I RETURNED TO MY NORMAL ROUTINE, and after several days of re-entry, was fully back into the swing of life in the Bay Area. I shared the experience of the mountains with Luke and Helen. Michele and I had talked and seen one another a couple of times, and at one of our meetings in our favorite coffee house, she told me that I was visibly different since I'd been away, and asked if there was any romance between Roland Ivory and me.

"You look like you're in love," she said.

"If I'm in love, it's with the process. I've waited for this my whole life, and now it's coming to me. I've always felt there was something magnificent ahead, and I think I'm beginning to see a glimmer of it." I felt very lofty.

"Well, I think that's wonderful... but there's nothing wrong with a little romance." She smiled devilishly.

I told her that I had no idea how Roland was, because I hadn't heard from him, and assumed I wouldn't see him until our arranged meeting as a group at the end of the month.

"I'll bet he calls before then." She was still at it.

I told her she was an incurable romantic, and she said that she was just a byproduct of her French heritage. We talked of other things, paid our bill, and hugged good-bye.

I had begun work on the summer newsletter and planned to gather more data the next day. In the morning the phone rang, and it was Roland.

"Hi. I'm finished with the tests and am planning to go to Sausalito this morning to be with an old friend I'd like you to meet. Any chance you can join us later in the afternoon... say about 3:00?"

"Well... yes. But first, how did everything go?" I was more than curious.

"Things actually look okay. I'm on a new drug and seem to be tolerating it well, and the other tests they did showed that the damage is still isolated, so I'm relieved. It gives me more time to find other solutions. I'll be meeting with Mark's friend in a couple weeks when I go to Oregon, and I'd also like to talk to the healer you know."

I told him I'd called Bob Sherman, who said he would not be on the road giving workshops for a while, and would make time for Roland whenever he wanted to get in touch.

I agreed to meet Roland at the home of his friend, and driving across the bridge towards Sausalito with the top down, I felt exhilarated. Roland had driven to the city with his friends in the morning, and took the ferry from San Francisco to Sausalito.

Sausalito was a jewel of a town located at the southern tip of Marin County, perched on the hillside of the bay, with a spectacular view of the Golden Gate Bridge and the San Francisco skyline. Driving along the main road of town was like meandering through the French Riviera.

The address I'd been given was one of the floating houses that Sausalito was famous for - a group of houseboats moored on an inlet of the bay. There had been an uproar about them years ago related to zoning and taxes, and there were some people who thought they were an eye sore, but a corresponding outcry from the community was loud enough to save the renegade floaters, and they were allowed to remain.

I passed some old familiar landmarks that reminded me of other times back in the late '60s when we would come to places like Zacks to party on the weekend. We would go to Buena Vista in the City, have dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory, and come to Zacks for dancing. A lot of memories... and I recognized their effect on my body and my mood. How powerful our thoughts are. They really do have the ability to change our state for good or ill.

I turned on the street I'd been told to look for, and drove towards the dock. I parked the car and walked down the plank that led to the walkway by the houseboats. Some looked like floating works of art, others were junky boxes on the water, and some were artfully arranged and very inviting.

I found the houseboat with a large outside deck, where wooden boxes filled with a beautiful array of exotic flowers greeted me. It amazed me that these would do well on the water, but the garden was thriving.

Engrossed in the fragrance, I looked up to see Roland standing on the deck near the front door. My heart leapt, and we exchanged an unspoken hello. He looked worn, and I could see that exhaustion was etched around his eyes, but his spirit was not diminished. He greeted me warmly, and brought me into a home that was the essence of charm and simplicity.

A woman emerged from a side door and moved graciously into the room. I was completely taken by the countenance of our hostess, a woman in her eighties. She was dressed in a long flowing skirt with blouse and shawl of beautiful azure blue that matched her eyes. Her name was Anna.

