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The Power of Humility
Choosing Peace Over Conflict in Relationships
B Y C H A R L E S L. W H I T F I E L D, M D,
B A R B A R A H. W H I T F I E L D, R T, C M T,
R U S S E L L P A R K, P h D,
A N D J Y O T I ( J E N E A N E P R E V A T T ), P h D

Opening comments from author Barbara Whitfield:

The Power of Humility was a shared writing with my husband, Charles Whitfield, MD, and Jyoti and Russell Park. It shows us how to use our relationships as our spiritual path. This book is actually a map of transcendence. The entire book can be summed up by this simple map.

We start at the bottom with Level 1 - Conflict - which is where humans have been bumping around forever.

This map then points us up to Level 2 - Co-Commitment - where we realize we have choices; we don't have to accept painful and often disabling conflict in relationships anymore. By using the power of humility in this way we transcend "either/or" thinking and move up to "both/and" thinking which allows for more choices so that our relationships can be dedicated to Co-Commitment.

Then the empowered self of Level 2 is transformed into a Co-Creative energy and action which is Level 3. At this level of development, it's as if we and God become partners. We sense the flow and perfection of God in our life, we act in ways that creatively manifest our now expanded intent, and we love unconditionally while we do it.

Level 4 - Unity - follows in this chapter from The Power of Humility: Choosing Peace over Conflict in Relationships...

Chapter 9: Level 4 Triangles

AS RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN WROTE in their musical "Oklahoma!", "Everything's up to date in Kansas City. They've gone about as far as they can go." While our life on this small planet and our relationship to God remain part of a Divine Mystery, we believe that reaching Level 4 being and functioning is about as far as we can go. Even so, only a few of us have experienced it.

We can begin to describe Level 4 as the ultimate peace and joy that we experience when we embody the essence of the Trilogy of God. The Trilogy includes God, God's Unconditional Loving Energy for us (the Holy Spirit), and God's Child, the Christ (1). If the modern holy book A Course in Miracles is right - that we humans have forgotten that each of us is also a Christ, then it is possible that at some time in our evolution, we also can experience Level 4 being. For most of us that peace and joy comes in brief glimpses. Contemplatives search for it. Many people use alcohol or drugs in search of it. Others use the Hollywood notion of "romance" to look for it. Many pray for it. By contrast, some say that it is our natural state, when we remove our ego and fear from its frequent distractions.

People in recovery from addictions have called part of it serenity, Eastern religions have called it samadhi or sat-chit-ananda (being-consciousness-bliss). A Course in Miracles calls it Atonement (pronounced At-one-ment), Richard Bucke called part of it cosmic consciousness, and others call it Christ Consciousness.

History 9.1 - Greg's Story
This is an interview that one of us (BW) did in 2003 with Greg, age 16. While at a church sponsored work camp with his friends, (they had just finished a new roof for an Appalachian house that was much in need of repair), Greg's close friend Kyle became acutely ill. He was helped to the nurse's office disoriented and confused, by the nurse and one of the chaperoning fathers.

BW: Tell me what happened in your words.

When I got in there, Kyle was laying down. The nurse's room was really small. We were all crowded in there, the nurse, Michelle's dad and Kyle lying down on a cot. He was in his work clothes, with a bandana on his head that was mine, covered with a sleeping bag and still shaking really bad. I got in there and took one of his hands; the other was under the covers. Eventually I was holding both his hands. I didn't know anything about his condition but they wanted him to drink some kind of Gatorade and he wouldn't.

I sort of knew he was in shock. He didn't really know what was going on. I tried to tell him not to worry and tried to give him some drink and he gagged.

I got him to look right in my eyes. I said to him, "Breathe with me, Kyle." Then he started breathing normally. I didn't really know what happened or how this happened. I could tell that everything was coming back to him. I could tell he knew now what was going on.

BW: Later in the day, Kyle said that Christ was in you and you had helped him to heal. How do you feel about that?

Well, I, I didn't feel like ... I didn't feel like Christ. It felt good that I could help. I wasn't looking for recognition or for praise for what happened. It wasn't like that. I'm just glad I was able to help Kyle.

BW: Yes. I understand and I hear humility.

Yeah. I definitely felt humbled. I felt something moving through me, like light or something.

