I WENT BACK to the house after stopping momentarily at my bungalow. Everyone had disappeared, and I assumed they'd gone to town for lunch. As I walked past the main kitchen, I saw Doreen, the woman who was angry about the coin. I decided to take care of this issue so it wouldn't be, as Earl Nightrider had put it, a dangling participle. I walked in as she was peeling a pot full of potatoes. "Hello..."

She looked up at me and nodded, and I asked if I could talk with her for a moment. She shrugged her shoulders, not particularly delighted by the prospect, but motioned me over to a stool near where she was working.

"May I help?" I was sincere in an attempt to give a hand.

"Not necessary," she said.

"I'd like to tell you a little about what happened before I found the coin the other night, and why I wanted to keep it." I told her about the meditation that prompted this search for the Grail, the powerful dreams I'd had, and how all the events led me to meet Roland and come to New Mexico.

When I was done, I took the coin out of my pocket, where I'd kept it, and handed it to her. "I didn't understand how much pain this coin represented from the past or how much trouble it could bring today. My reason for wanting to keep it was because of what I told you. I have no interest in finding gold or exploiting anybody. So, I'd like you to take the coin and do what you want with it."

She looked at me differently, and the veil of protection lifted from her eyes. She smiled wholeheartedly, and we reached out to one another, as women will do, and embraced. I had tears in my eyes, and mumbled an apology. "I am so sorry for what my ancestors did to yours. Please forgive us." The psychic wounds went deep, and although it may have seemed unnecessary to an onlooker, the apology was important for both of us.

We each pulled tissues from our pockets to dab wet eyes, and what had been an uncomfortable situation turned into a new friendship. Doreen reached into a drawer, handed me another peeler, and we sat chatting contentedly. The potatoes glistened as they were separated from their coarse skins, the metaphor of our interaction.

At 4:00 the group returned, and I apologized for having left. Rather than pull away from me, they each hugged me in turn. I realized that sometimes what appears to be a negative opens us to something better. My departure and the subsequent gifts of insight I'd received were priceless. Without acting on my feelings of isolation, I would not have met Earl Nightrider, nor come to this greater recognition of connection.

Mark walked up behind me as we moved towards the workshop area. "I'd like to have a few minutes to talk with you." The others were going to spend the rest of the afternoon in informal conversation.

"Listen," Nathan said with a twinkle in his eye, "We're all going dancing tonight in Santa Fe, and you don't get off without joining us this time!"

I laughed, and agreed to go.

"Good," he said. "We're leaving at 6:30."

Mark and I walked to the verandah, and he motioned me to sit down. He pulled his chair directly across from mine, and took both my hands in his. He got a smirky little smile on his face and looked me over, head to toe.

"What did you think I'd tell you... that you were an axe murderer?"

"No." I laughed. "I didn't know what you'd say, but I didn't want to hear it. I got defensive, and just wanted to get away."

"Well, I'm glad you came back." He squeezed my hands and let go. "Can I tell you what I see now?"

I nodded, and he closed his eyes for a minute, gathering his insights. Then he told me that I radiated a high level of spirituality, but that I only brought my breath down to the solar plexus area of my body.

"Anything below your waist is a 'no-no' to you. You're keeping yourself top heavy. You have no problem with height... you'd go out of the stratosphere, and you're willing to move sideways, but you won't ground it."

"So what do I need to do?" I asked.

"Abandonment. You need to allow yourself to act with abandon, and the issue relates to being abandoned. How's that for a paradox?"

I looked at him closely. "I never thought of it that way, Mark, but it's true. I felt abandoned by my father when he died. I was nine years old, and made a decision never to be emotionally abandoned again, either literally or figuratively. So how do I overcome this?"

"Well," he responded. "First of all, the way you breathe tells the story. The fear is of losing control, so you confine your breath to the upper portion of your body. The sexual area is much more complex for you, and you aren't willing to bring life all the way down to the root of your pelvic area. What happens is that you restrict the vibrancy of the chakras by doing this. They need oxygen as a stimulant, and the first three chakras are not getting a lot of nourishment. This makes the other centers over-compensate, and the entire system is stressed as a result.

