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Let
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Introduction
“Tolerance
for pain may be high, but it is not without limit.
I HAD AN INKLING THERE WAS A BETTER WAY a long time ago, but it took a lot of wrong turns to find it. I have to confess: I am one of the world’s biggest self-help junkies. Like a lot of people, I’ve been intoxicated with the idea that I’m in control, and I’ve been seduced into believing that I’m just one good book or workshop away from my ideal self. Like any true addict, there was never enough of what I needed and I was never enough regardless of what I achieved. Most of us grew up with the message that we’re not enough—not thin enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not “in love” enough. Look at the movies we watch and the magazines we read: we are utterly inadequate when compared to our media-inspired fantasies. We look for our fixes everywhere—in psychotherapy, Prozac, Botox, Prince or Princess Charming, or self-help books that promise magic. We’re always hoping that right around the corner is the magic formula that will erase the wrinkles, get rid of that extra 10 pounds, reveal our true love, and make us happy. The bad news is, there is no magic formula. The fixes are temporary at best. The wrinkles come back, and so do the 10 pounds. Our true love is never quite everything we imagined he or she would be. Happiness is elusive, transitory, or seemingly impossible in a world of escalating expectations. The good news is, there’s an alternative to the struggle to fix ourselves magically—another way that will lead us to peace and prosperity beyond our limited mind’s ability to contemplate. The good news is miracles. Instead of working so hard to find or create magic in our lives, we can relax, go with the flow, work together in harmony with a power greater than ourselves, and experience more love, joy, and purpose than we ever imagined. And the formula is simple: love and surrender. Or, at least it sounds simple, according to many of the spiritual books out there. But love and surrender are not what the world teaches us. We are taught to struggle and compete, to look out for number 1, and to get an eye for an eye. Even if we’re not Machiavellian, we are convinced that we need to control every aspect of our lives in order to achieve true happiness. Being out of control terrifies us, and surrender often seems like a last resort for losers. We may be able to love and surrender when everything’s going okay. It’s easy to love people who are nice to you and to go with the flow when life is working. But how do you love the spouse who cheats on you? Or the boss who takes credit for your work? Or the neighbor who talks about you behind your back? And how do you go with the flow when it seems like the world is crashing all around you? There must be a better way, but the path is not clear. We look to spiritual books for guidance and comfort. They sound wonderful with their big ideas, wise words, and soothing prayers. We read them and we are inspired. We believe them, but when it comes to practicing their lessons, we are left wondering if, like high school calculus, they’re actually something we can use in the real world. Self-help books, on the other hand, are practical. They are full of numbered lessons and exercises, punchy anecdotes, and uplifting affirmations. But they often appeal to our rational minds and leave our spirits thirsting for more. These books tell us how to find the perfect job, perfect lover, or perfect body, but there’s a piece missing. This piece that is missing prevents us from achieving these fabulous things in our lives, or if we do meet our goals, leaves us inexplicably unsatisfied. We’re like junkies who need increasingly bigger fixes to give us the same level of pleasure. So we keep running to the next deal, job, relationship, or diet book, looking for more. Take it from me; I’ve read all those books. I have dozens of volumes on my shelves about following my bliss, thinking and growing rich, or awakening my giant within. I’ve also read my share of spiritual books. I’m a sucker for any sharp-talking author on Oprah or a book jacket that promises enlightenment in thirty days. The combination of the two genres—self-help and spiritual—buzzing around in my brain left me more confused than ever about how to live. Do I go for it or go with the flow? Do I set goals and visualize or do I surrender my will to the wisdom of a Higher Power? Do I analyze and think? Or do I pray and follow my intuition? I’ve spent nearly twenty years testing and synthesizing these diverse messages. In that time, I believe I’ve discovered the missing piece of the puzzle that makes everything fit together. This piece leads us to a much more magnificent life than we could ever dream, while still