I cried the whole time. It felt like something was going through me to get to Kyle. It was incredible. I told him afterward that only three people will ever know what happened in that room: him, me and the Lord.

BW: But it sounds like the other kids felt it because there was a lot of crying going on when you told everyone else the story. Your friend, Frankie, said something like 65 kids were raised up by it. So, could we say this was 'contagious?'

Yeah. There was a brother and sister there that were fighting a lot and all of a sudden they were seeing eye to eye. Everyone was getting along.

BW: I've done hands on healings and then written on how Spirit uses us as instruments. I found over the years that it never makes us arrogant, but it makes us humble. We have a direct relationship; it's a direct knowing instead of just believing that this is possible. We know it is possible because we can feel it coming through us. Can you comment on that?

Yeah. I definitely felt it and then after it was like a breath of fresh air, kind of - a release. And, I knew it but I knew I didn't do it.

BW: Could we say, "We're conduits." We're like empty tubes and It's coming through us.

Exactly!

BW: But we have to be willing. It only happens if we are willing. Do you think that somewhere in you there was that "click" of being willing - there was that moment?

Yeah! I have this thing with our Father. Every night when I go to bed I tell God about my day and I thank him for it all. I am so grateful for everyday.

BW: As far back as you can remember, have you had this relationship with God?

No. It's been about two years.

BW: What do you think it is that happened two years ago?

I think I reached just a complete understanding and full appreciation for the Lord and everything he has provided me and that he provides me everyday. An example of this would be my family. They are a miracle.

BW: Tell me about your family - that two years ago you realized they were a miracle.

Well I always knew how important they were to me, but it's like once you begin having this powerful relationship with God, everything in your life takes on a new value. I always loved them but I'm also so grateful.

BW: What do your parents do to help you? Is there anything special that they do?

They're hopeful and caring. They show a lot of love for each other and me. I see a really healthy relationship between them. I think it's a lot of things. I know for a fact that when I get married, I would want my relationship to be similar to theirs.

BW: Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about your spiritual life? Who you are spiritually?

I am truly grateful for everything in my life, for God, I trace everything back to Him. He is the source of all the great things in my life. I pray every night, which I feel is a big part why I have such a strong relationship with God. By praying every night or just whenever I want to - God seems closer to me and my heart and Heaven just doesn't seem like a destination above, but rather a place in my own heart. I personally thank God for everything in my life and for everything I have when I wake up every morning and when I go to bed every night.

BW: What do you think you're going to do in the future? Are you going to use this in any way?

Yeah. I probably want to be a teacher or a school counselor or a sports trainer. I'd love to be a part of a career that helps others. I understand how religion in public schools isn't generally accepted, but I would use everything I have learned and I guess you could say this "Gift" that I have by applying it to everyday life.

I feel everyone possess this "Gift" within them. The definition of the gift is simply just making others happy with something as simple as a smile. God's love isn't something hard to find. It's within everyone.

BW: If you could say anything else...?

God is always with us. People tend to feel alone at times, but if they just opened the eyes of their hearts they would realize that He is always there. People can find God in themselves and in others... If people stop focusing on the negative aspects of others and themselves, God's love becomes present - making for a happier view of our selves and of the world we live in.

Greg's experience gives us an example of Level 4 being and functioning. Grounded in this reality, it illustrates many of the characteristics of humility (as described in Chapter 2). Never owning this spontaneous healing as coming from himself, he attributes this remarkable moment to his and others' relationship with God. He continues this way of being in the way he sees God in others, especially in his parent's relationship with each other and their children. He goes on to look forward to a life where he will serve others. He uses prayer not to ask for things but to continue his ongoing relationship with a personal God that he knows in his heart.

Sacred Ground
There is a dilemma when we try to talk about human relationships at Level 4. We are standing on new ground - or trying to climb to higher ground. Our map of the mind includes the Sacred Person: True Self, Higher Self and Higher Power as One. When we are totally alive and no longer need to spend any energy from our false self - our Sacred Person is the fourth level.