"When you understand what's happening and see the effect breath can have on the body, you'll be able to work with it to bring about a non-verbal agreement between you and the body memory of abandonment."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Okay. You missed this when you left." He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts. "For you, the memory of abandonment has created something that can be thought of as a firewall. You won't go deeper, because you don't want to feel the pain of that original loss. One of the ways to work with fear is to breathe into it. What I told the group is that there are several different ways to breathe. You have no problem with air going to the upper portions of your body... you draw it in and let oxygen go way up into your brain cavity... but you stop it here at the solar plexus.

"So now what I want you to do is a reverse breathing technique. Exhale when you would normally inhale, and inhale as you extend your stomach forward. Then I want you to feel where the air is going in your body."

I pulled the air in and felt how easily it stayed in my chest and head area, swirling around there, but as I paid attention to the lower portion of my body, it was as though there was a gate that was locked shut, with a sign reading, 'Air not welcome here!' Mark placed his hands on the part of my body that he wanted me to bring breath to, and I concentrated on extending the level further and further down. It wasn't easy at first. He told me not to force the air, and explained more about how the process worked.

"When you want more breadth and width in your life, you expand the chest cavity with air. You feel it going sideways and front and back, beyond your skin, extending out towards the wall of the room, and then visualize it going out into the surroundings and eventually linking up with everything in the world. You do the same thing with height. You visualize your breath going beyond you to an unlimited space in the cosmos. And then you have to anchor it all by feeling the air going down as far as it can reach... see it move into the ground, penetrating the earth's core until it goes to the center. You breathe the earth and the earth breathes you.

"So when you put them all together, you have powerful resonance in the body. It begins to affect the cells, and cellular memory. You can expand, and alter perception non-verbally. You are also able to affect physical health through this process, so the quality of your breath really does impact the quality of your life."

He went on to tell me that doing this for four minutes every morning before getting up, and four minutes in the evening before going to sleep would begin to make a gradual change in my body and psyche.

"You see, you've already done an incredible amount of work on yourself. You've done the psychological work and been willing to dredge up the ghosts. But this is residue stuff. It is very subtle, and it gets in the way. So we're all trying to clear up our own glitches in order that we can come together to do the more advanced techniques that are going to allow us to be highly effective as individuals and as a group."

I wished I'd been there for his presentation. "I'm sorry I missed what you did with the others. I guess this is an opportunity for me to be aware of how my fear level short-circuits me at times."

Mark smiled. "We all have trigger points. They're different for everyone, but life makes sure we each get our fair share of reminders." We both laughed, and he continued. "Another technique I've seen used which is very effective is one where we breathe and then listen to different sounds. It's a variation on what Sarasvati taught us. There are some tones that will bring you to tears, and others that agitate you, excite you, or cause you to feel incredibly connected. The idea is to find a place of focus through breath that doesn't get hooked by any of those sounds, so that you can experience pain and pleasure without becoming them. This is going to be very important in the coming years as we may be bombarded by new frequencies. We have to maintain equilibrium internally when it's not available in the outside world."

"Does this have anything to do with high frequency tests being done by the government?" I asked.

"That's part of it. The earth has got something going on now with the magnetic fields dropping that is allowing more frequency to penetrate us from the rest of the universe... so there are a lot of factors. Some of this stuff was prophesied by many different cultures as all happening around the End Times."

"You think that's real?" I wasn't sure.

"Yup. I do. A few years ago, we were approaching the threshold, but now we're in it for sure... we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. That's why Roland has us doing these exercises that our Indian friend taught us the other day."

The door opened, and Roland appeared. It was good to see him back, but I was glad Mark had led us in the exploration during the day, because the focus was on the knowledge rather than the person presenting the insights. I realized I'd been feeling a sort of hero worship for Roland that was based partially on my deep desire to find someone who represented perfection. Now he could be one voice among many, and I could react more appropriately to whomever that meant he was.

Dinner over, we piled into Nathan's rented Buick Park Avenue. We drove through the mountain range towards Santa Fe, passing a huge caldera, where an extinct volcano had erupted thousands of years before. It was said that parts of the eruption had been found as far away as fields in Kansas.

