THIS INSTALLMENT, from The Passage to Freedom, provides a basic understanding of resolving a paradox, a process by which to do so, and of maintaining balance in your life. Enjoy!

To think that a bird as alluring as the bee eater existed solely to feed upon bees,
raised in the boy's mind a whole new range of questions:
How could two things, each so excellent, be in such mortal conflict?
-James Michener, The Source

Seeking Balance
We've seen how paradox establishes confusion, dilemma, conflict and problems. From these, we can learn, build confidence, mature and evolve. Even so, the Law of Polarity conditions us to perceive duality rather than unity. Plus, with eons of negative frequency dominance, the human brain has been conditioned to perceive from the negative polarity. This slants us toward the negative aspects of contexts and experiences, rather than giving us the freedom to include positive or neutral. Thus, when faced with a dilemma or feeling embroiled in conflict, we tend to deem the situation as bad and/or wrong, then fear it, blame, separate from it, and negatively react, rather than apply a wise and effective strategy for resolution.

Humanity's judgmental condition, then, is the result of this ignorance that results from being conditioned by negative polarity dominance. This polarization and limited awareness restricts us from easily perceiving the whole. In daily living, we make inaccurate assumptions and key decisions from this limited brain capacity and intelligence, and endure endless confusion, complications and distress. We live "between a rock and a hard spot".

Our fundamental ignorance is accurately presented in The Source, written by the renowned historical storyteller, James A. Michener:

Through ten thousand centuries, the animal-like people living near this well had worked out a plodding but viable relationship with the forces that surrounded them. Throughout the alternating ages of ice and great heat, they learned to live with these forces. They did not understand them, nor their interrelationship; but knew them intimately as the source of supreme power. The balance of life and death had been painfully ascertained and all were anxious that it not be disturbed.

It seemed that the spirit of the storm was angry with man and wished to destroy him. How else could one explain the blinding flash of lightning that tore a tree in half and set fire to forests? How else describe the unexpected cloudburst that struck the wadi, washing away all things? How otherwise could an immovable boulder, many times larger than a man, suddenly run with the flood and strike that man? Obviously the spirit of storm was angered by something men had done and was personally seeking revenge. ... The tree that gave fruit or withheld it - everything of importance in nature had a will that operated in favor of man or against him.

Such was the brain capacity of early man. Yet, at the bedrock of our "modern" understanding lies that same ignorant fear. "Almost every word that symbolizes a value judgment has a unique history dating back some hundred thousand years, before the age when man first learned to speak," writes Michener. "That balance between life and death that must not be disturbed" influences us still.

With negative dominance and inadequate education, we endure dilemmas and conflicts - small or large - that must be reconciled. Should I do this? Is it best to do that? Should I do nothing? Ineffective resolution can add unfavorable consequences, and trigger negative reactions, circumstances and more challenge. We can become deluged with added problems, each with its own dilemma, conflict and problems.

As we begin to understand the universe and the ever-increasing complexity of each dimension, the door of judgment's prison opens to free us from its affliction. Yet, liberation begins once we step through that door, by training our brains to function from from the positive polarity and hence to perceive inclusively and discern the value of a negative perspective. It is essential to see the good in everything, and the opportunity in all challenge. This must be partnered with training the brain to reconcile dilemma, conflict, and the added challenges they produce. This installment offers a simple formula for doing so.

Your Brain is Your Best Resource
The way to make your brain your best resource is, without judgment, define the challenge, and if possible, determine how it happened. Once you understand this cause, be clear about the outcome you want, then devise the best strategy for achieving it. If needed, do research and/or ask someone for help. Follow your strategy, controlling your focus, noticing your results, and always changing your approach when your strategy isn't working. Persevere until you reach an honorable resolution.

Don't degrade the incredible value of your brain by judging and bemoaning delays and mistakes. Simply focus your resources toward intelligent resolution. Your brain can easily resolve any dilemma when you ask questions that bring forth your wisdom. When challenged, ask:

• What is the opportunity here?
• From my wisest perspective, what is the best choice?
• How will I accept the opportunity and fulfill it the best I can?
• What would happen if...?
• What could interfere?
• What could trigger my resistance?
• What could trigger my aggression?
• How will I overcome these habitual reactions?
• How can I enjoy myself?

How to Resolve a Paradox
Note: Print out the following for your use.

1. First, understand "paradox".
   - A seemingly contradictory statement that may be true.
   - A person, situation or action exhibiting inexplicable or contradictory aspects.
   - An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, although based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises.
   - A statement contrary to received opinion. [Greek paradoxos, conflicting with expectation.]
2. Next, choose the appropriate definition from the above list.
3. Fully describe the situation.
4. State the options in your dilemma and/or conflict.
5. List the possible consequences.
6. Beside each response, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 representing strong agreement, rate the reliability of each option, and explain why.
7. Choose the most supportive option(s). Explain how they resolve your dilemma.
8. Combine your responses in step #6 into a commitment statement that you can support and fully intend to fulfill.
9. Determine what will stop you from following through, and what you will do about it.

Resolving a Paradox - An Example
Here is an example of how to determine and resolve a personal paradox. It is taken from the notes of a client.

Choose the appropriate definition of "paradox".
A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true:
"I don't want to be here."