Our highest functioning friends tell us: When they ask for help as this threesome - almost immediately help comes in ways they could not have predicted. This help is softer and more loving than they could have imagined, and comes with integrity and tenderness - there are no painful confrontations except an occasional loving confrontation where they are flooded with knowledge about themselves, the other person or the relationship. In such instances it appears that they are in a meditative state or a life review (2). And now, in this reality they feel what the other is feeling. They see the bigger picture. The Reality of the other side is this Reality, too. And they trust God's Divine Energy (Holy Spirit) to work in others as it is working in them.

Table 9.1 (included at the end of this article) shows us how Level 3 compares with the expanded spiritual awareness of Level 4.

History 9.2 - Barbara's Life Review
My life review taught me what I now believe to be a Level 4 understanding. Others in my life were now one in concert with me and God. Here I had no ego or fear - nothing to stop me from taking in what I needed to know. Humility was not an issue, since it seemed natural to me then.

Held in the Light: My Life Review

Now I felt God's love; this love was holding me. It felt incredible. There are no words in the English language, or maybe in this reality, to explain the kind of love God emanates. God was totally accepting of everything we - God and I, reviewed in my life...

In every scene of my life review I could feel again what I had felt at various times in my life. And I could feel everything everyone else felt as a consequence of my actions. Some of it felt good and some of it felt awful. All of this translated into knowledge, and I learned - oh, how I learned!

The information was flowing at an incredible breakneck speed that probably would have burned me up if it weren't for the extraordinary Energy holding me. The information came in, and then love neutralized my judgments against myself. In other words, information about every scene - my perceptions and feelings - and anyone else's perceptions and feelings that were in the scene came to me... No matter how I judged myself in each interaction, being held by God was the bigger interaction. God interjected love into everything, every feeling, every bit of information about absolutely everything that went on, so that everything was all right. There was no good and no bad. There was only me and my loved ones from this life trying to be, or just trying to survive.

I realize now that without God's holding me, I wouldn't have had the strength to experience what I did.

When it started, God and I were merging. We became one - so that I could see through God's eyes and feel through God's heart. We, together, witnessed how severely I had treated myself because that was the behavior shown and taught to me as a child. I realized that the only big mistake I made in my life of thirty-two years was that I never learned to love myself...

I also realized that I didn't end at my skin. We are all in this big churning mass of consciousness. We all seemed to be a part of this Consciousness we call God. We're not just human. We are Spirit. We were Spirit before we came into this lifetime. We all seem to be struggling Spirits now, trying to get "being human" right. And when we leave here, we will be pure Spirit again.

God held me and let me into God's experience of all this. I felt God's memories of these scenes through God's eyes. I could sense God's divine intelligence and it was astonishing. God loves us and wants us to learn and wake up to our real selves - to what is important. I realized that God wants us to know that we only experience real pain if we die without living first. And the way to live is to give love to ourselves and to others.

I experienced that we are here to learn to give and receive love. But only when we heal enough to be real can we understand and give and receive love the way love was meant to be.

When we are held by God in our life reviews, and we merge into One, we remember this feeling as being limitless. God is limitless. God's capacity to love is never-ending. God's love for us never changes no matter how we are. God doesn't judge us either. During our life review, we judge ourselves when we feel the pain we have created in other's lives. We also feel the love we have created in other's lives. (This may be a kind of Cosmic Equalizer.)

I never saw an old man with a white beard sitting in judgment of us. I only felt limitless divine love. God interjected love into all the scenes of my life to show me God's reality. And the most amazing part of all is that God held nothing back. I understood all that God understood. God shared all of Godself with me - all the qualities of gentleness and openness, and all the gifts... including the sudden experience of empowerment and peace. I never knew that much loving intelligence and freedom could exist. God held me in eternity.

I am back here, in time, but still with God. It is just a little harder for me to realize God's presence because my body and my mind get in the way. But that's all right. I still feel It - as I continue to awaken to what is real - not the physical world that only teaches us to achieve and consume - but the real world where our spirits grow and learn about healing and love.

And, now back in this lifetime in this reality, what I learn about another person may not be what I had wanted that person to be. However, unconditional love remains firm. Real love begins only when one person comes to know another for who that person actually is as a human being. We get closer to the whole picture, the truth of who another is and who we are.

This reality now is interchangeable with my original life review. I am aware of God's presence and I am aware that I have a choice of choosing pain or choosing love, choosing projection or expanding and becoming my potential. We know that each one of us is a unique reflection of God. Not to develop to our potential is to deny God another facet of Its being.