Nathan had a collection of tapes he'd brought, and the music of Carlos Nakai's Emergence was perfect for our ride through the gorgeous mountain scenery. We passed through Los Alamos, and I was struck by the natural beauty of the town where death had been manufactured in the form of an Atomic bomb. Again, here was evidence of the sacred and profane coinciding. If we looked, we could find examples of paradox everywhere in life.

We turned onto a highway that passed a particularly spectacular mountain range, and I felt myself pulled in by their beauty and poise. They were truly awesome, and I could understand why so much art came out of New Mexico. The natural setting was an artist's incubator, and the steadiness of the earth fostered unhindered creativity.

Moving down from the mountain range, we came to a long stretch of straight highway that would take us into Santa Fe. We passed an Indian Casino on the left, and Roland made a comment that it was the best place to gamble in the area.

Fiona commented that she felt gambling was immoral, and Nathan laughed.

"Do you invest in stocks, Fiona?"

"Well yes... some. Doesn't everyone?"

Nathan looked over his shoulder at her. "The largest gambling casino in the world is the New York Stock Exchange!"

Mark laughed. "That's an interesting take on it."

Lillian spoke up. "Did you know that gambling can be a modern form of Samurai training?"

We all laughed. Her remark came straight out of left field.

"No, I'm serious. There are schools that train people how to gamble. It has very little to do with luck, and everything to do with your state of concentration... your ability to remain detached in the face of winning and losing. There are people who make good livings as gamblers. They come to it as a discipline, and they do not violate their code of ethics while playing.

She was serious! "They know when to place a bet, how much to spend, and when to stop. They have a quota, and they have to be aware of their state of consciousness when they play. It can never become emotional or personal, and if it does, they have to walk away. Gambling from a professional perspective is not about winning the highest stakes. Everything is gauged by a formula."

"Good Lord," said Fiona. "Being with this group means you never stop learning... not even on the way to go dancing!"

"How do you know about this, Lillian?" asked Mark.

She arched one eyebrow and with an enigmatic smile replied, "I've lived with one of them."

Again, we laughed, and the rest of the trip was filled with lighter conversation.

As we came to the outskirts of Santa Fe, I was struck by the architecture. Everything blended into the scenery. The houses were adobe; some simple and others very lavish. Nothing detracted from the natural setting, and these dwellings were placed in such a way that they did not intrude.

The importance of harmony in relation to the natural setting was very apparent as we drove through the outskirts of town. I could see why the real estate and aesthetic value of places with strict building codes remained consistently high. Enlightened planning integrated place, space and human interaction. It required long-range objectives, and willingness to go against the obvious monetary pressures. The result was an elevation of the soul!

Arriving at dusk, we were treated to an awesome sky with strands of purple, gold and red entwined. There was so much richness of color in the skies of New Mexico; it took my breath away. After we'd parked the car, I lingered outside as long as possible so as not to lose the memory of this beauty.

Roland and Lillian pointed out a favorite gallery of theirs, and we stopped to see the sculptures and paintings. As we walked in, I was aware of a distinctive looking man staring at Lillian. He walked over to her, and as she turned, they smiled at one another.

"Russell Stolitz, you son of a gun!" Lillian chuckled a husky greeting.

He grabbed her in his arms and gave her a bear hug. She introduced us to him, and as we met, I had the vague impression I'd seen him somewhere before.

"Russell was an advisor to the President. He's a business wizard, and one terrific advocate for getting America into other economic markets. We've known each other forever!"

Suddenly it dawned on me where I'd seen him before. He was the man in my dreams several weeks ago! I almost gasped aloud, because the name was almost the same as it had been when I dreamt about him. But he had been in an adversarial position then until I'd recognized him for who he truly was. I wondered about the real person, and why I dreamt about him.

Lillian invited him to come dancing with us, and he was more than happy to tag along. They fell into animated conversation, and she told him about our meeting as a group. He seemed quite interested and talked with Roland and Mark at length about the breathing exercises for clearing.

