Breaking the Rules
Excerpted from The Red Book
B Y   S E R A   B E A K

Chapter Ten

Healthy Transgressions make the Heavens Applaud
SOMETIMES WE JUST need to transgress. To break the rules, cross boundaries, step over restrictive lines. Here's where The Red Book shamelessly appropriates the Hindu Tantric concept of transgression, the notion of intentionally and mindfully cutting through social and personal norms - the cultural status quo, rules, personal patterns, behaviors - to get closer to divinity and, hence, to oneself.

Tantric practitioners, especially those of the "left-hand" variety (that is, the more esoteric and unorthodox of the two main types of Tantra) believe that by intentionally acting against the grain of social or religious mores, they jump-start their spiritual connection and access a more personal and direct union with Ultimate Reality. In India, these transgressions take the form of eating fish, meat, ingesting a particular (sometimes hallucinatory) grain, having ritualized sexual intercourse, and drinking alcohol - practices that make the right-hand practitioners squirm and recoil. But in the left-hand form of Tantra, it's believed that one must cut through perceptions of what is clean/unclean, safe/dangerous, sacred/profane in order to get close to the divine.

And so it is with you. Tantric tradition, as well as my own experience, suggests that we as young women must regularly and intentionally step outside of ourselves, out of the patterns we have settled into, in order to open new doors of perception and re-spark our connection to divinity. Transgress to break out of your mold. Transgress to shave off the stale crusts of your life. Transgress to reinvigorate your soul's health. When you do something outside of your norm, you access another part of you that you probably didn't know (or just forgot) existed. It's fresh and flirty. In this place, you have a beginner's mind, allowing you to enjoy an experience unfettered by typical expectations, and are therefore more open to divine touchdowns.

Breaking Your Own Traditions
So what could be considered transgressive for a young woman in this day and age, learning and loving in the land of the free and already indulging in many of the left-handed Tantrika's supposedly naughty transgressions on a regular basis? Look at your life, and observe your most common patterns and habits and definitions. Maybe transgression, for you, simply means not always following the latest fashion trends, turning off the major media and exploring alternative sources, or getting rid of your TV altogether. Maybe it's dyeing your hair red or even cutting it all off, just for the hell of it, to see what happens, what new energies open up, how your world reacts. Maybe it's listening more and talking less, or speaking more clearly instead of muttering, or quitting that "great" job that has the terrific benefits and kick-ass salary but gives you no real sense of purpose.

Or maybe your transgression is not having a third drink at your best friend's birthday party, when you normally drink a bit too aggressively. Or maybe it's about letting go of your constant need to be in total control and cutting loose on your summer vacation. Maybe it's having sex outdoors, or maybe it's becoming temporarily celibate so that you can focus on healing some personal and relationship issues. Maybe it's finally trying to get that short story published, traveling to a foreign country alone, skipping mass and trying temple, skipping religion and trying nature, or belting out some karaoke when your voice can shatter glass. It could be a new route for your walk to work or a new recipe for making dinner or a wild plan to redecorate your apartment.

Let me remind you that all transgressions don't have to be visible, external acts. Try transgressing, also, against your normal thought patterns, your typical emotional responses and judgments. Can you learn to talk to yourself in a more positive way when you look in the mirror, find a more peaceful way of channeling your anger when you are fighting with your partner, or learn to gracefully accept your roommate's exuberant love affair with all things plaid? These are all internal transgressions. At this level, transgression means just about anything that incites energy for change and lifts you out of your normal routines and plops you down somewhere else, somewhere new and refreshing and pregnant with possibility.

It may not feel like repainting your bedroom a shocking new color, or turning off your TV and taking a walk (for a change), or speaking explicitly and openly for the first time with a lover have much to do with your inner path, but such simple transgressions are indeed very much a part of your spiritual practice. What's more, I encourage you to take this a step further by transgressing against your long-standing thoughts and beliefs about religion and spirituality and (yikes!) even the divine. That's right, go ahead and transgress against what you think your path "should" be if you are going to follow that leader or that doctrine or that organization or even this book (well, maybe wait until you've read a little more; there's some great stuff to come). Try transgressing against what "they" told you about God, about heaven, about karma and sin or what you need to do in order to be a good spiritual girl. Test the waters. Create your own crazy swan dive to take you deep. Dare to have a divine inner child who speaks with a pierced tongue.

Do any of the transgressions listed earlier in this chapter speak to you? The examples are plentiful, but your transgressions need to fit your unique life. After all, one woman's transgression is another's no big whoop. Examine your life, note (or, better yet, write a list of) some of your own die-hard patterns and behaviors, and then ask yourself, "What would happen if I were to suddenly do the exact opposite? What would happen if I shocked everyone I knew, including myself, and did something totally unexpected, different, unorthodox?" Now, pay attention to how you feel when you imagine these scenarios. Does merely imagining it make you nervous? A bit scared? Excited? If so, you've hit it: That behavior is ripe for transgression. In the words of philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: "Believe me, the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously" (The Gay Science, p. 161).

But remember, transgression is a healthy rebellion; it has an expansive intent. You do not need, for example, to go have random sex with a sleazy stranger just because you wouldn't normally do it. This ain't some mindless spiritual slumber-party version of truth or dare. Use your head, and see what actions or inner changes truly resonate with you. This is not an ego trip or a test of willpower, designed merely to see how hard you can push yourself. Transgression is not merely to provoke or draw attention, nor is it something that should cause you or anyone else serious harm.

Transgression is not always easy, but it is a powerful method for jolting yourself out of an old perspective and into a new consciousness, giving you the chance to free up your own internal authority. You are learning how to tune into something profound - your divine self and its innocent desire to creatively express its all. And hey, by being an original you, an individual of personal and spiritual integrity, you are already transgressing most cultural and social and even religious norms. By doing something or being someone that is more you and less "them," you are teaching the world through example how to genuinely live, how to waltz through this whole charade with eyes wide open, how to be a brave woman who's not afraid to wear red to a funeral - in short, how to be truly free.

© 2006, Sera Beak, All Rights Reserved.

Excerpted from The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark © 2006, by Sera Beak. Reprinted with permission of John Wiley & Sons, Hoboken, NJ, USA 07030. 1-201-748-6011.