Time
Time and space are still different from the way they were before my near-death experience (see side bar, Time and Timelessness). Daily, each relationship has the quality of my life review. I pray to create my life with God's energy of unconditional love. Each human relationship that I share with my Creator becomes the challenge of sustaining the higher levels or at least asking for the help to stay out of (or get out of) Level 1. And I am helped to hold some Light so it can outshine the darkness.

I am learning to let go every moment and accept all of my experience - courage and fear, celebration and pain, expansiveness and limitation. Staying in touch and tender at the same time, this strength is coming from my core or Child Within in relationship to my Higher Self and Higher Power. Occasionally, for a glimpse, all three become One. Every one of us who struggles to learn unconditional love is giving birth to Our Sacred Person. The faint inner Voice that at one time we could barely hear- we now have more opportunities to embrace, bonding in unconditional love.

And so it is at this Level 4 of human consciousness. We pass through this reality into the Reality of God's Bigger Consciousness. We have moved from our limited experience and come face to face with the Universe. At this level it is not simply that God chooses us, but that we also choose God. We open to God every moment and with every breath. Then we chose to invite unconditional love, God's loving energy in action into our lives. We live our own potential. And it hits us one day, possibly the same day we notice that it is the same on both sides of reality:

We are all inside God, and God is loving us through us.

I experience this is as though I am holding one hand up to God in God's World and my other hand is extended out to the people I love and the people I assist in their healing work. Other clinicians report similar observations during some sessions with their patients. Hospice workers and others who help people die report the same type of Level 4 experiences. One way to demonstrate this is while doing a hands-on healing (see side bar "Sharing the Energy of the Higher Levels" on page 139.)

Creation
We now realize that we are continuously creating our own reality instead of walking into one created for us by others or by default. We accept that we are a Sacred Person. Our True Self, joined to our Higher Self, is connected to our Higher Power so that instead of co-creating as in Level 3, we are now at Level 4 creating as our Sacred Person/God - with humility.

It is here that our joy lies. When we invite spirit - Higher Self - into our conscious physical being, it brings with it what we have craved throughout our lives. We, who at our core are Spirit, need our root spiritual feelings - peace and joy. We naturally are Spirit - and these feelings of peace and joy are our natural spiritual feeling state when we open to and join with God to create our life.

We are now creating our destinies. We remember our powers of manifestation and create our version of Heaven on Earth. No longer do we ask in prayer for what we want. We now proclaim gratitude for all we have, because instead of craving things, we witness the abundance already surrounding us. As we accomplish this, we automatically empower those around us, and everyone wins.

Our lives are a celebration because:

God has a dream
And the dream comes true -
Each time one of us
Awakens.

- Barbara Whitfield 1995

Conclusion
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

The Greek word for meek has been variously translated to include gentle, humble, considerate, patient, and courteous. Spiritual teacher and author Eckhart Tolle said, "The meek are the egoless. They are those that have awakened to their true nature as consciousness and recognize that essence in all 'others,' all life-forms. They live in the surrendered state and so feel their oneness with the whole and the Source. They embody the awakened consciousness that is changing all aspects of life on our planet, including nature, because life on earth is inseparable from the human consciousness that perceives and interacts with it. That is the sense in which the meek will inherit the earth. A new species is arising on the planet. It is arising now and you are it!" (Tolle E 2005)

We take our conflicts and turn them into harmony. What seemed to be the curse becomes the gift. We make lemonade out of lemons. We transcend right and wrong, Yin and Yang, and unite our opposites. We heal the split and embrace something new, something born from balance. When all of us live life, sharing unconditional love, we may become the synergy of God. This is part of what the Mystery of God may include. It is not an easy task, but ultimately it is the one we may have been given. God's will is our highest human potential, shared. (Whitfield B 1995)

All this and more is possible when we function from Levels 2, 3, and 4.

Side Bar 9.1 - Time and Timelessness
At Levels 3 and 4 we realize there is no need to rush. We realize experientially that linear time is a construct of our intellect and has moved us to living on a horizontal line. Now we experience our reality and are connected in a vertical relationship with Spirit (God/Goddess/All-that-Is) and experience time in a vertical fashion that reveals a sense of the Eternal Now. We are like the giant oak tree - roots planted firmly in our physical bodies and our Spirit reaching like the huge branches stretching up to meet the heavens.

