SOUND FAMILIAR? Until only a few decades ago, parents and adults alike typically silenced childrens’ questions. Yet, questions are essential, for they reflect interest and curiosity, they teach and empower, and bring about change. Thankfully, more people are now more receptive to childrens’ questions.

As a child, you were more than likely taught what to think, what not to think, to memorize facts and data and follow directions, but not taught how to think. If you are fortunate, you understood math and science well enough to develop basic analytical thinking. If not, you may not have learned how to analyze, sort, sequence, organize and systemize. Either way, you probably were not taught how to apply this thinking to the ongoing requirements of everyday problem-solving. You were probably not encouraged to dream and imagine, and were prompted to color within the lines.

When you don’t think expansively and imaginatively, and when can't effectively analyze and evaluate, basic problem-solving and decision-making become complicated and frustrating at best. More importantly, you are not supported, and in fact are thwarted, from being successful. This is especially true of those who were educated in the public school system before the 1970’s, when more stimulating programs were added.

Tony Robbins says that most people focus on the problem 80% of the time, and on the solution only 20% of the time. A major cause is because practical analytical reasoning was not an integral part of public school curriculum. Even so, as adults we are continually presented with tasks and projects that must be completed, and with unexpected, inconvenient and challenging predicaments that must be resolved. Yet, without basic analytical and evaluation skills, even the simplest of problems can seem insurmountable, stopping us from making significant progress. For a moment, stop, and imagine the far-reaching consequences of this most important oversight.

When faced with a problem you can't resolve, you become confused. Because you can feel stuck, confusion can lead to frustration, fear and negative projection. If it is important, with much reliant upon a successful completion, your frustration can turn to anger, rage and self-defeating behaviors. Likewise, your fear can intensify to the point of paralysis. This is one reason for procrastination. (See Oh No! Not That Again!) You simply don't know how to figure it out, and in your distress, you probably don’t know the cause; or perhaps you do, but feel inadequate, ashamed and perhaps afraid to acknowledge it and ask for help.

Additionally, you were not supported to think self-reflectively in order to make self-honoring choices. Instead, you were told to do... what others wanted or what they thought best. This dissociates you from what you want and feel, and only serves to increase your confusion. The result is that you make choices that seem right, or maybe they don’t but you choose them anyway, and they leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled. Some such choices return unwanted, distressing and costly consequences.

When you don't know how to effectively think for yourself, your sense of security, trust and power are weakened. This profoundly undermines your success. You can make impulsive choices and “get in over your head”. As a result, you can feel inadequate and worry, and feel burdened by the added demands. Upset and stressed, you may communicate unclearly and act inappropriately, thereby creating even more problems and disturbance. People can even lose respect or trust in you. This is why people give up... It becomes a never-ending cycle. A basic understanding of memory will help interrupt this negative cycle, and transmute it to security, trust and power.

“Education is much more than a matter of imparting

the knowledge and skills by which narrow goals are achieved.

It is also about opening the child’s eyes to the needs and rights of others.”

Dalai Lama

Memory 101
You constantly acquire new information through your everyday experience, as you learn, read and play, through verbal information and graphic images. Even when you are unaware of it, you evaluate this information, choose what to retain, and reject the rest.

Your brain creates a neural pathway for each new bit of information. (My computer is doing this as I write.) Each bit adds to your knowledge, frames your perception and determines your behavior. Memory is created through repetition, by relevance and intention, and especially by experiencing something during a highly energized (emotional) state. This changes existing neural pathways and forms new ones, which become your memories.

The more frequently, if even briefly, you recall a memory, the stronger it becomes. Your brain maintains it at a more accessible, readily available level. Repetition affirms its relevance until it finally becomes an ingrained, conditioned response. On the other hand, when a memory is not recalled, it weakens and slips to lower levels of accessibility. This is why you forget. “If you don’t use it, you lose it...”

Memory components are associated with other old or new ones, which increases the range and flexibility of what you can recall. Frequent repetition strengthens corresponding neural pathways and conditions your brain to effectively respond.

Given this very basic information about memory, now you can more effectively create the life you intend. If you want to remember something, take time to make it as intention that is a direct command to your brain.

“Champions keep playing until they get it right.”

Billie Jean King

Why...
When you make a statement, you assert what you know or what you think is true. Hence, statements are basically fixed projections that affirm and maintain your present awareness and state.

Whereas, questions are expressions of curiosity, demonstrating a desire to know or learn. As such questions are commands that activate your brain to produce responses. By accessing your wisdom and intuition, questions offer resolution. When worded with intention, your questions deliver new information and challenge you to discover what is possible; and in the process, they bring change.