The sky was still gorgeous, the air dry and warm, with twinkling stars beginning to peer through the red and purple mantle. I walked ahead with Nathan and Fiona and we stopped in at a store that had some interesting things in the window. Fiona headed immediately for a counter where they sold unusual objects, and I found a sculpted tin feather in turquoise that had a small bird feather attached.

We paid for our purchases and joined the others. People stopped Lillian periodically to remark about her paintings. She was well known in New Mexico, and seemed very comfortable with the attention she received.

Once at the hotel, we were told that there would be no dancing because the group had to cancel at the last minute. Disappointed, Fiona feigned a tantrum, and the manager asked us all to be his guests for cocktails. I could see that the two of them knew each other and that he was attracted to her.

The hotel had a comfortable lobby, similar to the Empress Hotel in Victoria, BC, with grand overstuffed chairs and couches, area rugs, and dark wood tables, complimented by an extraordinary fireplace, and quality paintings.

We found an area where the seven of us could sit, and Roland asked Russell about himself.

"Well, I went to the Wharton School of Business, served in Vietnam, and came back to work for my dad. My father was a very shrewd investor, and had a real feel for where the country was going. I expanded on his vision, and in my early years was only intent on increasing our bottom line without thinking about the people whom we employed in the process.

"One of our competitors had a major fire in his factory, and my father was delighted that the guy was going out of business. He didn't have much respect for the man, because he was 'soft' on his workers.

"I was to go out and pick up some of this man's contracts since he wasn't going to be able to honor them, and an amazing thing happened in the process. I found customers who had total loyalty to the man who was their supplier. They were offering to help him find space in the interim before the rebuilding of his plant was finished and supplying loans to make sure he got back on his feet.

"On top of it, this competitor of my father's was paying his employees their regular salaries while the buildings were under construction. That's unheard of in the industry. Rather than take the insurance money for himself, he poured everything... including his own money... back into the community to keep it going, because he knew that without his help two small towns would die.

"That experience changed me. When I went out and talked to his employees, they spoke of this man as though he were a hero, and they pitched in to make sure that everything was done to resume work as quickly as possible to supply their contracts so the business would stay afloat. It was a real lesson for me in the spirit of doing business. We never learned that at business school!" He laughed.

"What ever happened to that guy and his business?" Mark asked.

Russell chuckled. "In the midst of everything, he'd been working on a new process that revolutionized materials being used, and increased revenues within six months after the fire. He was able to hire back almost all the workers during that time, and once the plant was rebuilt, they tripled their profits. It caused a few of us to rethink the way we looked at employees."

"So how did you get involved with the government?" Nathan asked.

"Well, I made inroads in expanding foreign markets for our company when we couldn't get the labor we need here. The opportunities have been good for everyone, and our results indicate long-term growth. That's how I came to the attention of the President. We needed to strengthen our existing economic ties worldwide and broaden into new arenas. There's a lot of competition now that there's more equal footing amongst the developed nations."

Fiona asked him about his view of technology in the future, and he felt we were making gigantic leaps that would make what was cutting edge in the present seem archaic very soon.

"What we're doing is developing a technology that will practically be able to advance itself. We've set things in motion that are going to outdistance our ability to stay abreast unless we do some fast shuffling. We have to improve education in this country because we're already unable to find the people we need for the technological jobs we have, so we have to get them elsewhere. It's an interesting phenomenon. The United States has produced the most advanced technology in the world, and is unable to draw upon its own work force for the needs that we've created.

"When I went into the advisory position, I was pretty idealistic, but I became disillusioned fairly soon after I saw how little long-range planning was going on. Our political system has forged a quick-fix mentality in order to get votes and cater to special interest groups. It is pathetic how many lobbyists have the upper hand in Washington. If you really knew who was running the country, you would be appalled!"

"Well," Nathan interjected, "that's the same thing that's happening on Wall Street with stocks. Everybody is doing what's going to work in the moment to get new shareholders, without concern for the long-range effects on a company. Hey, we're hiring people at the CEO and CFO levels at about 500 percent above past salary ratios between top management and the rest of the work force. It really ticks me off! We're compromising integrity by giving stock options that are ludicrous to decision makers who have a vested interest in making the stock soar in order to exercise their options."

