IN THE PAST, WHEN PEOPLE INSULTED, THREATENED or discounted us and we didn't allow ourselves any angry reactions, thinking that we must be enlightened beings and sweet all the time, we relegated ourselves to an unnatural, artificial way of being. Better to tell people what we need, feel and want, in a plain spoken, forthright way, even when we think we "should" be sweet and unruffled, than deny perfectly natural feelings from being expressed. In time, as we accept our own anger, we may indeed find that we are able to take the remarks of others in our stride and be unscathed. This more elevated response does arrive in time, but it is unlikely to be a sincere, heartfelt attitude when we pretend to be something we are not.

Self-acceptance does not come about in practice over night. Neither does learning how to be patient with ourselves. But if we have any hope of manifesting our dreams, we must be on good terms with our hearts, so that we can discover what our higher selves want to do. For this, patience and self-acceptance are required.

When we cling stubbornly to ideas of what we "should be," the ultimate effect is that we cast ourselves out of our own house. The fear of what we really are is not only a conscious choice - if we can but become aware of having made it - but also stems from years of suppressing unacceptable elements of ourselves, since personal preferences are only a part of a cluster of preferences which have to be quelled if we force ourselves to embark upon choices that are unnatural to us.

One of the largest enemies we need to deal with (notice I do not say fight, because this is an inward enemy, and we do not need to become an adversary to ourselves) is our own expectations and attitudes. A gift anyone can give themselves is that of expecting an equal exchange of energy. If we are feeling let down in some fashion, then it is up to each of us to find out why. Usually, all other things being equal, the problem lies in our own expectations or in the energy level we are putting into our effort. An old Native American saying goes: We should put All Our Relation’s interests into our efforts, and we should try to create something valuable for All Our Relations through our concentrated energies. In other words, we get what we project.

The anxiety we face at this moment of truth is the same anxiety and grief one might feel when a loved one crosses. These are feelings we have buried deep within us when we avoid our own strength and talent and decide to act against our innate nature.

Our unconscious creative reality is mysterious, but it is not incomprehensible. Whether we turn to dreams and visions, or other sources of reference, it is important to finally "own" our own personal symbolism and thus further strengthen our bond to higher self.

Interesting, is it not, that the way we live, and the life itself, might be a camera that produces pictures that never lie? It could be - if, that is, we choose to view the snapshots produced by our own consciousness as it looks objectively upon our functioning, our unique use of energy, and our daily, ordinary conduct.

• Do you have habits, which you may have rigidly suppressed in an attempt to conform and be accepted by others?
• Do you have personality traits which you, like myself, initially struggled against, thought were wrong and tried to change or hide?
• Have you stopped trying to manifest a dream because you were once told it was a silly idea that would never fly?
• Do you take time to yourself that renews the vigor of your efforts, but which you feel you don't deserve or don't really have time for?

Even parents desiring only the best for their children hope - not too secretly usually - that their offspring will make "successful" life choices. Fulfillment in life and satisfaction as an intrinsic benefit to living seem to come second.

From this thought patterning develop chronic physical "symptoms" that cause dysfunctioning: headaches, lack of concentration, easy confusion, and misunderstanding of the simplest concepts. By watching HOW we live, each of us can discover our favored way of subtly non-cooperating with our own best interests.

It may help to think of yourself as an artist whose life is obviously a form of self-expression. Your first efforts may appear to be experimental, scattered, bland or indistinct. But as you apply and discipline yourself, you hone your skills and come to know yourself; your paintings become a signature of your higher self. In time, each canvas speaks of the artist's worldview, your conscious and subconscious images, and your values. You can be understood through your life, almost as if you had written an autobiography.

For some people this means using their talents to meet life's needs. For others it means learning how to reach out to other people, how to make friends, how to ask for what they want, and how to speak plainly and honestly to another about what they are feeling.

These thoughts and our highly subjective, individual processes determine our level of self acceptance, our sense of having or not having a rightful place in the scheme of things, ultimately our place in evolution itself.

Determination may precede confidence and high self esteem, but so, too, do development of overall resourcefulness and natural gifts. The problem solving skills we gain from the lessons set up along our life path enable us to see the possibilities that were once hidden. This is an option spotting aptitude.

Examine how you might use these lessons for your own enlightenment rather than subjecting self to the results and predictions that cause self-victimization.

First, discover that personal strength is accompanied by feelings of hope and inner confidence. Then tap a vast reservoir of resourcefulness, energy and creative skill, because you have earned the right to believe in these aptitudes.

Daaiina, and so it is.

© 2003 Maria Yraceburu

Illustration: "The Magic and the Wonder" by Nanci Jennings, White Tower Graphics www.gypsydance.com.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MARIA YRACEBURU - In the past Storytellers did not just remember the past and the traditions, they were also entertainers, historians, priests, counselors, psychologists, zoologists, astronomers, and much more. Quero Apache storyteller Maria Yraceburu is held in very high regard, her long awaited book LEGENDS AND PROPHECIES OF THE QUERO APACHE (Bear & Company, 2002) having just been released. She is a highly trained and trusted individual, instructed since birth by her grandfather in the important tasks such as: remembering, and telling the history of evolution. She is one who understands about the meaning and origin of ceremony, and the important role this now plays within humanity’s evolution.

Since beginning her responsibilities as diiyin in 1972, Maria has assisted thousands of people in discovering and using the full potential of their own spiritual connection for personal empowerment and growth. A doctor of Applied Ecopsychology; Maria’s articles have been translated into 25 different languages throughout the world. She lives and works in the mountains east of San Diego through Nohwike Bagowa - House of Our Footprints, a non profit 501 (c) 3 spiritual community of Earth Wisdom. 619-443-3367 - http://www.nohwikebagowa.org - A portion of book proceeds benefit Nohwike Bagowa Community Services Projects.