living in alignment with our inner knowledge and a universal Higher Power of goodness and love. The missing piece is spiritual surrender. Not a “loser” kind of surrender. Spiritual surrender is an awakening and an awareness that our rational mind and our ego are not the highest powers in the Universe. Spiritual surrender is letting go of the struggles in our lives and tapping into something that is much greater than ourselves yet is found within ourselves when we make the connection with a universal Higher Power. Even though we’ve all heard advice to “surrender” and “let it go” and “go with the flow,” nobody ever tells us what to surrender, or how to let it go, or how to find the flow that we’re supposed to be going with. I’ve discovered that surrender is a broad term that encompasses four different types of issues, each with its own universal principles: 1. Letting go of what is not working in our lives, whether it’s painful feelings, limiting beliefs, or specific situations. Some examples of things we may need to release are anger, need for approval, ego, fear, or a miserable job or failed relationship. By letting go of destructive feelings, behaviors, and situations or unrealistic expectations we can learn to accept what is true in our lives and move forward. The principle: Whatever you are holding onto most tightly is probably the exact thing you need to let go of. Whatever you’re most afraid of losing may be what you need to release to make way for something better. 2. Surrendering a problem is simply giving our troubles to God/a Higher Power/the Universe. This is often a surrender of last resort, although it doesn’t need to be. The principle: You can surrender any problem—large or small—to God and know you will get the perfect answer. Then it is up to you to accept and act on that answer. 3. Going with the flow means giving up our belief in struggle and learning to swim with the current in our lives and the Divine guidance of our intuition. The principle: Stop fighting. Stop struggling. Go with your intuition. Avoid the things that don’t feel right, despite what your logical mind tells you. Once you release your fears and connect with your flow, life will unfold perfectly. 4. Surrendering to love means letting go of the barriers to love in our lives. It means perceiving only love and giving only love back. The principle: See the love inherent in every person and situation. Sometimes it seems there is only hopelessness, sadness, grief, or tragedy. Seek out the love and then act only with love. When you give love and peace, you will receive love and peace in your life. How
to Read This Book The first part of this book—chapters 1 and 2—explores my experiences and philosophies about spiritual surrender. These are revelations gained not from gurus on Himalayan mountaintops but in the context of lousy bosses, disappointing relationships, and tantrum-throwing toddlers. I consider myself a “spiritual journalist”—an investigative reporter of Divine guidance and destiny using my own experiences for material. These chapters chronicle my path to spiritual surrender, which has happened for me—the most rational and goal-oriented of people—in slow, start-and-stop bursts—lots of baby steps. At first I let go only a little. When I didn’t fall (or I fell, but got right back up), I learned to trust and let go a little more. It was a steady practice of surrender, until I felt not only safe but exhilaratingly free, like a baby who has just discovered the joy of walking. These chapters are meant to be simple and practical—lessons and principles that you will be able to relate to and put into practice in your own life. I hoped to create something that would be valuable to readers at any points on their spiritual paths—as a foundation if your journey is just beginning, or as reinforcement, grounded in real-life examples, if you are far along on your path. Because I believe stories are our most powerful and enduring teachers, the second part of the book—Chapters 3 through 6—is comprised of the tales of ordinary people who have forgiven their parents, quit miserable (yet secure) jobs, given up alcohol or drugs, decided to follow their hearts and intuition to their destiny, or surrendered themselves to love during the grief of caring for a dying child. These stories are some of the most intimate, miraculous, and inspiring stories I have ever read. As you read about these remarkable, generous souls and share their most painful experiences, their most heart-rending vulnerabilities, and their ultimate joys, I believe you will find yourself transformed, as I have been. My wish is that you come away from this book with the inspiration and the knowledge to experience the power of spiritual surrender in your life. May you be open to receiving all the peace and happiness that is your own Divine destiny.
