Jai guru deva, nothing's gonna change my world.
- John Lennon

I FIRST EXPERIENCED WITNESSING in a big way during a trip to Boston in 2000, which I now describe as the flight I could have taken without an airplane. At the time, I couldn't put my finger on what was happening to me, I only knew it was unprecedented and astonishing. Witnessing is the tipping point into Everything Matters, Nothing Matters - the phenomenon through which we transcend ordinary consciousness and can maintain a strong, broad connection to God-consciousness. We're able to split the mind and live in an aware-state and mind-state simultaneously. We are in our bodies living our human experiences and, at the same time, able to step outside of ego and observe still frames of life with objectivity.

We begin to see, truly, that everything does matter - and truly, everything does not matter! While witnessing enables us to be outside of our minds, it also helps us be of more sound mind because we're able to circumvent the human emotions that so often take hold of us and lead us down a path that may not be the best for us.

Of course, everything happens for a reason. Yet with witnessing, we get to the core of an issue much quicker because we're able to see it with more clarity, neutrality and ego-lessness. We understand not just what's best for us but for everyone involved in a situation - and everyone who is NOT involved; in other words, the highest outcome for all concerned, long term.

Leading up to that trip to Boston, circumstances conspired to lift me to a higher level of consciousness but, as usually happens with such transitions, I first had to hit bottom. That year, I had self-published a book and had been working nearly nonstop for six months on promotion - giving talks and book signings, meeting with booksellers, and doing everything I could think of to get media coverage and boost sales. In the midst of all this (as if my attempt to go from total literary obscurity to partial literary obscurity wasn't challenging enough) my co-author basically decided to bail on the project, for personal reasons over which I had no control. In retrospect, I see the perfection in why our work partnership played out the way it did. At the time, of course, I was devastated that she wasn't following through on our co-author contract. I felt abandoned and bitter.

For me, everything came to a head two days before I was to leave for a holistic expo in Boston. Nothing seemed to be going right. Proverbial doors were slamming left and right but I pressed on, readying for the weekend conference. At the last minute, SFF (Soul Friend Forever) Nancy, who owned a bookstore, offered to come along to help me set up at the conference and sell books. I was humbled by her generous expression of friendship and it lifted my mood. Still, I could feel frustration, resentment and pressure building behind my eyes like a levee about to crack open.

I awoke the next morning feeling emotional but got right to work. Sifting through a stack of mail, I noticed a rejection letter from a book contest I'd entered - a miniscule detail that morphed into the final straw. Not able to reach my husband at work, I made an impromptu call to a colleague who works as a life coach.

"Something's really wrong," I told Tom, feeling foolish. "It's only 10 o'clock in the morning and I think I'm going to burst into tears."

"Tell me everything," he said, and the levee broke. For two hours, I wept and raged in such dramatic fashion (Tom was my rock, so loving and nonjudgmental) that I ended my diatribe feeling like a lake after a summer storm, refreshed from above and cleansed of former impurities. The sadness - even though it continued to pass through me that day - took on a poignant, sensual quality, and by the next morning, I awoke feeling light and strangely sublime. And ready to board the plane to Boston.

For the next three days of my "trip" I was living in a state of grace, beyond reproach and above the world, able to simply watch with humor and wonder everything that transpired around me. All was perfect and complete. No anxiety, regret or rage. And while things happened to me, Nothing Mattered. I listened objectively when the person at Logan Airport baggage claim informed me that my box of books hadn't made the flight for some reason. I simply observed the downpour of rain on our way to the convention hall. At dinner that evening I chuckled with childlike innocence when several drunken sailors fell across and actually broke our table. I didn't get upset the next day when housekeeping cleaned out my room 15 minutes before my talk and I couldn't find which closet they stored my belongings in - including my handouts, easel and speaker's notes. Nothing fazed me, not even when the elastic decided to leave my dress slacks the following morning while I was on my way to the exhibit hall (bizarre, as it was a fairly new, fine quality suit). Nancy safety-pinned me in and I floated blithely to my vendor booth.