This gracious presence, Anna, was a woman who had come from Russia with her parents when rebellion turned her country upside down. She studied chemistry and moved on to physics, where her specialty became earth frequencies. She was fascinated with the effect of frequency on living organisms and had been involved in many pioneering studies to demonstrate correlations between sound and illness in humans, plants and animals.

Anna also had a passion for music and was an accomplished violinist. She played in a local symphony orchestra and was a member of a small group that worked with experimental sound. She also had a private practice helping people harmonize their body frequencies.

I sat down on one of her comfortable overstuffed couches and noticed a beautiful tortoise shell cat in the corner, who looked at me with great composure.

The interaction between Anna and Roland was familiar and affectionate. They obviously had tremendous respect for one another, and I felt honored that he included me in his time with her.

Roland turned to me. "Anna has worked on projects related to sound for many years, and she has come up with interesting insights based on the results of her investigation. I thought you'd like to hear about them."

Anna looked at me and asked what I knew about frequency. I smiled, and admitted that I knew very little.

"You could say that the body is a collection of particles," she began. "If the frequency is changed, the particles are rearranged. Because we vibrate at a particular frequency, we are shaped as we are, and the internal working of the body moves in and out of chaos.

"When you alter the frequency rate externally, the frequency within the body has to correspond. It either speeds up or slows down. Your brain is attuned to the frequency of your heartbeat. And your heartbeat is attuned to the frequency of the earth. You see, it is all one living, integrated system. If the frequency of the earth changes, the frequency of your heartbeat will adjust to attune itself."

I was somewhat confused. "So what does this mean?" I asked.

Anna smiled. "Well, that is the big question. As we see that the frequency rate surrounding the earth is rising, and the magnetic fields are dropping, we know that in the greater scheme of things, earth is responding to something that is occurring in the universe. Just as our heartbeat moves with the heartbeat of earth, earth's pulse is responding to stimulus from the larger body to which it belongs. So, the great detective story for cosmologists and astrophysicists is, 'What is going on?'

"Our concern is how what is happening out there is impacting us down here. There appears to be a shift of sorts, and as the frequency changes on earth, we experience a similar adjustment."

I wasn't quite sure what she was getting at. "What can we do about that?" I asked.

"The importance for individuals during this process is to recognize that what they are experiencing is not necessarily generated internally. In other words, they aren't causing the feelings they are experiencing. The whole cosmos is in transition, and we are registering the results of that transition in our bodies and psyches."

I thought about the impact of 21 comet fragments on Jupiter years before that were supposed to be more powerful than any explosions we'd had on earth, and asked if that could also be part of the process.

"Yes. That's a good example in two ways," Anna replied. "First of all, let's pretend that a person is Jupiter. After the impact, was Jupiter reacting to itself or to what happened to it?"

I thought for a moment and then responded. "Well, obviously Jupiter reacted to the impact it experienced."

"Exactly." Anna continued. "That's what is happening to people right now as this shift in frequency occurs. The intensity of what's surrounding all of us is like a storm, and no one is causing it. For those who are prepared and understand what's going on, this time period can be very dynamic, but for those who are not, it can be quite difficult, requiring very careful navigation. Without knowledge, people tend to react rashly, and this poses problems within a society."

Roland looked at me. "So you can see the purpose for doing the exercises we started in New Mexico to maintain a clear perspective and center ourselves."

I nodded, and he asked Anna to explain more.

"What's your take of the second example of Jupiter?"

Anna looked out the window, and continued. "The ripple effect of that explosion is moving throughout this galaxy and beyond, and we don't know yet quite what that means to us on earth... but, it is a vibration, filled with information. We have yet to find out how the sound waves or radiation will impact us."

I was curious. "How do you see sound impacting us?"

"Ah," said Anna. "That is a good question. Sound is the binding factor of all life. We can put particles in a test setting, and by exposing them to tonal fluctuations, we can actually see them rearrange themselves into different patterns through the microscope. They move as the frequency alters, and form geometric shapes, because that is the encoded sequencing of life.