chapter 1 Miracles,
not magic:
—A Course In Miracles
I’ve always been very good at making things happen. I visualized and affirmed my way from blue-collar roots to a six-figure income, a red BMW convertible, and a private office with a view of the San Francisco Bay. Coming of age in the ’80s, I truly believed that if I wanted something badly enough, I could make it happen. What I wanted most to happen were money and success—two things that were pretty elusive when I was a kid. My mother and father were completely devoted to their children; we felt safe and loved, and I know I was luckier than a lot of kids. But it was hard watching my father struggle, working two jobs to barely pay the bills, while my mother stayed home, taking care of my three brothers and me. I vaguely remember Dad talking about opening his own sporting goods store “someday,” and Mom saying she always wanted to be a lawyer, but these were just pipe dreams—nothing they ever really believed would happen. My parents were the kind of regular working people who didn’t make things happen—things happened to them. Their ambitions were all the obligatory goals of a young family working hard to make ends meet—stretching the milk and bread to last until the next payday or paying the minimum balance on their Sears card every month. I was determined to be different. I studied hard and was the first in my family to go to college. I put myself through school with a combination of sheer force of will, scholarships, and waiting a lot of tables. After I graduated, I got a job in computer sales purely because of the potential to make lots of money, and that was my focus. When I saw Tony Robbins—the motivational guru—on a late-night infomercial, I was mesmerized. I had found the answer to my struggles. Robbins preached Awaken the Giant Within, and that’s exactly what I did. I bought his Personal Power tapes for $369.99 and listened to them every day on my Walkman while I climbed the Stairmaster. The trainer at my health club used to joke that I was just a little orgy of self-improvement. Listening to the motivational tapes, setting goals, and religiously doing affirmations for what I wanted to materialize in my life worked like magic. Out of thin air, I created my own reality, exactly as advertised. Soon I was flying 100,000 first-class miles a year, negotiating million-dollar contracts across mahogany boardroom tables, and winning trips to the Caribbean for exceeding my quotas. I was in complete control of my life, and I left nothing to chance. I consistently willed myself to win deals that should have been beyond my reach. Once I was trying to win a new account, and I knew the director of computer services was already sold on my competitor’s product, which was based on big-name, cutting-edge technology. Our product, in contrast, was older and more reliable, but not exciting enough for the young, ambitious director who was leading the selection process. Things didn’t look good for me, so on the day of the committee meeting to decide the winning company, I played subliminal prosperity tapes under the desk in my office while I persuaded and cajoled each committee member on the phone before the meeting. The magic worked again. At the end of the day, I got the news that the sale was mine. Soon all my dreams were coming true. Not only was I a top performer at work, I was happily married and pregnant with my first child. I had achieved every goal I’d ever wanted but, strangely, I didn’t feel content. I was making plenty of money, but the job was overwhelming, stressful—a constant struggle. I felt like there was something else out there I was supposed to be doing, although I didn’t know what. But I wouldn’t allow myself to dwell on these issues. Whenever I had twinges about something missing, I chased them away with the adrenaline of closing another deal and cashing a big commission check. Having a baby raised even more doubts about what I should be doing. I wondered if I should quit my job and stay home with my child the way my mother had with us, but I was terrified at the thought of giving up my income and being poor again. I was making twice as much money as my self-employed husband, and leaving my job felt very financially risky. I couldn’t bring myself to take that chance. The money and the status of my career were too seductive—I wasn’t ready to give them up. So the plan was to take a four-month maternity leave, then hire a nanny and go back to work. Only things didn’t go as planned. My baby daughter was colicky—or, as our pediatrician put it more accurately, very colicky. She cried all day, every day. Instead of the blissful maternity leave of long naps and trips to the park I had envisioned, those first months were pure misery for both of us. She cried and I cried, every single day. I couldn’t wait to go back to work.
