But as time went by, Jim gradually
became less and less available. Finally, he confessed that his system
was not working and that most of my investment money was gone. He continued
to spin more stories about how he just needed a little more time and
a bit more money to make the system work.
Jim persisted on regaling me with stories of wonderful philanthropic
possibilities. It was becoming more apparent that Jim’s system
did not work, and that my money had probably gone to supplement his
family’s lifestyle. Thankfully, I woke up in time to stop funding
this quixotic dream. There was no way I could get my money back since
it had gone into a worthless investment. Sadder and wiser, I wished
him good luck, and then bade him and my money farewell. Eventually,
Jim sold his huge mansion and left town.
The loss of the opportunity to realize my dream of saving the world
was even more painful than the loss of a significant amount of money.
When I took a hard look at what had happened, I realized that by allowing
the glow of my dream to blind me, I had failed to do what I had always
done in business—ask the right questions and then decide whether
to proceed. It was a painful lesson, but one I never forgot.
After much reflection, I decided that the idea itself had been good.
But the execution had floundered. I returned to my mission of creating
more peace and harmony on the planet and formed a new nonprofit on a
much more solid footing.
This time, I asked the hard questions [TRUTH]:
Q: Why do I want to do this?
A: I want to make a positive difference.
Q: Is there a definable market niche?
A: Yes, a large percentage of the world population is suffering from
hunger and disease. They lack education and other basic human rights.
The environment is degrading daily.
Q: Is it a big enough market to warrant your project?
A: Yes, I only wish it was not such a daunting and enormous market!
Q: Is anyone else doing it?
A: Yes, thankfully, and I intend to collaborate with as many as I can.
Q: If it’s such a good idea, why hasn’t it been done before?
A: It is being done in parts by many agencies and organizations. What
I have to offer is my experience and connections to draw many of them
together for greater leverage.
Q: Are other people thinking about doing this?
A: Probably.
Q: Who are they?
A: Other people and organizations that also see the synergistic power
of joining forces.
Q: How will you compete with them?
A: We need critical mass. Let’s enfold them by getting them to
work together with us, offer ideas, and share connections to make it
happen. Let’s make them part of the team [PARTNER].
Q: Do you have the financial backing to do this?
A: I will start with my own funds and also work with other people and
organizations that have similar missions. We plan to seek funding from
people and organizations we know from other nonprofits I have worked
with and from corporations, which have the desire to give back to the
community.
Q: What don’t you have?
A: An existing 501-c 3 nonprofit designation.
Q: How will you get one?
A: We don’t have to recreate the wheel. Let’s join forces
with a nonprofit that is interested in sponsoring and acting as the
umbrella agency for Us Foundation [PARTNER].
Q: Have you reached critical mass to have a high probability of success?
A: Yes. I have an ethical new partner who has skills that I don’t.
We have a diverse group of talented volunteers. We have pulled together
the mission, strategy, services, and connections necessary to make it
happen. We’ve gotten the financial backing and have a large population
who is eager and in need of our services. We’re ready to go [SWORD]!
Once the
right questions were answered, the strength of the mission was clear.
After my lesson from the Tolemac experience, I was not mesmerized by
the concept only, but did the entire practical due diligence that any
significant project should be subjected to. This time I was comfortable
proceeding, knowing that I was doing my best and that if I failed this
time, it would still be worthwhile.
The Us Foundation was founded on the premise that “There’s
only Us, no them.” The idea is that we are all on this planet
together and we have to support each other because each person is part
of the whole world. Whatever happens to one part affects everything
else.
Now, seven years later, Us Foundation has touched people’s lives
in 12 countries. We are a member of the Partners’ Initiative of
United Nations’ Habitat II and have helped create more understanding
and harmony in people and on the planet. The work is continuing.
Action
Points
1. Determine what is important for you.
2. Establish your life path in order to fulfill it.
3. Live each day as if it is your only one.
4. The mission stays the same—ways of living your mission may
change.
5. Do not be swayed away from your mission by what may be convenient.
6. Make sure that the projects are strong and viable before you embark
on them.
1. Proceed confidently, knowing that you are doing your best and that
in itself is worthwhile.
This
is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by
yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a
feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining
that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I
am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as
long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I
want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the
more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief
candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got
hold of
for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
—
George Bernard Shaw
from Man and Superman, Dedicatory letter
©
2003 Marilyn Tam
|
previous
articles by this author
Born
in Hong Kong to a traditional Chinese family,
Marilyn Tam was
an unlikely candidate for corporate stardom. She rose to be president
of Reebok and vice president of Nike. What’s more; now, she
discloses “How to Use What You’ve Got” to achieve
personal and professional success and happiness.