I recently saw someone on TV describing how she first found out that she had Multiple Sclerosis. Apparently, it hit her really dramatically as she simply woke up one day unable to get out of bed. That’s exactly what happened to me. Before being diagnosed two and a half years ago, I had been to several doctors and a psychiatrist because everyone thought this was all in my head.

Prior to this, I was healthy and very much into alternative holistic health and diet. I used I used to walk at least 6miles a day from Cohasset to Hull with my dog Manray. We were regulars on my routine walks and we got to know storekeepers, the mailman and neighbors. Manray was so well known on Nantasket beach he was nicknamed “the mayor of Hull”.

When I became ill, I spent the first two years in my apartment, crawling on all fours to get to the bathroom. Abandoned by all my Christian friends, I had no way to get to the doctors. This period of time is very hard to remember and is like a blackout and I do not know how I survived. Lying in my bed for endless days and nights, hearing children playing, the traffic going by and dogs barking, I wondered if anyone knew I was living like a homeless person, marooned in my own apartment.

Then, one day, I was able to make it across the street to the Glastenbury Abbey and someone there took me to a doctor. A psychotherapist named Dr. Annabelle Wallace of the Norwell Natural Health Group started coming to my apartment and treating me for trauma at no cost. I owe this dear angel so much I do not know how to repay her.

Knowing that I have a degree in art and used to sell hand painted furniture in stores throughout the south shore, she turned up at my door one day with some unfinished birdhouses, saying, “Why don’t you paint these?” I felt my creativity was all wiped out and did not have any inspiration because of the physical pain and lack of sleep, but Annabelle was consistent in her support and encouragement and so, eventually, I picked up the paintbrush.

Next, a volunteer from an agency who used to drive me to appointments suggested we stop at an art supplies store on our way home. Another angel had entered my life, echoing the words create, create, create. Then I received a home health aide who started bringing me mailboxes to paint. After that, Easter Seals made a website for me and I started displaying my artwork, all the while wondering how this was going to help.

Then, last winter, I was struck with intense fatigue. I couldn’t understand how I could possibly be any more tired than I already was. Somewhere between bed and the hospital tests for thyroid cancer I heard an inner voice say, “Just paint. Your illness is an aspect of yourself but not your True Creative Self. Identify with your inner creative source, which is the only thing that cannot be destroyed or affected.”

Okay, now I am really losing it, I thought. Here I was, with just my computer, hospital appointments and my three angels being my only contact with the outside world, and all this beauty was pouring out of me. So I asked a local store if they would take my hand-painted totes and matching greeting cards and clothing. Every item sold on Mother’s Day. I then sent my artwork to THASC, a greeting card company that publishes the work of disabled artists. And recently, I have been discovered by Luxury Tots.com and Baby Universe.com.

When my best friend discovered that she too had this devastating illness, my inner voice prompted me to pass on the message, “just be in your joy and create.” Now she is creating aromatherapy oils specifically for people with fibromayalgia.

Today, my intention is to share my story with anyone who has any limitations, and tell them, find your passion within yourself, whether it is cooking, knitting, writing or painting, and be in your joy.

When I was stuck in my former life I never would have been able to achieve having my work out there alongside famous designers who probably spent years getting their work noticed. This all happened to me within one year, without even leaving my apartment.

It is like it just came through and found me, despite my seeming negative condition. Now I want to help others find their joy, and to know that, whatever the circumstances, the creative source is always there, supporting us.

It has been a long hard process and difficult journey to let go of my old self and find acceptance of this life. It is a gift. How many people get to die consciously in one life, to leave their comfortable routines, and enter into another life that is totally unknown?