We still meet our appointments on time but our perception of time changes to give us a peaceful experience where we can focus on the task at hand and be fully present with it.

We have worked hard to heal our wounds, and in their place comes more than we expected. At this time in our own evolution, humility and gratitude give us a steady renewal that allows us to feel the abundance of the Universe. All our striving to become who God meant us to be - happens. As our physical being and our spirit become one, our journey and destination become one - demonstrating the truth about duality and polarity. It was all an illusion. We are One, and separation collapses. We realize that peace and enjoyment are not a feeling but an attitude and a state of mind. We remember who we are and that we are already and always Home. Even the belief in heaven after this lifetime recedes as we experience creating heaven here.

Side Bar 9.2 - Sharing The Energy at the Higher Levels
The type of healings I (BW) have written about in my previous books are an example of Level 3 and 4. A healing circle works like this: The person/patient receiving the energy is lying down and usually covered with a light blanket. Other members of the family, friends or health care team (who the receiver believes are "safe") gather around and sit with their hands gently and lightly touching the receiver. Before we begin, I say a prayer to unite and connect us in what we are asking to do. I say, "Dear God, (or Dear Holy Mother or whatever my patient feels comfortable with), please may we be instruments of your healing energy and your Oneness. Please help us to get our egos out of the way so You may come through."

This works with one person as an instrument or up to as many as six. The main principle is that the people who are doing the hands-on giving feel safe to the patient receiving the energy. We have had children as young as three in a healing circle and elders as old as 90.

It doesn't matter if the people giving even believe in all this. All that matters is that we have the intention of wanting to help. Many times people receiving in a healing circle tell me afterward that their pain medication is working or that they don't need it now. Their skin coloring gets better, they are more relaxed and they feel loved.

This can be done twice a day or more if the patient requests it. The givers have often told me that the experience also calmed them. It not only helped their bodies to relax, it also helped their hearts to know that they were giving "something" to the person in need. This is especially important to loved ones who have before been afraid to touch for fear of creating more pain. This gives them a safe way to express themselves that bypasses words.

We are not looking for a "cure." We are creating a sharing that brings comfort to the receiver - and usually spills over into the givers. Whether the patient is going to get better... or eventually die isn't the point of these hands-on circles. Sharing Universal Love is the purpose.

We do this together for about 20 minutes. It feels like a meditation of clearing the mind and sitting in a peaceful way, placing our hands gently on the patient and sharing a current of Energy that envelops all of us. We naturally come out of it in 20 minutes or so feeling more relaxed and at the same time energized because the Energy we shared didn't come from us but came through us.

We close this healing circle with a prayer. "Dear God, Dear Spirit, thank you for allowing us to be instruments of your healing energy. Thank you for allowing us to feel your Oneness. Amen."

Summary
We summarize the above and more characteristics of Level 4 and contrast it with the characteristics of 3 Level in Table 9.1 below. Please see Appendix E for expanded characteristics of the four levels.

Table 9.1 - Characteristics of Level 3 and 4 Triangles

	Level 3 Co-creative, Higher Self	Level 4 Higher Power, Home, Unity Consciousness
Stance or Story	Mythic	Divine Play
Parenting	Accepting / Allowing	Full Collaboration; Divinely Creative
Roles; Polarities; Energies	Creativity / Love; Expansion / Energy; Movement	Creator / God / Goddess All-that-Is; Christ Consciousness; Holy Spirit; "Om" vibration; Ruach Ha Kodesh
Primary Characteristics	Vision; Compassion; Creativity and Expansion	Unity Consciousness; Fully Authentic and Aware; Harmony & Vibratory Bliss
Chakra	"Third Eye" - Fifth and Sixth	"Crown" - Seventh
Triangle Maintenance	Relating to Energy, not Form	Merged with the Beloved (Archetype)
Triangle Initiation; Embracing the Shadow	Humility and Aloneness; Stepping Out of the Game	All-One-Ness
Transformation of Suffering	"Letting go"; Compassion; Divine Intelligence	Unconditional Love; Pulled by Your Vision
Power; Act; How you Meet It	Internalized Divine Authority	Vehicle of the Mystery
Energy That Drives It	Grace; Stillness	Love in Action; Service; Compassion
Spiritual Practices	Continued (and Deeper) Meditation; Prayer; Selfless Service	Living Life as the Presence of God
Hindrances	Ego; Fear of Losing Self	Pressure of the Collective Unconscious
Humility	Builds; Expressed	"Is" (Fully Expressed)

