Today I will grow, I will listen, I will have more love to give, I will have compassion.

Yesterday I cried.
Today I sing.
Judging was a part of me.
Today I have forgotten that word.
I blamed my mother and father yesterday.
Today I lost blame and found responsibility.
There was no time to fix anyone; the only I one I can fix is me.
I felt guilty and in my head could not please.
I love, let go, go on and guilt slips from my bank of torments.
I am never right and wrong is my middle name.
I address my childhood drama and release my thoughts to the brilliant aftermath, the self found.
I loved with conditions.
I love with a pure heart and no spilling of fake emotions.
All paths led to problems.
I uncreated them.
I stood in the mist of dawn and looked for the sun.
I am the mist and dawn and sun looking only to be enlightened.
I cried for my Spirit to give me all the answers, and yet, I was detached from Spirit. Today I live it.
I never have enough and must struggle each moment.
I was in the wrong classroom.
If God created the world and all that is in it, why am I sick?
I was sick of who I was in the world and have created a new model.
I don't understand awareness, I just can't!
I took off the blinders, opened the door, and stepped out and away.
I want everything now; time is eating me up.
There is no time, and I have everything I need.
There are five people I can never forgive.
I have forgiven myself.
All my dreams were nightmares and none of my wishes came true.
All wishes are dreams come true, and nightmares gallop with the moon and carry me to realities of desires.
I complained of life and her chores, her woes.
I am thankful for each breath in each life I choose.
I am stuck here and can go no further, I do not want to know anymore.
I follow love, my soul is at the altar of great capacity; the tombs of my unwilling approach have crumbled.
I long for my youth and cannot stand to grow older and alone.
I am never alone, and youth is with me as long as I let it be.
I used to think there were angels to help me, but I have never seen one.
Hearing my name called out at night, or while reading, or walking leads me to know that someone is watching over me. I do not have to see them to believe.
I seem to have been walking backwards.
I have turned around.
It is hard to believe in Heaven.
It is within blinking distance.
There is no true love.
I look within, and I look at the planet and universe about me, the smile of my child, the touch of my lover's hand, a hug from a stranger, the butterfly and wasp sipping nectar from the same blossom, and even in the wings of death I now see true love...and tomorrow I will not be the same as I am today, and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. My silent thoughts will wake me once more and weave a new garment of invisible truths to dance in my new awareness.
I am angry at my spouse for dying and leaving me with debt and pain and loneliness. I am angry that I am not immortal.
I lost myself in the moment and am now centered.
Relationships come and go for me, no one has ever wanted to know who I am, no one has ever loved me as I loved him, no one gives back.
I choose to open myself up to become who I really am, not what someone wants me to be for him or her. I give with no thought of the return, just the joy of giving, knowing that the universe gives me what I need, and that giving comes around when you least expect it. The circle returns upon itself, and I am in the circle. From within the self, I choose to love who I am and someone will come into my life and love me for that alone. I hid behind the shadow of a me that only wanted to make someone else happy. I lost the me I loved the most. I feared I was unlovable.
Love is all there is and is in the eye of the beholder. I choose to love; with that energy alone I shall reap only benefits.
I will never make it in this world, it's just too tough.
I have changed how I look and think about the world and seek a positive outlook.
There is always someone better than me, and I want to be what he or she is.
There is no one better or worse than anyone else. I put myself in a place of balance and accept me. I grow as the sapling. I am flexibility.
Why me, what have I done and why am I feeling so much shame?
Why not let it go, and find something beautiful to concentrate upon? Shame is a message given by someone who does not love him or herself and puts attitudes on me that I will not hang about my neck. I am a vessel overflowing with compassion and love, and there is no room for anything else.
What has God ever done for me?
What can I do for God, the Higher Self, the All, the OZ, the Buddha...The Me of All That Is?
I cannot accept the unknown, I need the answers, or I will perish.
The unknown has become a comet I ride freely towards new goals, new memories, new lives with great anticipation of what is next; I create answers as I go.
My children did not turn out how I wanted them to be.
My children are who they are and I love them unconditionally.
I was set up, it always happens to me.
I accepted it, I bought it, I gave up my innate power to someone else. Next time I will understand the actors and the director. I am the director of my life.
I can never recover what I have lost.
I have my life and material items come and go and cannot make me happy.
I am this way because of circumstances in life, drinking kills the pain; drugs take me to higher realms than I could ever reach without them.
I chose all my circumstances as learning tools.
I have not looked inside for anything and now I see that I doubted my worthiness. I trusted outside influence to deaden the inside of darkness, fearing truth and light. My higher realm was hidden by the fog of temptation to become who I am not.
The fog has become a painting in life and I am aware of new colors. I am worthy and deserving.
If I do not believe in it, then it does not exist.
Nothing could be more truthful.
I give up; everything and everyone is against me.
I moved my energy into a more loving environment.
Trusting leaves me open for disappointment and failure.
I trust myself first.
The past is always looming about; it ruins my future.
I live in the garden of NOW, no expectations of tomorrow, and no regrets of yesterday and so each day is a new landscape with a new sky and a new me, new eyes to behold new futures that I create NOW.

Judith Arianne was born in Wisconsin and now lives in California. A person with many profound events happening in her life, she is always open to new secrets of the universe. She is an artist, writer, and works with older people who if given the time, have many life stories that have too long been silent. She loves and cares for the planet as a citizen of the earth and is grateful for the gift of learning that has held such great bounty for her. She can be reached via glosse39@aol.com.
Read Judith's Previous article - Young Heart, Ancient Wisdom.