WHY SO OFTEN is there so much pain in the life of one who is on a quest to find their true self? The very things that we so desperately seek; to feel a sense of inner peace and wholeness, to know why we are here, to uncover our purpose for being, seem constantly to elude so many on the spiritual path. Why, after reading so many books, attending all the workshops and going to healing after healing, do many of us still feel incomplete? Even after going within and discovering the magic that lies there, why does the blissful feeling of serenity only last for so long, replaced after a few hours or days with the anxiety, frustration or emptiness that seems to follow many of us around? How do we plug into Source and stay there?

It took me ten years of consciously seeking my truth, constantly digging deeper and shedding more layers, to realize that somewhere along the line my search for the truth ended up being focused on that which covered it. All my energy was going toward the debris that arises out of such a search and the blocks I discovered there, instead of on the essence itself that is slowly and quietly trying to emerge.

The souls I have encountered on my journey, the tools I have discovered and the situations I have experienced have all played their part in activating and re-awakening more of my true essence. They have also aroused the mental and emotional chaos and clutter that lies on top. These mental and emotional layers of ours can be painful to feel and ugly to see. At their core they fear their own death and demise as the true self yearns to come alive and fill up the entire body with its love and truth.

Like any living being facing a death to which it is not ready to surrender, our mental and emotional layers put up a fight, resisting the growth of the soul. They do anything in their power to stop it from expanding even further into that space which was previously occupied by the chaos. We can become immersed in these chaotic emotions and cluttered thoughts, and become enveloped by them. We can become consumed by the need to repress whatever feelings they subsequently trigger.

We focus on these layers and try to "heal and release them" or we repress them via addictions and distractions. Either way we certainly don't want to accept them as part of us. We definitely don't want to feel them. We do all we can to run from and resist all that is coming up, and in doing so we also run from and resist the emergence of our true essence.

We indulge our addictions and find solace in becoming numb to the overwhelming thoughts and emotions that are screaming for our attention. We shut these voices and feelings up with substances and activities that work to keep us distracted from their relentless sound and harshness. We blame other people for whatever their presence is triggering within us. Soon we no longer feel the chaos, but also we are no longer feeling or supporting who we really are. In our panic, we have forgotten that these volcanic eruptions are merely the birthing of our true selves. In our attempt to soothe the labor pains we forget about the unborn within.

After a while the substances, activities and other self-destructive patterns become less effective until one day they stop working altogether. Again, we are faced with our pain, all the more loud after years of being resisted and repressed. We may get into the cycle of deciding to focus on the chaos in seemingly healthy ways, over-indulging in healings and therapy, but it is true that "what you focus on expands". The mental and emotional bodies are happiest when your attention is solely upon them. Meanwhile the true essence remains ignored, its beauty and power still being denied, its light burning brightly waiting to be fully born, waiting for you to claim it as your true self.

Ironically, during the whole "peeling the layers" process, how many of us actually pay attention to that which is supposedly the eventual prize underneath - our true essence? What if we stopped digging and realized ... Wow! Our true essence has been here and visible the whole time. It is whoever you are right now! Maybe it's time to stop digging and start being, to stop peeling and start living!

Every now and then we do visit our true essence, only to leave it after a short time saying, "I will return once I have dealt with all my issues, then I can be with you." Only there is no end to the digging, for as long as we choose to have digging as our focus that is what we will receive as our reality, day in and day out. It is no wonder that as we work on our chaos sadness remains and wholeness eludes us.

So, one day, an insight dawned on me. What if I let go of all that I have been doing? What would happen if I decided only to focus on my true essence? What if I acted as if I had no more issues, and that I had no more blocks or layers to uncover? That doesn't mean to start pretending that I do not feel. Certainly anger and hurt and frustration would still be there, but what if I no longer saw them as the enemy? What if I saw them as part of me, natural parts of the birthing process? What if I stopped resisting and repressing? What if I stopped trying to heal and release? What if I stopped running from myself?

What message are we sending to ourselves when we do these things? We are telling ourselves: You aren't good enough as you are right now. Yet this is the way many of us have supposedly been trying to uncover our true essence. Hmmm. there's something wrong with this picture.

I decided to allow all of myself to just be. To let the chaos, thoughts and emotions flow, while primarily choosing to focus on the voice and instincts of my true essence. I wanted to finally see what my truth looked like and perhaps this was a way to do that. I realized we can dig our way to our true essence, or we can decide to just go there, right now.

Placing my attention on the truth and love that lies within our true essence has allowed me to see what is real. Thoughts, emotions and life experiences still come and go, but now it is the voice of my soul that I most hear, it is the truth of my heart that I most feel, and it is the power and stillness of my true essence that provides me with strength and support when I most need it.

In allowing space for all parts of ourselves space to be, in allowing all parts of ourselves to flow, and in focusing on our true essence as our true self, we can transcend the pain of its birthing process and allow ourselves to be transformed. It is a choice you make in each moment, and takes perseverance and commitment as you adapt to a whole new way of being. From my experience your essence will meet you more than half way.

Once you have proclaimed your intention to live and be your true essence, all kinds of magic will unfold in response to your decision. Your true essence is of such a high vibration that all that does not match it will naturally fall away. All that does match it will naturally come to you. We can put away the shovels!

Stay true to your new choice and it will stay true to you. Being your true essence will allow you to finally live with the peace, wholeness and fulfillment you so seek, desire and deserve.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dana Mrkich is a conscious channel, energy reader, writer and visionary helping the shift toward remembering who we really are. She is a passionate activist for more empowering, truth-based media, and the merging of consciousness with action in International Relations. She encourages connection and communication with all aspects of our personal, collective and universal energy to inspire healing and greater awakening. Please write to her at: dana@danamrkich.com or visit her online at www.danamrkich.com.