RETURNING TO THE BAY AREA earlier was an adjustment. I was not the same person who had gone to New Mexico. I felt inner assuredness and strength in my own function and purpose that had not been there before. I bumped into and challenged the parts of me that were eager to remain separate, and looked at my patterns in relationship, including the desire to make someone else into a hero.

I saw how I kept myself in too tight a container, and through the wisdom and sharing of the people I'd met, I opened to bigger possibilities. I had communed with the mountains and trees in a way that would make it impossible for me to relegate humans as the only highly conscious life force on earth, and I was gifted with the grace of something much bigger as a focus. Now it was back to the mundane details of living.

As I'd made a promise to myself on the trip to New Mexico not to take my portable computer, I hadn't checked e-mail in a week, so I logged on to my service and found several messages waiting. One was from an old friend, whom I'd known back in the days when I was director of a foundation. He'd been the research director, and we'd become good friends.

Kenneth was passionate about life, and everything he did was done with flair. He presently worked for a foundation in Boston, and was busy researching world economic cycles. In addition, he was an avid painter, writer, poet, and lover of ideas. He had been very impacted by Zen Buddhism, and had a gift of making life an art. From Scots heritage, he wore a tweed cap jauntily over his thinning red hair, and if I were to define him, he would be the epitome of a Renaissance Man.

His message was succinct. "Great One! I'm coming out June 2nd. Will be at St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco for conference. Love to see you. Have the 12th free all day. Let's play!" Today was the ninth. I immediately put in a call to the hotel and left a message that I would be free. Kenneth was good for me because he always encouraged my creativity, had a lighthearted attitude, and appreciated who I was. After the disappointment of leaving New Mexico, I needed this.

Roland had taken a late flight to San Francisco, and was staying with friends on the Peninsula. There was a possibility that he would have to be hospitalized, so he had no idea what the duration of his time in the Bay Area would look like. On the day of our departure from Sulfur Springs, it was clear that Roland was in pain. We had done a healing circle to give him the sustenance he would need to get through the hospital experience, but for now, there was nothing to do for the rest of us but wait to hear from him.

My phone rang. It was Kenneth. "Aah, Great One! How've you been?"

I loved the way he called me 'Great One,' a joke between us that began during our days at the foundation when I was Executive Director and he was Research Director. I had the ultimate say-so, and therefore, I became the Great One. We laughed so many times relating incidents from those days. The possibility of the intended goals had been brilliant, but the outcome was merely tax evasion. As one of our colleagues had said, some wealthy men had polo ponies, and others had foundations. When I realized I was nothing more than a glorified tax write-off, my days as director were over.

In hindsight, I had not been happy about accepting the position, as it was a departure from my own work, and I had a feeling of moving off course from my intended goals. However, I was persuaded that it was a practical decision, as I needed the income, and the salary offered was generous. The focus was also intriguing. We would study the causes of war and peace within an individual, society, and the world, to determine at what point crisis became a catalyst to breakdown or dynamic growth. We set into motion some wonderful studies that Kenneth initiated, but when it came time for publication, the founder wanted nothing released.

I remembered going to the office, dreading each day. I was making lots of money, but was empty inside. The work that looked so promising became a major frustration, because we couldn't do anything with it. In the evenings, my first act was to fix a drink to numb out. I had become a glorified paper pusher, and it didn't sit well with me.

My creativity came to a complete halt, and I found that the extra money made was spent rather than saved. By the time I extricated myself from the position, I felt totally compromised. It took a couple of years to regain a sense of flow with life, but I'd learned a valuable lesson. Whenever I went against my inner knowing for the sake of money, everything dulled. I was agitated, frustrated, disconnected, and the money never made the difference I thought it would.

Each time I retracted and opted for a simpler life, things harmonized, and I felt inner peace. I didn't know how this worked for other people, but I was clearly aware of the need for integrity to and from myself. I could see the parallel of these choices to my dream recently of the two cups... one vital and the other dull and lifeless.

"Great One! Are you there?" Kenneth was waiting for a response.

We agreed to meet on the morning of the twelfth for breakfast and a day of museum hopping in San Francisco. I liked that idea because the Legion of Honor had recently reopened after years of remodeling, and I'd heard good things about what they'd done.

I drove to the City, and parked at Union Square. Kenneth was waiting in the lobby of the hotel, brimming with enthusiasm. It was good to see him, and as we ordered breakfast in one of the hotel restaurants, we shared what we'd both been doing in the interim since we last spoke.

"God, I haven't seen you in nine years!" He looked as vibrant as ever.