Russell nodded. "I can't argue with you on that point. I can tell you, though, that there are lots of good companies like the one I told you about operating on solid ethical business practices. It's the dramatic examples that hit the news. No doubt, though, we are not looking forward in our decisions toward the future."

"So..." Lillian said somewhat sarcastically, "There are times when living in the moment is not the appropriate response!"

"Very true." Russell shook his head, and our drinks arrived. We toasted one another and our country, hoping for better decisions to insure a vital future for the nation that we all loved.

From out of nowhere a burly man appeared, swearing, calling Russell a stooge of the third world, and yelling that he had no chance in hell of going to heaven... that he was a rich SOB with no soul, who was selling the country down the river.

Here was the aggression from my dream, but not in the way it had been portrayed. Roland and Russell rose from their seats simultaneously, and Roland invoked a tone that caused the man to stop his attack. The manager rushed over and apologized profusely as two of his employees ushered the man out of the hotel.

"This kind of thing is going to happen more and more," Russell said. "People don't realize what's going on. We're exporting jobs because we can't hire cheap labor in our own country, and we have to import high priced labor because we don't have the trained manpower to fill the high tech jobs we do have. What's wrong with this picture?"

"Well," said Nathan. "Nobody wants to pass the bonds necessary to increase aid to education, because there's no immediate return. As you said, we tend to be shortsighted about most things that involve long range planning."

Russell nodded. "It's even more fundamental than that. Throwing money at education doesn't necessarily guarantee results. We have to revamp the system to reflect the dramatic changes we've experienced as a society and teach children in ways that will make sense to them. Our present concept is pretty archaic."

Lillian asked Russell if he thought that was part of the reason why people did not want to pass bonds, or if they just didn't want to pay out any more money on something that wouldn't give them a return.

Russell smiled. "Well, that may be a small part of the reason, but you can see the ostrich approach to planning on a lot of fronts. For instance, a very small percentage of Americans have adequate savings plans, which is pretty troubling, since we are not a socialist country. People do not understand that other than their own planning, there really is no effective safety net.

"We complain about social security, but it was never intended as a retirement plan. It was supplementary, and when it was instituted, the idea was that the individual might live five or ten years from the time they started collecting. Now, we're living well into old age, and we are asking that system to do something it was never intended to do. We are a nation of debtors, and our European and Asian allies cringe at our lack of foresight, because they are much more oriented to the long range financial effect of their actions, individually and collectively."

"Exactly!" Nathan nodded in agreement. "This is our problem. You have a general public who doesn't want to save money, who will not make decisions to invest in the long term... you have special interest groups who want to deplete our reserves now in order to make an immediate profit... and the result is a compromised future."

Fiona was concerned about this. "Why do you think Americans feel this way?" she asked.

Russell looked thoughtful. "Well, it's a complex issue, and there are a lot of reasons, but number one, this has been a country that has always had plenty of renewable resources. Waste was never an issue, because there was more and bigger. During a great portion of our history as a country, we were in a dynamic trade position with other nations who did not have the amount of raw energy or goods to trade. It's also a nation of resilient, adolescent energy. So there's never been a feeling that anything couldn't be done... almost an arrogance that you'd see in teenagers. But we've been able to pull it off.

"The problem now is that the rest of the world is catching up, or has caught up, and they have drawn their growth from a long history that we don't share. We are the young ones in terms of vantage point. They are not. This works to our advantage in many cases, because we believe in possibilities. But we don't have a long attention span, and we tend to look for quick solutions. This isn't new. When the Second World War broke out, we were abysmally unprepared. Howard Hughes bailed this country out in a big way then... and we had the enthusiasm, energy, and resources to mobilize very quickly, getting things done that countries more entrenched in conservative thinking would not have been able to do. So again, the issues that face us are complex and double edged many times."

"Russell, what do you think the solution is?" asked Fiona.

Russell warmed to the question. "Well, one of my major concerns right now is our educational demise. We've already lost at least one generation, and given the present political climate, it's going to boil down to companies becoming involved in education. If we want a competent work force from our own country, that will be the only way it's going to happen. The question is whether companies will be willing to educate the whole person, or concentrate solely on the area that affects their economic investment. We have a lot of thorny questions to answer. It's not going to be easy, no matter what we decide to do, because we have let this problem get out of hand."