The paradox, of course, is that Everything Mattered that weekend: the architectural intricacies of Faneuil Hall, our Irish cabbie's brogue, the fluff of the pillows as I finally lay down to sleep each night - every detail swirled into one big, miraculous pastiche of sensations. It was my freshman experience in grasping lessons I'd been attempting to learn for some time about centeredness, patience, not being knocked off-kilter by external circumstances. After my weekend in Beantown, I understood with greater emphasis that it's not what happens to us - it's our response to what happens to us (and, more importantly, who we are going through those experiences) that sets the tone for our daily existence.

MAKE ME A WITNESS:
The Phenomenon Of External Observation

When we become practiced at contemplation, we organically begin to move into a space where we can impartially survey, as if from a distance, what is happening around us and to us. In Zen Buddhism, this state is called kensho or satori - a non-dual, non-personal experience where there is no difference between, nor separation of, "experiencer" and "experience." In Hinduism, the Sanskrit term for this shift from ordinary, sense-dominated perception into an awakened state of clarity is anubhava - the direct experiencing of who we really are. In ancient Greek and to the earliest Christians, the term was gnosis - realizing direct knowledge. Such realizations come not through the intellect or senses, not even through emotions or intuition. It is a mysterious opening that is not fully describable in words. Deepak Chopra says it succinctly: It's the observer being the observed.

Eckhart Tolle explains the concept in The Power of Now: "When we become conscious of Being, what is really happening is that Being becomes conscious of itself. When Being becomes conscious of itself - that's presence. Since Being, consciousness, and life are synonymous, we could say that presence means consciousness becoming conscious of itself, or life attaining self-consciousness. But don't get attached to the words, and don't make an effort to understand this. There is nothing that you need to understand before you can become present."

After the experience in Boston, I kept trying to find a way to "get back there." I would return only in snippets. Over time, as I continued with my intuitive studies and expanding my creative channel, these flying-without-an-airplane moments came with greater frequency and in a more grounded way. After a while, it became "dual nature" - meaning, I could watch the aircraft flying overhead AND be in that plane, looking down at the total landscape of a situation. I was HERE and yet could be THERE, watching HERE. At first, this seemed to happen outside of my will. Now, I can effortlessly delineate and be both, just by quieting my own mind and tuning into the cosmic mind. (What's next? Astral travel? Teleporting? Sure, why not?) From this impersonal space in which there really is no "me," the confluent interaction and spontaneous perfection of All That Is reveals itself of its own accord. All I have to do is kick back and watch the parade.

Recently, a kind and pleasant woman I know, Alice, called to confide in me that she was ashamed of the way she had reacted to a stranger that morning. When this stranger very rudely accused Alice of doing something she didn't do - right in the middle of a grocery store - Alice angrily grabbed the back of the woman's shirt and pulled her. Alice was shocked at her own behavior. But she's a tuned-in person, so, almost on the spot, she asked herself: Why did that incense me? What is in myself that drew that out and caused me react that way? With a tinge of remorse Alice said to me, "I was not in a place of observing myself in that situation because, if I had been, I would have had a very different reaction to that woman. Maybe I would have chosen to have NO reaction to her accusations."

Because Everything Matters, Alice was able to surmise why this incident erupted in the first place: she was subconsciously working through larger issues related to tolerance, and along came a perfect object lesson, right in her face. Or so it seemed. By the end of our phone conversation, we concluded that, hey, we're only human. As an aware person, Alice knows that events are inherently neutral, and that at the same time we create events and draw lessons to ourselves. Even knowing this, we can slip out of higher awareness into "human" mode. In the substrate of our humanity lurks the inevitability that we won't always choose the wisest, most loving course - which is why the phenomenon of Witnessing is so magnificent. It reduces and even obliterates that margin of human error. From the apex of witnessing, nothing causes anything... it just is.