But finding a nanny was harder than we thought. We must have tried out twenty different caregivers. My daughter would scream relentlessly at each and every one of them for hours on end. Most of them never came back after the first day and wouldn’t even return my phone calls. We hobbled along for a month, with me mostly working at home and sharing childcare duties with my husband and the parade of “trial” nannies that swept through our house. I was torn between my responsibilities at work and my responsibilities at home, between the huge rewards of my job and the instinctual tugging at my heart that told me I needed to be home with my daughter. Finally, the day before my first postpartum business trip, I did the least rational and most intuitive thing of my life—I quit my job. My boss offered to reschedule the trip. He offered to go on the trip in my place, in order to give me more time to get settled at home. He did everything he could to change my mind, but I had made my decision. Everyone at work thought I was nuts. Not only was I leaving a great job and territory that I’d worked years to build, but I was also leaving behind a small fortune in commissions that were collectible only if I remained employed. Leaving all that money on the table was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was enough money to send my daughter to any university she desired for four years, and then some. For a girl who waited tables to put herself through college, it was a leap of faith to give up this kind of future security for my daughter. But I knew she needed me then, and we’d just have to let the future take care of itself. For the first time in my life, I surrendered my goals, my preconceived plans, and the logic of my head, to follow the path of my heart. My mother was especially amused. She found it ironic that I’d been able to accomplish all these great things out in the world, but it took a little baby to bring me to my knees. She was right. If you want a crash lesson in surrender, have a baby—better yet, have a colicky baby. The Quakers have a saying, “Way closes, way opens,” meaning that when one path has ended, another one will open up for us. I didn’t learn those words until years later but they were certainly true for me. Once I closed the way to the job and the money that I’d struggled so hard to achieve, other, more gratifying ways of life opened. It has not always been easy, but the time spent with my daughter—and now her brother—opened my heart in ways I could never have imagined. But beyond the delights of motherhood, old dreams opened up, too. A local community center class rekindled my passion for writing, long ago buried under the rubble of my success. Within a year of taking that first class, I had been published, appeared on Oprah, and began to work as a freelance writer and local cable talk show host. The gush of opportunity that flowed to me was truly beyond my wildest dreams, and, amazingly, was able to fit around my family in a way I never would have believed it could. My old successes had been struggles, requiring strict control of my mind to make “magic” of my own creation. In contrast, my new successes seemed to be orchestrated by a power who knew me better than I knew myself—and who was a lot kinder to me, too. Opportunities flowed perfectly into one another, almost effortlessly, as if I had finally caught my big wave and was riding it joyously to shore. By surrendering my will and the logic of my rational mind, I experienced a power much more potent than magic. I experienced miracles. Of course, surrendering my will didn’t mean I just lay on the couch, eating chocolate, and asking the Universe to serve me. I worked hard moving toward my dreams—taking classes, jumping at every opportunity, and giving my all to every project, no matter how small. But the work was joyful, not drudgery, and it always felt “right.” I knew everything had changed for me when I called my mother to tell her they were paying me to host a local talk show. She squealed to my father in the next room, “Kathy’s getting paid to be on TV, and it isn’t hard work and she likes it!” I never would have thought so at the time, but I now believe my daughter’s colic was destiny. Maybe I needed all that screaming to drown out all my own “should be” self-talk and allow me to listen to my true inner voice. I’m still pretty good at making things happen. But now I’m a lot better at letting things happen—going through the open doors and not trying to push through those that are slammed shut. And I now know that what lies behind those unexpected openings is often much better than I could have ever made happen on my own.
I
hope that by sharing my experiences in this pages and the experiences
of others, I can show how you, too, can discover the power of spiritual
surrender and realize the miracles it can create in your life. ©
Kathy Cordova, 2004 Reprinted
with permission of Red Wheel/Weiser LLC. Let Go, Let Miracles Happen
by Kathy Cordova is available at bookstores near you or directly from
the publisher at (800) 423-7087, by fax at (877) 337-3309, or by email
at orders@redwheelweiser.com.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Copyright:
New Earth Publications, 1999-2009. PlanetLightworker.com is published
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