THE MIRACLE THAT OCCURRED IN MY LIFE in the fall of 1999 was what many would refer to as a tragedy. For me it has been a miracle, a life changing event and the beginning of a journey into my own truth...a wake up call if you will.

On 30th October 1999, I figured I'd relieve a little stress after a tough workday by joining a couple of friends for a drink at our usual establishment. One or two drinks can sometimes take the edge off.

I drank much more than that. Hours later as I pulled out of the parking lot, I had no conscious idea of how drastically my life was about to change; ironically, especially the inside. It was just after closing time and I proceeded to take the familiar route home.

I was in absolutely no state to be driving but I had ridden that fine line so many times before that I chose to forget how fragile I really was in this grand universe of ours. I had made it about half of the way home when I crashed into the back of a parked semi-truck trailer on the side of the roadway.

Fortunately, there happened to be a fire station and a hospital within 2 miles of the incident. An emergency crew was dispatched to the scene where they found my vehicle wedged almost completely underneath the truck trailer with the top peeled back like a sardine can. They used the jaws of life to extract me from the mangled metal.

Upon admittance to the hospital, my throat had swollen shut due to the massive cranial injury and I was no longer able to breathe.

I've been told that when my family was notified of what had happened, they were urged to come as quickly as possible... to say goodbye. The paramedics, the doctors, the nurses, nobody thought I would make it. I had taken the impact in my face. Following the intubation and resuscitation, the many lacerations on my face were stitched up. Then the damage was assessed.

I had fractured three vertebrae, my jaw had broken completely off my skull and I had multiple facial fractures. They kept me heavily sedated and administered anti-inflammatories as they began testing for paralysis and brain damage. Miraculously, I had sustained neither. Ten days later, the swelling of my head (my mother said it was the size of a pumpkin) had subsided. They wheeled me in for the first and most major reconstructive surgery. Sixteen plates and over sixty screws later, the bones of my face were pieced back together.

Thirteen days after that nearly fatal night, I opened my eyes. Since my jaw was wired shut and I still had a tracheotomy, I began to communicate with my family and friends through writing.

I knew that something terrible had happened to me. My family revealed to me what I had done and what had transpired for the last two weeks. I remember the intense gratitude I felt that no one else had been a victim of my arrogance other than myself.

In retrospect, I see how many people were hurt indirectly by the experience. I believe that if I had woken up that day to learn that I had seriously harmed or killed another person, I would have lost the desire to remain living myself.

I was released from the hospital within a month. Though I'd had excellent care there, it felt much better to be in the comfort and security of home. I was pretty reclusive for months... my story was all over my face.

I experienced a total identity crisis, never realising how much my self-worth was reliant on my appearance, as if how I looked was who I am.

Not only that but it also became clear to me how what I had, what I knew and what I'd accomplished had determined who I was. I truly have never felt so naked in my life. It was a very dark night of the soul for me.

It was also a priceless blessing. I found myself in a place where I couldn't hide from the truth of my being any longer, I had to find the real me that was living in my skin.

So began the discovery - or should I say a rediscovery - of my authentic self. I love the soul I reconnected with, the person that I am now. I may have fooled the world before but I could never honestly say those things until now.

I can also say - straight from the heart - that I wouldn't change what happened if I could, not a single piece of it. I believe I read somewhere that it is in the face of adversity that we discover who we truly are.

I recall having had glimpses of this life as if it were a dream. I had great fear of just how incredible it could actually be, of how incredible I could actually be.

This experience and its many dimensions have afforded me the courage to step into that dream. I've engaged my spirituality and it is so much grander than I ever fathomed.

It is the miracle that reminded me of all the miracles that happen in every moment, in all of our lives, that often times go unnoticed and unappreciated.

To feel the sun shine down his warmth gently on to my face, to feel the wind rustle softly through my hair as I admire the awesome beauty of the peaceful sunrise, to hear the wondrous laugh of a happy child as they watch a butterfly flutter by. All these miracles great and great...for there are no small miracles!

© Jennifer Outram, 2002

The artwork used to illustrate this article appears by the kind permission of Gabriëlle van der Snoek. To view more of Gabrielle's artwork, please visit www.galeriegabrielle.com.

We invite you to share your experiences, opinions and questions on this article. Please visit the PLW Community and leave your comments.

Jennifer Outram - is a 31 year old resident of Phoenix, Arizona in the U.S. She is also a native of the state. She is currently studying various forms of alternative medicine and metaphysics. She is an aspiring spiritual counselor and writer. She gains great fulfillment in the service of others and desires to assist others in rediscovering their own tools for self healing.