The Trinity of Witnessing
Paramahansa Yogananda writes in his Autobiography of a Yogi, "...the divine eye is center everywhere, circumference nowhere." This phrase, I think, offers the utmost description of witnessing. The ability to witness has unlimited practical applications in our lives. I can't begin to recall how many times this has aided me, especially in relationships and matters involving the safety and security of myself and others. I'd like to add my personal spin on several ways in which this ability to observe from all perspectives has shown up in my life.

Remember my experience at Zeus' Temple in Chapter 4? Even though I was going through a profound psychic shift, I was completely aware of where I was and what I was doing. Part of myself watched me walk up the monument steps. In fact, in those moments, I had become the steps, the monument, the tourists, the sunlight, the whispering breeze - and they, me. Add to that: I was also conscious that I was in a sort-of trance state - or, entranced state. Another part of me perceived that I was touching another realm (in this case, a past life remembrance) - which I simultaneously witnessed, as well. So, the hallmark of this daydream-like foray into witnessing is that we are the "observer and observed" on more than one level. Said another way, we are HERE and THERE, watching ourselves being HERE and THERE.

Something different happens when I work in healing sessions or focus on a situation in everyday life that concerns someone else. In those instances, I'm observing someone else's story, not my own. I connect, step outside the mind and allow the universal intelligence to funnel in. In most cases, it's like watching a movie or documentary being played about that individual. I simply have to wait for the film to roll. I'm not a character in the movie. I have no vested interest in which way the plot unfolds. I'm a silent viewer sitting in the audience waiting to see what the characters will do.

Again, this doesn't only happen during energy work; it can occur at any time based on circumstances that arise from day to day. For instance, I recently witnessed three car accidents in a month's time - up close. In each case, I was driving on the interstate directly behind the car that wiped out. Also in each case, I was given a few seconds of advance notice (intuitively) and was able to slow down not only my car but time itself... as if in slow motion. If I hadn't been in observation mode, I may have panicked and caused a chain reaction on the road. As it was, I simply pulled over, called 911 and assisted the accident victims. And because Everything Matters, you better believe that I wanted to know the meaning behind my witnessing this triad of accidents. (Let's just say I was getting a little careless with cell phone calls while commuting!)

To be sure, the most useful variety of witnessing is observing ourselves. During a period when I was ruminating on the distinction between the soul and the ego, a circumstance arose that provided not only an amusing confirmation of what I was studying, but forced me to make a choice - preferably from an observer-being-observed perspective. I got a call one day from the managing editor of a highly regarded lifestyle magazine in my city. He informed me that one of their upcoming issues was going to debut an annual feature profiling the "25 Most Beautiful People" in the region - not just outward beauty but people who were doing heart-based things in the community. "Your name came up in our editorial meeting," he informed me. "You've been nominated and we'd like to send our photographer out to your home for a photo shoot." What a surprise! What an honor! The shoot was so much fun. I felt glamorous and pampered and special. That's the "ego" part.

Here's the "soul" part. For years, I had wanted to join the masthead of this same magazine as a contributing writer. When the managing editor, Stephen, called to interview me for a write-up to accompany the photo spread, we got to talking. By the end of the conversation, we'd mapped out a strategy for bringing me on board. What a surprise! What an honor! Thinking about that first assignment was so much fun. I felt purposeful and dedicated and lucky. Here's the rub: Being part of the editorial staff was now a conflict of interest for the "25 People" piece. "It would be like we're tooting our own horn," Stephen later said. "What do you want to do? If you come on board, we'll have to nix the photo." From a witnessing perspective, it was a classic ego versus soul battle. In the long run, if I had to choose between ego (glamorous photo spread) and soul (furthering my dharma by writing for one of the city's premier publications), I would choose soul. So I did.

Witnessing Versus Apathy
Witnessing allows us to be in a state of nonattachment, which means that we take a neutral stance towards what is happening around us and can see the divine play, or Lila, in all things. The flow of life is neither sought nor resisted, as the Tao teaches. When we can stand squarely in our truth, we often don't feel a need to react, refute or prove anything. It's very freeing, and extremely useful to us as creative beings. Yet spiritual progression entails much more than learning to speak our truth or depict it through our art - that is only the beginning. The greater challenge, I believe, is being nonattached to others' reactions (or non-reaction) to our truth. Not an easy task, but the more we live in the moment, the less room there is to anticipate or expect anything.