Footnotes:
(1) We are here referring more to a level of consciousness than a historical figure.
(2) I am referring here to my (BW) near-death experience. I had a life review where I was able to see and experience my life over again. In that review I was able to experience everything that others felt, so that in a strange but awesome way, I was not only me - I was them, too. And God was also showing me all this through God's eyes. (See sidebar 9.1).

This excerpt is reprinted from The Power of Humility by Charles and Barbara Whitfield, Jyoti and Russell Park... For more information, or to purchase the book, click on the book cover shown to the right.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Charles L. Whitfield, M.D., is a pioneer in trauma recovery, including the way we remember childhood and other trauma and abuse. A physician and front line therapist who assists trauma survivors in their healing, he is the author of sixty published articles and ten best selling books on trauma psychology and recovery; three of these books have been translated and published in ten foreign languages. Since 1995 he has been voted by his peers as being one of the best doctors in America. For over twenty-three years he has taught at Rutgers University's Institute on Alcohol and Drug Studies. He is a consultant and research collaborator at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention since 1998. He has a private practice in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife, Barbara where they provide individual and group therapy for trauma survivors and people with addictions and other problems in living. For more information go to www.cbwhit.com.

Barbara H. Whitfield, R.T., C.M.T., is the author of many published articles and five books. She is a thanatologist (thanatology is the study of death and dying), workshop presenter, near-death experiencer and respiratory and massage therapist. She was on the faculty of Rutgers University's Summer School for Alcohol and Drug Studies for 12 years. Barbara was research assistant to psychiatry professor Bruce Greyson at the University of Connecticut Medical School studying the psychological, physical and energetic aftereffects of the near-death experience. She is past president and a member of the board of the Kundalini Research Network and has sat on the executive board of the International Association for Near-Death Studies. She is a consulting editor and contributor for the Journal of Near-Death Studies. Barbara has been a guest on major television talk shows including Larry King Live, The Today Show, Man Alive, Donahue, Unsolved Mysteries, Good Morning America, Oprah, and CNN Medical News. Her story and her research have appeared in documentaries in the US, Canada, Japan, France, Belgium and Italy and in magazines such as Redbook, McCalls, Woman's World, McClean's, Common Boundary, Psychology Today and others. For more information go to www.cbwhit.com and www.barbarawhitfield.com.

Russell D. Park, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist specializing in transpersonal psychology and neurotherapy. Russell is a contract faculty member for the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology and the Union Institute. As the former research coordinator for the Spiritual Emergence Network founded by Stan and Christina Grof, Russell has taught professionals in Europe, South America, and the United States in the diagnosis, treatment, and transformative potential of spiritual emergence phenomena. In addition, he has background in clinical laboratory medicine, alternative healing approaches, biotechnology research, and computer science applications and practices. Other interests include personal empowerment, the interface between psychology and spirituality, drug addictions, and the use of visual and auditory media for psychological change. Russell, together with his wife, Jyoti, teaches seminars and workshops on transformational process to an international community of professionals.

Jyoti (Jeneane Pravatt, Ph.D.), is internationally known as a spiritual and psychological consultant working with spiritual emergence as it manifests through the individual and community. She has explored multi-cultural approaches that raise consciousness in the body, resulting in a healing of body, mind and Spirit. Her spiritual and psychological insights provide a balanced approach to integrating one's life. Her extensive study of indigenous healing and spiritual practices combined with her training in Jungian and psychological approaches to mental health have inspired a variety of projects. Her consistent focus is to actively affirm our role as guardians of this planet, consciously creating communities, through business and social reform that bring heart and divine intention to the forefront. She resides in Sonora, California, and travels lecturing across the United States, Europe and South America. For more information see also www.mothersgrace.com.