Unless your habit is to shut down, your brain cooperates with what you tell it. It is your brain, after all, and complies with your commands, and not with those of anyone else. It does this even as you absentmindedly ruminate on your problems and losses. As you state your lack, your brain accepts this as an affirmation of truth and a command to cultivate the lack. “Garbage in; garbage out.” This applies to intentional or random thinking as well as verbal statements. In contrast, when you ask a question, your brain draws from its cache of relevant information to give forth the best available response.

Illustrating the difference. Close your eyes and say, "I don’t have enough money." How do you feel? Do you feel a decrease in energy?

With your eyes still closed, say, "What should I do to get more money?" Notice how you feel. Can you feel a difference? What is the difference? Are you empowered?

Again with your eyes still closed, say, "What can I do to get more money?" Notice how you feel. Can you feel a difference? What is different? Are you empowered?

With your eyes still closed, this time say, “What will I do to create more money?” Now what is the difference, and why? Are you empowered?

Compare how you feel when you affirm lack and do nothing to resolve it, with when you ask questions intended to resolve it. Furthermore, compare the differences between “should”, “can” and “will”. These are verbs, which are words of action. Which verb truly empowers you?

There are distinct and important differences between the verbs “can” and “will”. Use “can” for evaluating concerns. It gives you more leeway for pondering than “will”, with its subtle demand that if you low energy or feel insecure, may cause resistance and contraction. Contraction shuts down your brain. If this happens, use “will” to empower your intention, and “can” when you are merely considering your options.

“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry,

the philosophy which does not laugh

and the greatness which does not bow before children.”

Kahlil Gibran

Do you whistle while you work?
What do you think when you do repetitive tasks such as showering, washing the dishes, puttering or driving your car? Are you making endless useless or negative statements, or arguing with yourself about things that didn’t happen but that you wish had... that did happen, but that you wish had not... that haven’t yet happened but that you wish would... what you did wrong... how others wronged you, and what you think of them... things you wish you had said or regret that you did not say... and on and on...

Instead of these kinds of self-defeating statements, retrain yourself to ask about what’s important to you, why, and how you can enjoy more of it. Be sure to give your brain time to come up with some good responses. Ask how you can be more accepting and loving. Ask whatever applies to your greatest need. The point is to train your brain to use that time to further intended change, and subtly change your life in the process.

“I thank You God for most this amazing day:

for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;

and for everything which is natural

which is infinite which is yes.”

e.e. cummings

From your wisest perspective
Be sure to articulate your questions so they give you the best response. (Wisdom in; wisdom out.) My choice is, "From my wisest perspective, what do I want to do now?" I’ve played with many such versions, and have found this to most quickly return the best response. By now, I have asked this question so many times that I no longer need to ask it specifically. My brain has been reconditioned to automatically seek the wisest response. Your consistent perseverance will likewise deliver you into the arms of ease and serenity... and on your way to freedom.

Regardless of how you phrase your questions, once you ask them, listen and await a response before taking action or letting your thoughts turn elsewhere. Remember that sometimes you must wait. Brains are like computers... they need a moment to access their files. Since you have been conditioned to wait for your computer, I should think you can easily apply that same patience to your brain.

The bottom line is that your quality of life is directly related to the way you think and the questions you ask. Like an Internet search - the relevance and utility of your response are directly related to the quality, or wording, of your search. Have fun making your brain into your best friend!

“Genius is eternal patience.”

Michelangelo

1) How have your ideas, perceptions or feelings about thinking and asking questions developed or changed through this activity? What will you do as a result?

2) Recall and describe the fears, resistances, or limiting perceptions that you experienced while completing this activity. List them in priority order and explain what you are ready to do about them.

3) Reflect on the activity's important points, and describe how you feel empowered.

© Marianne Weidlein, 2004

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marianne Weidlein is an author and transformational facilitator who combines a 35-year background in human potential development, spirituality and self-employment to help groups and individuals achieve success.With expertise in self-mastery, relationships, peak performance and self-employment, for the past two decades, she has facilitated innumerable programs of varying sizes and formats to thousands of individuals, partnerships and groups, using her unique techniques and curriculum.

Marianne holds a bachelor's degree in Business Administration. Her books are Empowering Vision For Dreamers, Visionaries & Other Entrepreneurs; Warm Liquid Life and theand the soon to be published book The Passage to Freedom from which this article is taken. More information about Marianne’s work can be found at her website http://www.empoweringvision.com.