Fully describe the situation.
I've always resisted "being here". I was the youngest of four, and six years behind my older sibling. My mother died the day before my fifth birthday. My father was an officer in the Army, like his father, grandfather, great and great-great grandfathers before him. He demanded the best from his children, which was never enough, as regularly demonstrated with "the switch". My mother was unstable, withdrawn and often sick in bed. We moved all over the world, with a new nanny at each post. Ever thwarted from my delicate, loving idealism, the pain of being alive was at times excruciating. I retreated into fantasy, reading and drawing, always awaiting for the day I could escape.

Once I was on my own, I got better. My childhood resistance laid low until 9/11, and the emergence of terror and war in the U.S. collective consciousness. My "I don't want to be here" reemerged, and with it my idealistic conflicts with this world. I began not to care anymore. Just like when I was a child, I retreated and found solace in solo activities. My income decreased. To supplement, I periodically took part time jobs. Until recently, this was okay, but now I just want to make a living doing what I love.

I struggle with this changing world. I don't want to suffer. I want the ease that I know to be my birthright.

State the options in your dilemma and/or conflict.
What do I do? Do I:

• Figure out how to leave this world?
• Trust, and try to renew my desire to be here?
• Believe that if I trust, I won't suffer?
• Change my thoughts every time this dilemma comes up?
• Do nothing?
• Commit? Will I suffer through the coming times I think will be difficult?

List the possible consequences.

• Figure out how to leave this world:
  My love of my work, learning, and continued evolution, and my nieces and nephews makes this unappealing.
• Trust, and try to renew my desire to be here:
  In what do I trust? What about people in disastrous or heinous situations? In what did they trust?
• Believe that if I trust, I won't suffer:
  How can I, with certainty, ever know whether I will or won't suffer?
• Change my thoughts every time this dilemma comes up:
  I've been doing this. It helps, but the conflict is like a monster in the cellar that gets hungry and roars until fed.
• Do nothing:
  I can't do nothing. My mind insists on peace.
• Commit:
  I actually think resistance holds me, whereas acceptance frees me.

Rate the reliability of each option, and explain why.

• Leave.
  My love of my work, learning, and continued evolution, and my nieces and nephews makes leaving unappealing.
  10 - This is always true.
• Trust.
  What about people in disastrous and heinous situations? In what did they trust?
  2 - I don't honestly know what to trust, nor do I have new inspiration, so how can I sincerely renew my commitment?
• Believe.
  How can I, with certainty, know if I will or won't suffer?
  1 - Maybe, when I came here, I knew I might suffer in my later years, but agreed to do so because there's great gain in the process. Maybe there is real wisdom in my doing so. Maybe I didn't know. And maybe I won't suffer. I now have no way of knowing. No resolution here, just confusion and more quandary.
• Change my thoughts.
  I've been doing this. It's quite helpful, but doesn't remove the conflict.
  5 - I like this, but it's just not strong enough to make the conflict go away.
• Do nothing.
  I can't do nothing. My mind insists on peace.
  2 - I can forget my conflict sometimes, but like that hungry monster, it always comes back. This doesn't work.
• Commit. Will I be held here to suffer through the coming difficult times?
  I think resistance holds me, whereas acceptance frees me.
  10 - This makes sense, and gives me a strong degree of support, even if it's not true. But it's a worthier focus than figuring out how to leave.

Choose the most supportive option(s). Explain how they resolve your dilemma.

• Leave: 10. (No explanation of support here.)
• Change my thoughts: 5. I like this... it's quite helpful.
• Commit: 10. I think my resistance holds me, whereas my acceptance frees me.

Combine your choices above into a commitment you can fulfill.
These are my joys: my work, my nieces and nephews, and learning, especially anthropology and archeology. I could never tire of these. Assuming that my resistance holds me and that my acceptance frees me makes good sense. It gives me great support, even if untrue. It's a worthy experiment. When I am triggered, I will remember my joys and my worthy experiment, and trust in my choice to be here at this time.

Determine what will stop you from following through,
and what you will do about it.
Fear, resistance and not following through would stop me. I will transform fear and resistance into savoring the joys of my life. I commit to asking for guidance and help to change fear and resistance into thoughts about my joys. And, to finding more ways to keep enthusiastic and inspired. I'll talk with a few dear friends. If they agree, I'll ask them to remind me often that I am loved, needed and supported to change fear and resistance into joy.

In Conclusion
To find safety in an unsafe world, humans devised over 3,000 religions. Which is the right one? Are any of them effective? I propose that the quality of life for the whole is directly related to eradicating ignorance and fear from our perception, beliefs and thinking. This means eradicating from our brains the neural pathways that hold these. This liberates us as a species and frees us to live in the intelligent harmony of the universe.

© Marianne Weidlein, 2001-2006

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marianne Weidlein, author and transformational facilitator, combines her 35-year background in human potential development, spirituality and self-employment to help groups and individuals achieve success. Her expertise is self-mastery, co-creative relationships and self-employment. For the past two decades, using her techniques and curriculum, she has facilitated innumerable programs of varying sizes and formats to thousands of individuals and partnerships.

Marianne holds a BSBA. Her books are Empowering Vision For Dreamers, Visionaries & Other Entrepreneurs, Warm Liquid Life and her forthcoming The Passage to Freedom, based on her transformational facilitation program. www.empoweringvision.com.