This is not to say that we remain detached (which is different from nonattachment). With detachment, the tendency is to avoid, refuse or devalue what is happening. The goal certainly isn't to become uncaring, indifferent or joyless - quite the contrary.

Stress is so prevalent today, but what is stress but trying to control what we cannot control? Stress originates in the mind. If we have an expectation about another's actions or opinions, we are attached. And when things don't go our way, we become frustrated, angry or hurt... and stressed. Learning to release expectations may be a harder pill to swallow than something we take by prescription, but long term, it's the only real healing solution.

I'm making the distinction here between nonattachment and detachment because, as I've inched my way into the light of awareness, I've noticed that sometimes my neutral witnessing demeanor has been mistaken for lack of interest or concern. And that's not it at all. With nonattachment, you care, but you can stop short of falling into the patterns, projections and drama that others may bring to the interaction - consciously or subconsciously. When you are nonattached, your well being isn't dependent upon other people or situations, so others' choices are just that - their choices, which don't add or subtract anything from you. This is a gift that results from devotion to Spirit. We can intend or even desire a certain outcome and, at the same time, be completely willing to do without it.

Someone (I don't recall who) said, perceptively, that we human beings are the only species privileged enough to refuse our own blossoming. I don't believe that flowers fear their own blooming or doubt their beauty; they simply open to their glad, lush, reckless, trembling selves, in "their eagerness to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing, forever," as Mary Oliver wrote in her poem, "Peonies." In other words, flowers do that being-in-the-moment thing exceptionally well. It doesn't mean they're aloof or unsympathetic. They're just being flowers in bloom. They are remarkably present, the opposite of apathy. And look what they are able to give!

CONTEMPLATION

Fly Without an Airplane
We've all had moments of effervescent joy - the kind that make you want to hug strangers, dance a little jig or run through a field of daisies. Sure, external events can prompt such random behavior but our awakened state allows us to tap into this sensation at will. India's ancient art of health and well being - Ayurveda - refers to this joie de vivre as your ojas. We can cultivate ojas by slowing down, making conscious choices and non-personally observing our own reactions. Starting today, take a few moments to up your ojas-factor in this manner. Even if you're handling a difficult situation, truly and fully be in that experience instead of wishing it away.

Live Through Someone Else's Eyes
Take this one step further by non-personally observing others' actions and reactions. For a few minutes every day - or when the opportunity arises - put yourself in another person's shoes. Suspend all judgment about that individual and simply view things from their perspective. See how it feels... and feel what you see. It might help to think of yourself as an actor taking on the part of a character.

© Gina Mazza Hillier, 2008

Excerpted with permission from Everything Matters, Nothing Matters: For Women Who Dare to Live with Exquisite Calm, Euphoric Creativity and Divine Clarity (St. Lynn's Press, April 2008, ISBN: 978-0-9767631-8-5, $17.95) is available at bookstores nationwide and major online booksellers. Visit www.EverythingmattersNothingmatters.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gina Mazza Hillier is nationally published freelance journalist, editor, writing consultant, dance enthusiast and advocate of living with creative abandon and full-frontal consciousness. She is known for being a source of inspiration - or, a muse - to others in their writing and in their spiritual-personal development. Gina is a partner and founder of Epiphany Works, LLC, an "inspired events" planning company that creates public entertainment and forums of inquiry to celebrate and integrate world cultures and spiritual traditions.

In addition to Everything Matters, Nothing Matters, she is the co-author of Romancing with Future (Findhorn Press, 2008) and The Highest and The Best (Xlibris, 2000). Gina can be reached at inspire@zoominternet.net. For more information, visit www.Ginawriter.com, www.epiphanyworks.org or http://museyoucanuse-gina.blogspot.com.