"Certain dissonant tones excite the particles, and they seem to move chaotically. Then as another sound is introduced, they move into a formalized geometric pattern. Chaos occurs as the particles move from one pattern to another, and in a sense, that's what is happening to us now. We are moving between two states of being.

"We have been aware for some time that the frequency range of earth is undergoing change, and with increased solar flares and the explosions on Jupiter, we've been working to determine what effect all of this has on living organisms. We're concerned with the dynamics of frequency on cell life."

I thought about the crop circles and asked if they were possibly connected to the changes.

"Yes. There is a good possibility that the shift in frequency is contributing to those occurrences. It would be like an eruption on the surface of the skin because of internal discontent. But in this case, there is an additional component. The patterns that are being formed are not haphazard; they are quite precise, so it would seem that another level of intelligence is also acting in concert with the appearances.

"We don't know what effect the shift in frequency has on us, our environment, or the stability of our atmosphere. But the magnetic field dropping is causing a lessening of the shield around earth, and that means we are subject to many more forces from the rest of the universe."

I remembered what had been said by the man I knew at the lecture Roland gave, about the government being involved in high-frequency testing, and asked Anna if the reason for those tests had anything to do with the earth shield.

"Partially," she responded. I'm not involved in those projects, but I do know about them. The government is experimenting with the work of Nikola Tesla, who was a brilliant scientist. His knowledge of electrical fields was far ahead of his time. He was regarded as an eccentric while he lived, but now his work is being taken seriously, as many of the things he predicted are coming to pass."

I wanted more clarity about the conspiracy theory. "I heard this project was secretive and about using sound as a weapon."

Anna laughed. "My dear, most research is done with the intention of creating a weapon. Whether it's to cure a disease, and becomes a weapon used against a virus, bacteria... or used against other people... everything we do in research is an action against the status quo.

"I'm much more interested in the restorative possibilities of sound. Don't waste your time on conspiracy... you only become bound by the fear it generates. Look to the countervailing potential, and explore that."

Anna looked at me for a moment, and then spoke again. "Are you aware that fear and love are both frequencies? When we measure the effect of fear, it is very disruptive to the body. It causes a chaotic reaction to particles. When we measure the benefit of love, it has a harmonizing and rejuvenating effect. So, don't get caught in the web of fear that permeates this planet.

"There is more you can do to alter that frequency by maintaining a state of harmony and fluidity. You see, even in the use of terms we are given insight into movement. Hardened by fear. Softened by love. Frozen in terror. Renewed through joy. Each of those statements correlates to what actually happens within the body. And when you concentrate on loving, everything benefits. When you give in to fear, you are speeding up the process of decay within your cells."

Anna was a wealth of information. She made me think, and I was able to correlate what she spoke of to other things I'd learned. "So, in another sense," I interjected, "I can relate what you're saying to what Roland told me when I went to New Mexico about one individual in a plane being able to shift the negativity of another."

Roland explained to Anna what I meant, and she nodded. "Yes! That's exactly the idea. If more people move into a framework of clarity and hold the charge of loving, there will be an even more dramatic demonstration of the effect it has on frequency around us. Remember that these are actual components of encoded information, and they vibrate at different rates. They have a tone and color related to them."

Roland smiled at me. "Do you see why I wanted you to meet this woman? She is truly remarkable!" He looked lovingly at Anna, and moved to embrace her. The feeling in the room was charged with wisdom, respect and honor.

Anna spoke again. "Also, acting out of love does not mean giving up your rational mind or buying the notion that life will be nothing but roses. It means that you yourself choose not to react fearfully, regardless of how things appear to be. Fear plus fear begets more fear. Fear plus love equals neutrality, and love plus love does amazing things in terms of healing. The possibilities are quite astounding!"

Anna smiled conspiratorially. "You know, it doesn't cost anything more to act lovingly, but it does cost dearly when we operate from fear."

She excused herself for a moment, and Roland looked at me.

"So what do you think?"

