SPIRITUALLY PARENTING YOUR
INNER CHILD

By Donna Fox

1. Using the imagination this way is not accepted.

2. We are different because we can do things other people can't, and being different is not acceptable.

3. It is wrong to sense these things and it is wrong to tell anyone we sense them. Grown ups don't like to hear about things they don't see or understand.

We are taught by verbal language, urgency of response, voice tone and body language not to imagine, vision or create anything beyond what is "normally accepted" as creative. In other words, thinking outside of the box can be risky.

And we have learned this lifetime after lifetime. We experience pushing our creativity down, being stifled in our ideas and emotions. Self-defeating statements are fed to us on a regular basis with our breakfast cereal. For example:

"You can't always get what you want"
"Life's not fair - learn it early"
"Don't be selfish"
"Always be nice"
"Good little girls never get angry"
"Big boys don't cry"
"You have to be strong"
"Why are you acting so dumb?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"What's the matter with you?" etc.

It is self-defeating statements like these that form the foundations of a belief system that causes confusion, lack of self worth, anger and depression. What is important to remember about these statements is that they are only the opinions and beliefs of someone else. You no longer have to buy into them. You can assess your own truth and beliefs, and integrate these into your heart and mind.

The intent of this article is to serve as a guide for Journaling, for exploration of your divine innocence, and for establishing a relationship with your inner child. The questions and insights contained herein are for your contemplation. Explore your own answers and opinions. Examine your current belief systems to see how they serve you. Where necessary, create new belief systems that are based on your experience, what you know to be your truth, not other people's opinions. We all have a different level and definition of personal truth - as we do with spirituality. When we can define it we can then decide to commit to living it, walking it and integrating it. The following seven steps form one of many paths to healing and wholeness. Take your time along this path. The beauty you are about to see is all your own.

Seven Steps to Spiritually Parenting Your Inner Child

1. Acknowledgment
2. Honesty
3. Establishing trust
4. Forgiveness
5. Acceptance
6. Playfulness
7. Reconnecting To The Divine

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Everyone has an inner child. So how does one acknowledge his or her inner child? Find a private place, have a journal with your favorite pen handy, get quiet, picture yourself as a child, just allow an image of yourself at whatever age to come to you. See the details of your hair, your clothes and the expression on your face. Where are you? Are you in the park, your backyard or inside the home you grew up in? Look for the details while focusing on your little one's face. Now imagine yourself in the picture as the adult you are now. Begin a conversation. Think of all the questions you always wanted an adult to ask you when you were a kid and write them down. For example: "What makes you happy? What makes you sad? When do you feel most afraid? How can I help you? What do you need to feel safe? What would you most like me to know about you? What do you like to do for fun? What makes you laugh?"

Also think of all the wonderful, loving things you've always wanted to hear from the authority/guardian adults in your family. Tell those loving things to your little one and acknowledge the distance that has been between you up until now. Apologize for not understanding your little one's needs and promise from this point forward to be more conscious of their needs, including visiting them regularly.

HONESTY

Begin an inner dialog with your little one that listens, talks and tells the truth to each other. Commit to assisting each other to be the best that you can be. Encourage your little one to tell you the truth about how they see things. Get their opinion. Ask for their insight. Ask them what they need or what would have to happen for them to trust you again? Become conscious of how often you choose not to be honest in everyday affairs, from rationalizing taking an extra 10 minutes at lunch each day to parking in the handicapped spot even for a short time. When we cheat others we cheat ourselves. Not being honest is not living within our integrity; not living within our integrity causes shame and guilt for most people. Dishonesty, shame and guilt create a feeling of unworthiness, which leads to depression. Becoming aware of it helps plug up the holes where our power leaks away.

ESTABLISHING THE TRUST FACTOR

It's very hard for our inner child to trust us when we don't trust ourselves. Years of not telling ourselves the truth about what we want, saying one thing and doing another, creates internal mistrust. From the time we are little we are taught not to trust our own feelings, told we are imagining things when we know what we saw, called too sensitive or crazy when we were able to read the energy of a parent, trusted adult, or a peer and know they weren't telling the truth about how they felt.

These and more have affected our credibility with our self and our inner child. Establishing the trust factor is a step by step process. As we learn to trust our self, our inner child also learns that we can be counted on to follow through. It can begin by telling our inner child that every morning and every night we will give them an internal hug, and then doing it. Start small, one step at a time. Look for what creates shame or guilt in your life. Begin to be conscious of how you feel when you say yes to going to an event you'd rather not go to; or agree to do something for someone else because of guilt; or make a "to do list" for yourself of 25 projects for Saturday afternoon that would take at least two lifetimes to complete. In other words, notice when you say 'yes' but you mean 'no', agree to something to protect someone else's feelings but hurt your own, or over-commit yourself to yourself. Establishing trust is about being straight with you and telling yourself the truth. Your little one knows and will tantrum when you do over-commit. That's when you go into overwhelm and usually stop, wonder why you're sabotaging yourself, beat yourself up and get stuck. Sound familiar?

FORGIVENESS

When we are children we are forced to do things that are beyond our control. Decisions are made for us that we have no say in and our power is stripped from us by well meaning parents unaware of the ramifications, as well as the real, horrific cases of abuse, physical, emotional and spiritual. Nevertheless we grow up feeling responsible for all the stuff in our lives that hurts us. The interesting part of this is that as adults we try to control our kids. Only to find out it's the little kid inside who is controlling us as adults. Forgiveness of self for all the real and perceived pain we experienced as a child is a key factor in moving forward and forgiving others.