"How can that be?" It didn't seem possible that we'd not connected in person for that length of time. With Kenneth, even if we didn't speak for a year... when we did reconnect, it was as though no time had lapsed. Before electronic mail our communication was confined to Christmas cards and infrequent letter exchanges. Since I'd joined the virtual community, we checked in with one another frequently.

I thought about the fear expressed by so many people towards the Internet, as though it were some major threat to life. In truth, it was an opportunity to connect with people all over the world in an instant. My introduction six months previously had blown me away. For the cost of a local phone call, and my monthly server fee, I was able to connect with people I hadn't been able to keep up with, because making the time to sit down and write letters became increasingly remote as my schedule expanded. However, when I was using the computer, I could just click on to the Internet and write a quick note, or send pertinent information that I wanted to forward to someone.

The electronic medium reintroduced the art of letter writing, as e-mail often replaced phone calls. It was less expensive than calling long distance, and more fun than leaving messages on voice mail. It was also great to click on to your service, finding a notice that you had mail. I loved getting personal letters and found this just as enjoyable.

After filling each in on what the other was doing, we walked to the Museum of Modern Art, several blocks away. I liked going to museums during the week because they were generally less crowded than on weekends, but since the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art was very popular, we had to wait in a long line.

The museum itself was a work of art. The use of wood, steel and concrete blended together into an abstract that was very satisfying. We went to the top floor first, where the latest art was housed. The collection was slim, but there were some interesting pieces. I was especially drawn to a huge object that was big enough to walk into. It was painted a deep blue/purple and you could not tell where the entrance went... depth perception was completely cut off. It appeared infinite, and evoked fear of the unknown or willingness to confront the void... like a dark hole.

I was mesmerized by the piece, and as I walked around to the side, I saw that it was clearly the shape of a bell, or in reverse, a chalice. I was intrigued by yet another coincidental element that added to my understanding of the Grail. This one was not mental; it was experiential. It was one thing to think of moving into the void. It was quite another to be confronted by it in physical form. Kenneth, who had wandered around the floor while I stood pondering the meaning of this piece, came back and pulled me over to another exhibit.

"You'll notice how we're evolving through art," he commented. "Look at this series of black paintings. On the surface, you would say they are just black paintings. They are different in size and shape, but nothing more distinguishes them." Then we walked over to a display of long steel structures. The backdrop was a white sheet, with various fragments of steel scattered on the floor of varying sizes and shapes. Several other art pieces demonstrated the same quality.

"You see... we're coming to the point in our development where we are willing to explore the void. In the metal piece, objective reality is pulled apart. In the black paintings and your bell, nothing relates to the physical world of objectivity. When we go downstairs, you'll see that as paintings evolved from Impressionism to modern art, we have gradually been altering the elements of reality to approach the Infinite.

"In Impressionism, the attempt was to go beyond what was realistic, to the finer qualities constructing that reality, while still maintaining the integrity of the vision. When we came to the Cubist era and Modern Art, you see the elements of the painting distorted to expand our concept of structure. What is visualized is no longer one image. The pieces are split, like atoms. This in some way paralleled the atomic era."

Kenneth was animated. "Visually, consciously, we were willing to distort reality in order to bring about another perception of it. Then as we moved further into modern art, you see the absurdity of our pictures. Art takes on a more playful, bizarre, sometimes cynical quality. We are looking at the absurdity of the reality we have created, and we are moving against it. This period correlated to the drug era and its alienation from the status quo.

"We moved from reactionary art to pop art. This was the art of the '80s that was done to objectify the new reality of materialism. Big bucks, often stark statements... but countervailing, rich use of color... broad strokes, often remarking on something undefinable. This was a time when we were moving from one world to another.

"Now, there is a transcendence to art. We are willing to go beyond all form and look at nothing. We are willing to explore the possibilities of visions that lead us to inner dimensions, and in doing so, there is great promise for revelation. We have moved beyond physical order into the formless form." He paused for a moment.

"It is interesting that just as we're willing to move art into a space that no longer needs to objectify reality, funds to the arts are cut. As we are willing to move into inner space, the perceived threat to material reality is met with the removal of financial backing. In essence, the material world is saying, 'I will not let you go beyond me!' But it can't be stopped.

"There are too many people who are being led through the material realm to its ultimate end; annihilation. There is nowhere else to go. The material world in and of itself is like the dog chasing its tail. There's nothing to catch... and once the tail is caught, what's the dog going to do with it? You can't wag your tail and chew it, too."

We laughed. He was so passionate in his perception that it was easy to understand his vision of reality. As we moved down to the main floor, I could see what Kenneth meant. Here was the evidence of art's evolution. We just happened to start at the top, but as we came to the bottom, the paintings were tighter or more ordered in their arrangement. Modern art truly moves the willing mind into spaces that reflect the play of consciousness and shifting realities.