I shook my head in wonder. "I cannot believe she is in her eighties. She is one of the most vibrant, clear-sighted individuals I've ever met. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to be with her."

Roland smiled. "She is a living example of what she preaches. She has been able to maintain a high frequency through a loving response to life that shows on her body. The woman does not look a day over sixty, if that."

"Oh... I wouldn't even put an age to her," I responded. "She is ageless and timeless... and that's what I want for myself as well. I truly want to master the ability to maintain that frequency of love, as she calls it."

Roland nodded. "You will. That's why you're involved in this process."

Anna returned with a tray of cookies and lemonade. After we finished them, Roland suggested it was time we leave, and she walked with us out to the deck.

The warmth that came from her affected me physically. I could feel myself immersed in the glow of her love.

"Come back again, my dear" she told me. "You are welcome any time."

She turned to Roland, love and tears in her eyes. "Ah, my boy. What can I say to you? My heart is with you."

She waved to us as we walked away, and I looked back once more to hold the vision of her in my mind. Roland was quiet as we made our way back to the parking lot. Finally, he turned to me.

"Thank you for coming. I wanted you to meet one another, and I think you'll get some valuable insights from what she told you."

"It was a privilege, Roland. Not only for what she told me, but also for the possibility that's ahead of me as I'm getting older. We women don't have a lot of role models amongst elders who give us something to look forward to. Getting older in this society means being used up... and for females, where our value has been so tied to our sexuality and attractiveness, it's a devastating blow to face being thrown away just because we aren't twenty or thirty something. Clearly, Anna defies all the stereotypes. She is someone for me to emulate."

Roland seemed surprised. "I wouldn't have thought you felt that way. You don't strike me as a person who would even consider giving up."

I shook my head. "No. I'm not. But now that I'm moving into middle age, I am fully aware that I'm entering an arena where I'll be viewed as a thing rather than a person. I have seen it happen to others, and I've talked to my women friends who are older. It's a crummy feeling. Inside you feel the same as you always did. When I check in with myself, there's no age difference. I feel no age. Just because the physical body changes, the core of me hasn't. If anything, it's getting richer. Yet, because the outer will no longer reflect youth, I'll be devalued. I don't like that, and resent the idea of cosmetic surgery to make me look like something I'm not."

We stopped. Roland took my hand in his. "Listen to me," he said. "We have a light within us that doesn't ever have to age. Anyone who is looking only at the physical, external body isn't anyone you'd want to know anyway. You are right about this culture. We don't appreciate age, and it isn't just relegated to women; men experience it as well. But you know what! Who's responsible for that? If you allow yourself to fall into a stereotype... any stereotype, you are abdicating your responsibility to make a difference in the world.

"If you move with that fear-based attitude towards aging, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to move beyond what the outside world says, and pay attention to what your cellular level, gut instinct knows. Some people do age more rapidly than others. For whatever reason, they lose the life spark, and gradually decline. However, there is nothing that says we cannot be vital, alert, and involved until the day we die. They do it in other cultures. It's expected. And they live lives that uphold the wisdom of elders as a priceless commodity. We have fallen into a shallow mindset that glorifies a particular physical look, with an awful lot of people being swept along like sheep. It absolutely does not have to be that way!

Roland hardly paused for breath. He continued. "So what I'm saying to you is, be one of a vanguard. Encourage people of all ages to develop their interior life so that they are rich and full. Then when the years pass, they have a substantial heritage. My God, if all people develop is their body and their face, and the whole focus is on attracting and keeping somebody based on physical appearance, they damned well better be worried about aging. But when they've done what Anna's done, and what we're doing... there is no reason to be afraid. I think you need to share that with people!"

I hadn't realized how much the whole "age" thing impacted me until this moment, and I could feel the tension in my body dissolving to tears. Tears of fear. Tears of sorrow. For all the things I thought I ought to have done, and didn't. For the fact that I took my youth for granted and didn't make the most of it... whatever "it" was. Losing the freshness of tight skin and gorgeous hair was not an easy pill to swallow. It did require dependence on other aspects of one's nature. I thought I'd dealt with it well, but saw how inadequate it made me feel as a desirable being.

