| REGARDLESS
OF HOW ROCK-RIBBED A PERSON'S BELIEF
in life after death is, when a loved one dies, the loss is very real
and emotionally devastating. The loss of physical contact, the inability
to have meaningful, fulfilling conversation is often overwhelming. The
knowledge that the loved one survived so-called death and lives on in
spirit is affirming, but does not negate the real loss experienced on
the earth plane.
When Lisa Ballo died from cancer at age 38, despite the fact that both
she and husband Rich knew that life goes on and had studied many spiritual/metaphysical
and alternative approaches to life and health, Rich was utterly desolate.
His beloved Lisa was no longer sharing his bed, his dreams and plans.
Suddenly it was just Rich who single-handedly had the daunting responsibility
of raising his five- and-six-year-old sons.
Despite the fact that Rich didn’t think he could go on and often
didn’t want to, he somehow survived the leaden days that followed
Lisa’s death. He didn’t think it would be possible for him
to ever piece a meaningful life together again, he doubted he could
ever enjoy so much as shared laughter or any sweet moment of life.
As a professional writer, Rich recorded his personal journal by committing
his thoughts on paper. Little did he know that his journal would become
the basis for a book entitled Life Without Lisa: A Widowed Father’s
Compelling Journey Through the Rough Seas of Grief.
In the book, Rich candidly shares the healing process he went through
as well as some of the visitations he had from his wife after her death.
Both Lisa and Rich firmly believed in life after death and his experiences
with Lisa from the spirit world profoundly reinforced his belief.
“I
know that my wife Lisa’s spirit still influences me and is still
around even though she ‘died’ in 1993,” Rich emphasizes.
“Since then, Lisa has come to me mostly in my dreams. Her appearances
helped me accept the fact that her soul determined that she had to
go to the other side. For whatever reasons, this is the path her soul
intended.”
Rich
explains that it wasn’t just wishful thinking that brought these
experiences to him. “No matter how hard I wished her to appear
and tried to will a visitation from her, I could not force it to happen,”
he assures. Instead, according to Rich, she just spontaneously appeared
at various times without his bidding.
He reports he was comforted when she appeared to him. They would hug,
but all too soon she would tell him that she had to go. He’d say
okay, even though he didn’t want her to leave, but he knew she
had to go. He had a couple of extremely vivid experiences like that.
Those were early on within the first year after her death.
 Once
Lisa appeared in his bedroom in Florida. According to Rich’s account,
Lisa came and sat on the bed beside him. She was naked, but the only
thing he could really see were the surgical scars on her abdomen that
had resulted from multiple surgeries to remove various tumors. It was
a very vivid and a somewhat disquieting visitation for Rich.
After Lisa was diagnosed with cancer, she and Rich searched for answers
and healing therapies. “We went to Sedona to experience the energy
vortexes. I had my palm read and she had her aura read. The guy told
her that her aura was the strangest one he had ever seen because it
was bright white light from the shoulders up. This was eight months
before she died. He was probably seeing her close connection to the
spirit world and her imminent return to spirit,” Rich hypothesizes.
Actually, a variety of therapies did extend her life, Rich believes.
The two studied and participated in meditation, Reiki, hemi-synch at
the Monroe Institute, acupuncture, sound therapy, light therapy, and
ayurveda with Deepak Chopra at the Lancaster, MA, center he headed up
at the time. She took vitamins and practiced Silva Mind Control methods.
Lisa Ballo was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on her 35th birthday,
yet she lived to the end of her 38th year just before turning 39. “I
am convinced all these alternative treatments benefited her because
her cancer had metastasized into her reproductive organs just a couple
of weeks after diagnosis — it was very fast moving. After that,
she went full force into all these different well-being approaches and
lived almost another four years,” Rich explains. A woman they
knew of with the same type cancer who did not pursue alternative therapies
died within six months of diagnosis.
Since her death, Lisa’s presence has become apparent to Rich in
a variety of ways, not just through dreams and visitations.
One day just prior to publishing Life Without Lisa, publisher Karla
Wheeler was on her way to the office when she felt compelled to turn
on the radio, something she rarely did while driving, as she preferred
to drive in silence. At that very moment, a favorite song of Karla’s
was playing. It was Anne Murray’s “Can I Have This Dance
for The Rest of My Life?” Karla was struck by the fact that she
must hold the presses; Life Without Lisa couldn’t go on the press
until the book gave readers personal glimpses of Lisa, such as her favorite
songs, ice cream flavors, reading material, taste in clothing, etc.
Later that morning Karla asked Rich if they could insert a few descriptions
of Lisa’s preferences and explained what prompted her to make
major changes in the book at the eleventh hour. Rich explains,“
I almost fell out of my chair. I was almost breathless as I stammered
out that Lisa loved that song so much that we chose it as our wedding
song! Karla was deeply touched by this synchronicity and told me she
was convinced this was not mere coincidence, that she felt Lisa’s
spirit guiding every step of the publishing process. Needless to say,
Lisa’s likes and preferences were inserted throughout the book,
which we’ve been told adds to the book’s readership appeal.”
Another “not a mere coincidence” involved the photograph
used on the cover of the book. Rich and his publisher decided to select
a lighthouse for the cover because it was symbolic of Lisa’s having
been a bright light to so many people.
Rich asked Allan Wood, a photographer who specializes in lighthouses
and who was Lisa’s friend in high school and became his friend
as well, if he and Karla could look at some of his shots and consider
publishing one on the book cover. Allan sent about 20 lighthouse photos
from which to choose. Rich and Karla picked the one that’s on
the cover because it had so much feeling to it. They thought it characterized
the conflict within Rich that is presented in the book, representing
so many facets of the process he went through. Flowing water yet rough
seas; cloudy skies with a chance of clearing and sunshine; jagged rocks
in foreground yet the comfort of a lighthouse in the background. So
that’s the shot that they used.
Weeks later when Rich visited Allan in his office to give him a copy
of the book, Rich happened to notice an enlarged, framed version of
the photo hanging on his wall. Rich says, “It dawned on me that
this particular lighthouse bore a striking resemblance to the one on
Lisa’s headstone, as shown on page 207 of the book. Allan and
I wondered if it could possibly be the same lighthouse.”
Rich visited the headstone company where he bought the gravestone and
asked them if they could find out what lighthouse the etching was based
on. A few days later, Karla got a phone call saying the lighthouse used
as the model for the headstone etching was Portland Head Light in Cape
Elizabeth, Maine. That’s the same  one
featured on the front cover of Life Without Lisa! “We were amazed
by the news and could only conclude that Lisa had orchestrated the whole
thing from the other side since the lighthouse chosen for the book cover
was identical to that of her tombstone! After all, I had never been
to that lighthouse and I didn’t pick out the gravestone; our sons
did. I had no idea they were the same exact lighthouse,” Rich
says.
“I am certain Lisa’s spirit was there with the kids when
they picked out the headstone, with Allan when he sent the lighthouse
photos, and with Karla and me when we pondered the photographs. Lisa’s
presence from the other side reaffirmed that our decision on that particular
photograph for the cover was her preference. She was still being a light
guiding our way,” Rich happily concludes.
©
Richard Ballo, Jill Lawrence, 2005
Life
Without Lisa: A Widowed Father’s Compelling Journey Through the
Rough Seas of Grief by Richard Ballo, Published by Quality of Life
Publishing Co. (1-877-513-0099) • ISBN: 0-9675532-4-5. Distributed
to North American bookstores by Biblio Distribution
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