The conversation we need to have with our inner child is one of surrender to being powerless to the actions of the adults we endured as a child. Allow the little one some venting time. We also need to offer an apology for our former unconsciousness to the needs of our inner child. A natural result of this conversation is a commitment to stand up for our inner child from this point forward, and to create a safe space where no one will ever hurt them again. Plus lots of hugs and realizing you can never say "I love you" to your inner child too many times.

ACCEPTANCE

Healing brings up many long buried memories, feelings and emotions. Things we thought we dealt with years ago return to test us and show us new insights into the gifts of the pain. Anger is a huge repressed emotion that is the cause of most of the depression on this planet. Anger turned inside on ourselves and creates depression, then we beat ourselves up for experiencing it and not being able to control it or overcome it. Our inner child is also very angry. In fact, it's that little one throwing a tantrum that will really throw us into a deep depression. Acceptance is necessary to allow your inner child to let loose and be angry. The years and the injustices are all there, chafing at the bit to get out. Allow your little one to openly yell at you, get angry, write you a letter. And then write one back. Create an anger journal by writing down the sources of your anger, rip the page out, tear it up and/or burn it.

When I began to write this article I asked my little one to help me. Well, she was having no part of it and flat out said NO. I hadn't been paying any attention to her for a while and she was mad. Well, what a gift! How wonderful to allow her to be honest, to be angry and to accept that she had a right not to help if that's what she wanted. I told my dear, wise, angel friend, Sharyl Jackson, and she helped my little one understand by talking directly to her. And she helped me to learn even more about how to talk with my inner child.

PLAYFULNESS

Bring on the finger paints! It's time to get goopy! So the question is: "What activity as a child did you most want to do but couldn't?" Check it out with your inner child and go for it! Notice the funny or ironic things that happen during the day and comment to your little kid verbally. Then giggle and give that little one a hug. Go to a pet shop and play with the puppies or kittens - that is, if you can handle leaving them there till the next time. Take a walk on the beach, build a sand castle, take a walk in the woods and play hide and seek behind the trees, sit in tall grass and pretend you're invisible. Get some clay and make yourself a symbol of your inner child for your desk, let it dry, then paint it with tempura paint - how about an ashtray or a candy dish or a hand print like when you were in 2nd grade? Buy a big cushy, cuddly teddy bear and take a nap together. The point is to play in whatever way feels fun to you and your little kid on a regular basis. In fact, get together with other folks for an inner child outing or day. Make it up - feel the freedom of being you in all your wonderful innocence.

RECONNECTING TO THE DIVINE

Spiritually parenting your inner child is about connecting with the divine within the innocence of the child you left behind and are just getting to know. It is about doing a little bit of all of the above every day in whatever way is comfortable and supportive to you. It is redefining your concept of God. Knowing everything is of God. We are all Divine Beings. And it's about asking a lot of questions of yourself and your inner child. For example: How do you know God/Spirit now? How is that different than what you were taught? Compare what you know or believe now to what you knew or were taught as a child. Is there a discrepancy? If so what is it? Are you angry with God? If so, why? Do you think God has failed you? If so, how? Do you think you have failed God? if so, how? What was your first experience with prayer, sacredness and your sacred needs? What is sacred to you now? How does your inner child know God? What are your beliefs about what God can, will or won't do for you, based on your behavior? These questions can give you great insight into deepening your connection to the Divine and Spiritually parenting your inner child.

Re-member this is a journey. A wonderful trip to, from and through self-knowledge and Divine Acknowledgment with many stops along the way to play, smell the roses, pray, be thankful and love.

Walk in Light and Know You Are Loved

2001all rights reserved

Donna Fox is a Spiritual Healer who believes in holding a space of Love to empower people to participate in their own healing. She has worked in the area of personal growth for over 23 years studying with teachers like Jean Houston, Robert Fritz, Angel Gail Konz, Chava Leah Lieberman and Mary Parker. The focus of her work, at this time, is learning and teaching the depth of the energy of the Akashic Records. The Akashic Records are also known as "The Book of Life". They contain information of the Soul's journey from its point of origin up to this present lifetime and future possibilities. The information contained in the Akashic Records holds the keys to one's purpose, personal blocks, joys and answers as to what the next step is to being all one can be.

Remembering Your Magnificence - Confirmations of Divine Love for Humans of All Ages, is a recently released, musically rich, spoken word recording Donna created to help people learn to love themselves. It includes all the loving statements you have always wanted to hear as a child about how special you are. Truly the loving voice tones, words and beautiful music of this divinely inspired recording are caressing people of all ages, from babies to seniors.

To hear a free 4-minute, 7-minute, or 15-minute sound sample of this tape please click here.

Donna travels nationally and internationally as a workshop leader, speaker and spiritual counselor. Donna's workshops include: Akashic Records Level I, II & III, Deepening Your Connection To The Divine, and Spiritually Parenting Your Inner Child. A book entitled Spiritually Parenting Your Inner Child will be available September 2001. To contact Donna Fox for an individual telephone consultation, to order a tape/CD, or to have her speak at your next event or conduct a workshop in your area, call 216-691-1233 or email Donna at AkashicWisdom@aol.com.