"Furthermore," Roland interjected, "I think you are an incredible woman!" He smiled and pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly as I cried, and then he looked at me mischievously and asked if I'd taken my Geritol for the day. His question completely disarmed me, and we laughed uproariously as we walked to the car, making stereotypical comments about age all the way.

"You know the one I hate most?" I said.

"No. What?"

I puffed up and said in a saccharin voice, "May I help you with your groceries to the car, ma'am? That has bugged me ever since I was twenty-eight, when the grocery clerks first started asking. At that point, I felt like I was no longer attractive. Now it makes me feel like I'm old. I mean do I look like I can't carry a grocery bag?"

He laughed. "It's a courtesy! You see, there is the whole thing of perception again. Somebody else would be offended because they weren't asked. Do you see how our inner pictures dictate reality? You have a viewpoint based on your perceived lack, and somebody else says something to you, unaware of that lack. They are coming from a completely different place, like the grocery clerk. Because it connects with your inner fear, you react out of fear, and the end result is anger or frustration, and something offered from an entirely innocent perspective is blown out of proportion.

"Now multiply that many times over, and you have the misunderstandings all over the globe that lead to war. Your unresolved fear leads you to revolt against grocery clerks, whom you assume are out to "get" older people over the age of twenty-eight, and they in turn determine that you are a crazed group of fanatics and call in the National Guard... and well... you see where we're going with this. It's an absurd example of a very real problem. This happens all the time. Can you see why it is so important to stay clear with yourself... attuned?"

I looked at Roland, amazed. "You know, just talking about this with you has completely diffused it for me. I don't think I'll ever react that way again to a grocery clerk. In fact, I think I'll probably find the situation comical."

"That's another point!" He was on a roll "It's important to have somebody to talk things over with. We all need the benefit of another vantage point. And it's important to inject humor, because these kinds of things get built up inside of us as we take ourselves too seriously, and become self-conscious. Humor can break the charge. It makes us see how ridiculous we are... not in a judgmental sense, just from a perspective of clarity. When we can move out of self-consciousness... out of fear... into laughter... we make room to love again."

With that he took the car keys out of my hand, opened the door to the driver"s side and quipped, "Help you into your car, ma'am?"

We laughed again and drove away.

Roland had dinner reservations for us at a gorgeous little hotel on a hillside in Sausalito, overlooking the bay. We had a superb meal, enjoying the incredible view and one another. I felt more comfortable with him, as I'd shared a part of myself that made me vulnerable. His reaction had been supportive and informative, and he helped me to move beyond an issue that blocked me perceptually. These were the ingredients that contributed to a rich relationship, and I was grateful to be at a stage in my life where I could do this rather than being bound by the old dictates of gamesmanship.

We'd finished dinner, paid the bill, and walked to the verandah of the hotel. The night sky was rising, stars peering through the pale evening light. The skies in New Mexico were awesome by virtue of sheer natural beauty. Here, the twinkling lights of the City skyline blended in the sparkling waters of the bay, reflecting a different kind of splendor.

© Kathleen Jacoby, 2000-2006

To purchase a copy of VISION OF THE GRAIL please click on the cover to the right.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathleen Jacoby is a professional numerologist with over 25 years of experience. She is also one of PlanetLightworker's earliest contributors and an incredible spiritual teacher. She has been on radio and television, and has lectured and taught extensively.

In addition to numerology, Kathleen is the editor of a quarterly newsletter of ideas and inquiry called Seasons of the Soul, and author of the critically acclaimed spiritual adventure novel, Vision of the Grail.

Visit Kathleen's website: www.grailvision.com, and her BLOG at www.kathleenjacoby.blogs.com, or write to her at: Visionofthegrail@aol.com.