Our venture to the museum took much longer than we had anticipated, and although Kenneth thought it had a long way to go to be world class, he appreciated the architecture and the attempt. He hoped that San Francisco would invest in modern art, as it had always been viewed as a leader in new thought. I hoped so, too.

I was excited by what I'd seen. The art on the top floor had inspired me, especially the bell/chalice, because the potential for humanity from an artistic perspective was clearly hopeful.

"Are you up for another museum?" he asked.

"I don't know if I'm up for an in-depth tour, but we can certainly go over to the Legion of Honor and see what they've done."

The Legion of Honor is located on one of the most beautiful pieces of real estate in San Francisco. Bordered by a park and golf course, the majestic building overlooks the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge, and you can stand in front of the museum and watch huge steamers going in and out of the bay on their way to or from the Orient.

To me, The Legion of Honor, including its surroundings, is an example of human ingenuity and natural beauty combined. It evokes a sacred trust. Modeled after the Legion of Honor in France, it was placed in one of the most beautiful natural settings on earth. Human and divine conspired to bring about a complete work of art.

The human spirit is uplifted by beauty, and during the splendor of the Renaissance, architecture evoked the Divine. Using sacred geometry in design and construction, Masons were versed in the art of placement and worked throughout the western and Islamic world. Divine proportion guided the construction of buildings as it did the construction of nature.

The art of placement, now popularized through the ancient study of Feng Shui, and the art of geomancy, was integrated into building designs, utilizing sacred geometric ratios. The purpose was to evoke awe and direct the focus of the soul to the great Mystery of life. Buildings based on sacred geometric proportions have the ability to instill perceptual attunement as well as a subtle shift in the physical resonance of the human body.

When I had been in Paris years before, I was very moved by the architecture. In traveling through the old sections of the city, the buildings became symphonies of stone. One could walk down a street and suddenly encounter a shape that was completely different, yet totally in agreement with its neighbors. The result was symmetry. I remember writing in my travel diary:

What remains with me are the Buildings - the evidence in form of man's co-creative abilities. In California, we look at natural beauty; the creation of God. In Paris, man's ability surrounds you, and it is in harmony with the Divine. As much as the French have accomplished in production of goods that appeal to the senses, they have also done through architecture for the harmonizing and elevation of the soul. These buildings are a study in grandeur - they enfold one and impart a sense of utter safety. The closeness is not claustrophobic, it is nourishing, and this is in part due to the use of geometrical shapes and blending of architectural styles. The buildings have become works of art, and are adorned to reflect the best of man's abilities.

The buildings called me to question my own creativity, to determine where I could reach further, to explore more. Looking at this from a present-day perspective, we have few buildings that evoke the Sacred. Since the Renaissance, we have moved in a downward spiral, losing connection to the art of placement, concentrating instead on economic function and cost-effective use of space.

Kenneth interrupted my reverie, asking what I'd been thinking. I told him, and he was eager to share his own perceptions.

"You know what this is all about, don't you?"

I indicated that I didn't necessarily know, and he continued. "We are being awakened to a New Renaissance. There are too many pieces beginning to emerge that can't be explained away. Your search for the Holy Grail is one aspect of many making themselves evident as we move into the Twenty-First Century. Resurgence of interest in the Grail, the Celts, the Labyrinth, Sacred Geometry... all are western reminders of the living reality of the Divine. In the east, there is equal awareness through different forms. One major piece of this is the emergence world wide of crop circles wherever grain is grown."

I was surprised that he included the crop circles. I only knew a little about them and told him I'd read in the newspaper that they were a hoax.

He laughed. "If you only knew how much dis-information we're fed in the news, you wouldn't pay attention to much of what's being reported. From where I sit, I get to see a lot more than I want to know. But that's another story.

"In relation to the crop circles, they are a phenomenon that has been occurring in cereal crops everywhere crops are grown in the world. They are sacred geometrical forms that have been appearing more frequently in the last few years, and have become increasingly complex over time."

"Well, how do they get there?" I asked.

"It may be a phenomenon of the earth. We think of earth as this piece of real estate that we should cover up with buildings and roads, and never give a thought to the fact that it is a living organism. Earth is as much alive as any one of us, and she has incredible intelligence. She is Gaia, and she's speaking to us!"

Kenneth reminded me of Roland. He was on a roll, and I marveled at how I attracted these very impassioned individuals into my life.