Roland, who had been quiet throughout the discussion, spoke. "And in educating, to make that education compatible with the future. Our whole methodology is geared to the past, and we are educating a group of individuals whose frame of reference is light years beyond the industrial revolution... which was the model for our present system. We have to make the necessary shifts to insure that our children will be prepared to cope with the new paradigms that are being put in place.

"Everything you brought up throughout this discussion is an example on a daily level of what's happening at an energetic level on our planet. We are struggling between an electric, forward moving action and a magnetic, binding reaction. We are not aware of the cost ecologically when we cut down rain forests, or tamper with technology we're not capable of controlling, because we're not looking at the long-range consequences of our actions. We are only focused on the momentary gain, and the familiarity and workability of our past course of action.

"So we cause major disruption to the system in which we live and feel justified in doing so because we're operating from a belief system that is no longer adequate. There are people who are awake and aware, like the man whose factory burned down. They are progressive realists who understand how the whole system is tied together... that if one part falls, it all falls. These people make a positive difference, but they don't get the press because our media reflects the consciousness of this time period, which is steeped in fear... and their reporting becomes a litany of the latest murder, rape and explosion.

"It is as though only the negative elements qualify as news. But in a world of over seven billion people, how is it that what happens to maybe 10,000 is considered newsworthy? Our news feeds fear, and we create a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Russell nodded. "You're right, Roland. You've really found an area where you can put your effort into helping people wake up. Each of us has to pick our fight, and although I'm not cut out to be a politician, I am willing to gather for discussion with others who have concern and want to see something happen to get us moving in a healthy direction again.

"As you can tell, I have a real interest in education. Fiona... I think you as a filmmaker can do a lot to make a contribution. We need people to bring a collective vision forward that makes sense to the nation. Americans are not stupid. We're a little stubborn, but that goes back to our pioneer heritage, and as the adage from our friends in Missouri says, 'Show me!'"

Lillian had been listening intently and shook her head. "And don't forget in this picture you're painting to remember the arts. All of these logical ingredients are fine, but if the soul isn't inspired, we lose our connection to the driving force behind life."

Everyone nodded, and we sat quietly in reflection for a time.

Lillian looked over at Russell and broke the silence. "Well, my friend, you certainly don't seem to be a raging capitalist selling the country down the river as the intruder suggested, so I don't necessarily think you'll be going to hell anytime soon."

He chuckled. "Well, isn't it easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...?"

I perked up, and told him the Aramaic translation about a rope going through the eye of the needle - not a camel.

He thought for a moment. "Good! I like that. The rope is important because it can lift a heavier load, whereas a strand would snap under the weight. The trick is to know when to be the rope and when to simplify and become the strand. So that's a much more hopeful prognosis, and if I get it right, I might be able to join you good people in the great beyond after all!"

It was getting late, and Lillian and Russell went off by themselves for a few moments as the rest of us chatted amongst ourselves. Mark commented that we needed more people like Russell serving in office.

Roland laughed and shook his head. "Not just politics, my friend. We need more people like him showing up to serve life!"

Everyone nodded in agreement, and it was time to go home.

On our way back to Sulfur Springs, we listened to a tape of the Gypsy Kings, sang songs, and shared ideas. It was a thoroughly wonderful end to what began as a difficult day.

© Kathleen Jacoby, 2000-2006

To purchase a copy of VISION OF THE GRAIL please click on the cover to the right.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathleen Jacoby is a professional numerologist with over 25 years of experience. She is also one of PlanetLightworker's earliest contributors and an incredible spiritual teacher. She has been on radio and television, and has lectured and taught extensively.

In addition to numerology, Kathleen is the editor of a quarterly newsletter of ideas and inquiry called Seasons of the Soul, and author of the critically acclaimed spiritual adventure novel, Vision of the Grail.

Visit Kathleen's website: www.grailvision.com, and her BLOG at www.kathleenjacoby.blogs.com, or write to her at: Visionofthegrail@aol.com.