Smoky had been nearby anytime that I was in the house. He was like a little gray shadow, my friendly cat that kept me company. He would chirp approvingly when I read sections of the article I happened to be writing aloud. He'd sit on the black chair next to me as I sat on the couch and did private sessions with the Angels over the phone for people. Whenever I used the computer, he'd nap on the rose colored chair, three feet away and keep me company.

One day, there was something wrong. He looked at me and cried, as he never had before. I knew he was asking for help, but I didn't know why. I didn't know that his time with me was coming to a close. I didn't know he had been dying slowly and quietly for a very long time. I didn't know that every time I'd taken him to the vet and the vet told me there was nothing wrong with him, it meant that there was nothing wrong that they could find.

In the following weeks he became more tired and irritable and he wanted to be physically closer to me. I held him as much as possible. I pulled the chair he usually napped in next to mine so he could touch me as I typed at the computer. He stayed within arms reach at night while I slept and didn't roam the house any more.

Although I didn't know it at the time, we were two buddies, side by side, snatching all we could of our last days together. I am glad now for all the cuddles and hugs. I am glad for every moment spent in his presence.

Then, one day, he didn't recognize me. He staggered and fell repeatedly when he tried to walk. He couldn't eat. A trip to the vet finally confirmed the worst. Smoky had renal failure.

Saying goodbye to my friend and companion animal was very hard to do. I knew it was his time to go, knew the Angels stood waiting to hold him, and knew I could help him make his transition, but it was still difficult.

Later that month, I heard of nine people who died and several more who were fighting life-threatening illnesses. It was a strange time for me. Death seemed to be everywhere, clinging to me and clawing at me. In my sorrow, I couldn't hear the Angels. I knew they were here, of course. I knew they were as ever at my side, that they brought Smoky to see me often and that he was happy to be free of his illness. Still, I was unable to write an article or channeling. For the first time in years, I couldn't hear the Angels. Weeks passed and still the problem persisted. My emotion so clogged the passageway I could not hear.

I did all the time honored things a person does to heal. I buried him amongst the day lilies in the garden under a year old maple tree so his remains could sleep in beauty. I wrote long letters to friends, and filled page after page in my journal. I tended my flower garden. I attended a Lightworker seminar. I asked for help from anyone that I knew who was able to channel an animal's spirit or who assisted people making their transition home. Their love and generosity poured over me and I remain very grateful for their assistance.

Still, I had difficulty hearing. I knew I needed not to forget my friend, but to reconnect with my inner self. I needed to bring that part of me that had attempted to follow along with him across the veil back to myself. I needed to allow him to live his life after life, to allow him to move on. I asked my higher self what I needed in order to do this. What was the answer? Stand in a higher vibration.

In "The Artist's Way" author Julia Cameron leads people through a 12-week program on a spiritual path to higher creativity. One of the basic tools she suggests using is a weekly "artist date", a time set aside for nurturing one's creative consciousness, one's inner artist.

I had choices of how to accomplish this. I made a list of things I thought would move energy for me. I decided I could listen to inspirational tapes, read books, or ask someone to do a reading for me. I could choose to do anything that would move my energy from the lower vibrations of sorrow and regret to a higher one of love and hope. I had to find the thing that had meaning for my own creative consciousness.

I thought of the flowers I love so much and resonate with so well and how roses are said to be the flower that has the highest vibration of all flowers. It dawned on me that I'd not walked through a botanical garden for over a year. So, I went to the Boerner Botanical Garden to reconnect with nature for my artist date.

The rose garden there was resplendent. A riot of beautiful blossoms filled the hundreds of bushes. I walked among them in the sunlight, recognizing old favorites, breathing deeply of their aromas. A heady feeling began to envelop me. I passed from the mundane trivial world into the sublime world of fragrance, color and light. It was then that I received this gift.

The rose garden was well tended that hot day. The staff seemed to be everywhere, mowing grass, watering and pruning. As I walked, I happened upon a large green wooden cart that had been parked on the path. To my delight, it was filled with rose blossoms. The gardener had been dead heading, cutting away the over blown but still breathtakingly beautiful blossoms so that the new buds were encouraged to open. I picked up one, than another and another. I had never had access to a virtual snowdrift of roses before. I filled my hands, scooping them up and allowing them to fall back into the cart. I felt as though I was in a movie, playing the role of a character that had such wealth and abundance she could fill her arms with roses and strew them wherever she wished. It wasn't a movie though. It was real and I was that character. For the moment, that was my life.

I eventually wandered over to the lily-bedecked fishpond. Huge goldfish had just been fed. They rolled and swirled on the surface of the water, the sun revealing the variations in their color. Young children who were there with their mothers laughed in delight. I recalled being in the very same gardens as a young child with my own mother. I recalled being very happy.

There I sat, in the fabulous richness of the rose garden. It had worked its magic on me and calmed my sorrow so I could rejoin my authentic self. I felt as a Goddess again. I had regained Paradise lost. I had come back to my very self. I didn't forget the love between Smoky and I but I was able to let go of the painful emotions and know, with all that had occurred in life since my mother had brought me to the very same spot, that I would be all right.

There was a time when grove and stream and every common sight
Had all the freshness of a dream and radiance so bright,
But nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass,
Or the loveliness of summer flower its glory soon is past.
Fair daffodils, we weep to see you haste away so soon,
As yet the early morning sun has not attained his noon.
So gather rosebuds while ye may for time is still a flying,
And this same flower that smiles today tomorrow will be dying.

Wordsworth

I didn't want to miss the present for hanging onto the past. Smoky was one of the roses in my life, a being who allowed my heart to love freely because, for once, there simply was no cost. I was always free to love him and yet be the imperfect person I am while he loved me in return. I am forever changed because of that. Who could ever estimate the importance of a pet?

And finally, I realized this truth as well; the connection with Smoky is a pathway to my higher self. It was not in my way, not impeding my movement, it was a tool to be used. The negative emotion of sorrow is what had stopped me. When I found joy I was able to hear the Angels once more.

What is it that connects you to your higher self and enables you to hear your Angel? What action steps move your energy out of stagnation and into the higher vibrations? What reconnects you with your very soul? What brings you to love?

The Angels remind us that love is. Love always is.

And so it is.

Copyright 2001, Catherine Kasper

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Catherine Kasper first met her Angels when she was less than a year old. She saw balls of light that seemed to be woven into her favorite blanket. They talked to her often and reminded her of Home. As she grew, Catherine's Angels stayed with her, speaking through her favorite toys. Later on, they sat by her left shoulder in the form of balls of light and whispered explanations of the things she was experiencing. Today, they are simply here, she says, constantly with her, comfortable as old teddy bears, and she speaks with them daily.

Catherine has been an educator for nearly 25 years. In her job as an Elementary School Art Teacher and Library/Media Specialist, she teaches over 500 students a week to access Spirit. Catherine says it is wonderful to be the section Editor of the Angel area of PlanetLightworker and that she expands the range of her instruction here.

If you would like a private session with Catherine and her Angels, please call (262) 670-0134 or send email to Catherine@PlanetLightworker.com More of Catherine's work may be found at her website, http://www.flowerdance.net

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