He continued. "In genuine crop circles you will find that the stalks of grain are bent, not broken. The crop is still able to grow, and that's one of the ways you can tell the genuine ones from the hoaxes. Also, there is an incredible vortex of energy within the circles. We've measured them, and are able to get some remarkable readings on our monitoring equipment. What we're surmising is that sacred geometry is being utilized because it is a universal code... it crosses all language barriers. Scientists from every country can study them, and the designs are basic building blocks of the universe as well as ancient symbols found in Egypt and other former advanced civilizations.

"So we figure that Gaia is making herself known. She's telling us to wake up and get off our derrières. Some of the investigators believe that we're being given clues to the next step in evolution for humanity, and that these circles are also a signal that we are being recalled to a greater circle, which includes earth and other planets. We're being reminded that we belong to a much bigger sphere and that we have to grow up and act accordingly. There is a certain protocol required before we can be brought into the cosmic family."

I had nothing to say. I hadn't known that Kenneth was interested in crop circles. He told me he developed an interest through one of the projects he headed regarding earth anomalies in relation to economic cycles. Here was another element that signaled we were currently involved in a time period of major change.

We walked into the museum and went downstairs to the new section that had taken approximately five years to complete. I had missed visiting it, as it was always my favorite museum in the City. However, when we got downstairs, I was truly impressed. They had done a magnificent job! I found the new galleries very satisfying, and the addition of a pyramid of natural light lent airiness and spaciousness to the lower floor, which had always been very dark.

After viewing the collection briefly, we went for a late lunch at the Museum Café. The food, the view, and the company were perfect. I was curious about Kenneth's earlier comments regarding news coverage and asked what he'd meant. He shook his head.

"You don't want to spoil a wonderful day with that. Just know that approximately 13 conglomerates own all of our print, radio and television media worldwide. You are seeing a consolidation of power in the most potent force on the globe... information. That's why it is so important not to allow over-regulation of the Internet. That will be one of the last vestiges of freedom of information available to any of us."

I looked at him and repeated what I believed we all had to do. "You know, Kenneth. I'll never forget a statement that I think was attributed to the Dalai Llama... that we all have to find freedom in an unfree world. I truly believe that the illusion of freedom is just that. Everything in the temporal world leads to entrapment.

"We've got to find our way out of it through the inner doorway. That's why I'm on this quest for the Grail. It's an inner point of reference that is going to help release my attachment to fear... to the world of appearances. There will always be something to ensnare me or mislead me outside of myself. And I can also mislead myself and others if I don't clarify what and who I am."

Kenneth was circumspect. "You're right in what you're saying at that level. But we cannot ignore this kind of activity, and we have to maintain the right to freedom in communication, because it is a vital link to truth and what we stand for as a nation."

I nodded. "That's one of the reasons I think I'm learning to link up on inner levels with others through the meditation, sound, and color technique I told you about. We may not always be able to depend on other forms of communication. We stand on the brink of marvelous possibilities, but there is always the force of fear that will try to derail it." Our mood was subdued, and we finished the rest of lunch in silence.

We browsed through the museum gift shop, took one last look at the Rodin sculptures, and walked outside. I felt better as I reflected on the overall enjoyment of the day.

As we stood outside the museum, both deep in thought, soaking up the beauty that surrounded us, I was amazed that here I was in San Francisco, when three days before I'd been in New Mexico. While there, I felt I was in the only place that would ever matter. Standing here, I was immersed in my surroundings, and grateful that this was the city of my birth.

How quickly perception can shift. How fickle we might appear to be. Everything is but a present moment... New Mexico was no better... San Francisco no worse. They were two experiences, as was Paris. To put them into boxes would be to lose the possibility. They were elements that contributed to a fuller perspective of life, of earth, of placement. And in it, the differences were sharp contrasts to refine my own understanding.

If I could use this knowledge in the future as a guideline, I would be well rewarded. I did not have to set things up into adversarial positions with one another... not people, not places, not circumstances. If only all of us could move out of the trap of definition in relation to better or worse. We need to come to "is-ness," as in 'It all just Is.' Our task is to walk between the worlds, overcoming the tendency to polarization of either/or, embracing instead the possibility of "and."

© Kathleen Jacoby, 2000-2006

To purchase a copy of VISION OF THE GRAIL please click on the cover to the right.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathleen Jacoby is a professional numerologist with over 25 years of experience. She is also one of PlanetLightworker's earliest contributors and an incredible spiritual teacher. She has been on radio and television, and has lectured and taught extensively.

In addition to numerology, Kathleen is the editor of a quarterly newsletter of ideas and inquiry called Seasons of the Soul, and author of the critically acclaimed spiritual adventure novel, Vision of the Grail.

Visit Kathleen's website: www.grailvision.com, and her BLOG at www.kathleenjacoby.blogs.com, or write to her at: Visionofthegrail@aol.com.