I ATTENDED THE Hawaiian "Awaken the Dynamic Power of Healing, Unconditional Love and the Light of Lokahi, Deep Within", a world Indigenous peoples gathering of local and global healing, presented by Tutu Emma Kaahuhailikaukoalaa Foundation.

The very first day of the gathering I intuitively heard deep inside of me, Just shine your light. You don't have to do anything else. I said to myself "No problem, I can do that!"

Well, by the second day, it was becoming more difficult to just be and shine the light. I started to judge the group participants, especially our facilitator. Impatience was building up inside of me. I thought I had not placed expectations on this gathering, but I had, indeed. Again, deep within me, I heard, Just shine your light.

I realized at that moment, I couldn't do it; it wasn't as easy as I thought to shine our light. My judgments toward myself and others quickly dulled my light. My judgments turned to resentments, and anger. It was important at that point to acknowledge these feelings and talk to the co-facilitator. I said, "I am very angry and frustrated. I paid a lot of money and I don't think I am getting my money's worth."

He was kind enough to listen to me without judgment. We explored my feelings of betrayal as a child. I distinctly remember not having enough and being betrayed by my parents. I yearned for acceptance, nurturing and love. I knew they loved me, but I didn't feel it! Just before moving to Hawaii, my sister told me she thought I was her half-sister. My mother had told my sister that she had an affair with a man she deeply loved before I was born. To this day I am not 100% sure who my biological father is. I have forgiven my mother for not telling me, but I guess there were still some feelings of betrayal and judgment, deep inside of me. The co-facilitator helped me to release these feelings.

When I asked our facilitator Kumu for forgiveness for judging her, I cried, deeply, from within. At that moment, I was also asking my inner child for forgiveness. In native Hawaiian traditions this process is called Ho'o PonoPono: resolving conflict through forgiveness and love.

A few days after this experience, one of the participants offered her healing services to us. Feeling comfortable and safe around her, I asked for a session. I also felt she was genuine, and only had my highest interest at heart.

While lying on my back on the massage table, I breathed deeply to stop the chatter in my mind. While she was gently rocking my head back and forth, I said a prayer and set an intention to receive clarity about my life and this gathering I was attending.

At certain times during the session, I questioned the visions I was receiving. Was I making all this up? Was it just my imagination? I had to remind myself that when I pray, I ask to receive messages and visions for my highest good. I also had to remind myself, "Why ask if I am not going to trust the messages?"

Toward the end of the session, I felt my crown chakra at the top of my head open up. I continued to take long, deep breaths from my pico (abdomen), allowing the divine light to pass through into my heart. I had a vision of a pure white ball penetrating my heart and then expanding throughout my body. I received the message, Shine your light. If you forget, remember this image.

This is the image I had during my session; I took this picture at Uluru (Ayers Rock), Australia, in September 2003. This land is sacred to the aboriginal people. It is recognized as a World Heritage area for both its natural and cultural value. I was inspired by the immense natural beauty and powerful energy surrounding the rock. The ball of light in this picture is an unexplained phenomenon... I view it as a ball of pure divine light.

I took away from this experience a three-fold lesson:

1. To shine our light brightly, we need to release judgments, especially our own.
2. Living in the moment requires patience.
3. We must have respect and compassion for another's journey, even if it is very different from our own.

© Diane Zander, 2006

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Diane Zander is a registered nurse and Reiki Master who has worked in the mental health field for over 18 years. In her practice, Diane has developed a unique way for coping with stress and disease. Recently, Diane has been inspired to integrate sound vibrations in her practice, using Tibetan bowls, drums, and toning.

Diane has traveled to many sacred places around the world, including Tibet, Egypt, Africa, Amazon Rain Forest, India, and Australia in her endeavor to connect with indigenous people to gain wisdom and knowledge and heal the wounds of her past.

Diane lived in Hawaii for 3 years, connecting with the fire goddess, Madame Pele, to confront some of fears that kept her from reaching her highest potential. Currently, Diane is living in South Island of New Zealand and may be contacted at Heart Moon Institute for Holistic Studies, P.O. Box 1333, Nelson New Zealand, or via e-mail. Her website is www.heartmoon.org.