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THIS EMOTION BREEDS LOTS OF SURPRISES, and is more powerful that I ever imagined. Curiosity is one of those emotions that can be "turned on" at any moment by asking a simple question of inquiry. All one really needs to experience "curiosity" is a willingness to do so.

Curiosity (defined): "A desire to know or learn; a desire to know about people or things; an object that arouses interest."

Curious Questions: What's really going on here? What haven't I noticed yet? What don't I know yet about this person? What can I learn here? How can I make this experience more_____? Am I really right? Is this judgment I have right now really true?

A Note about Questions: Use questions that begin with WHAT or HOW. Avoid using questions that begin with WHY. "Why" questions tend to send people into an endless loop that may not have an answer, and may lead to confusion more than clarity. WHAT and HOW questions offer a direction.

Curiosity opens the mind to something new. Something to learn. A new experience. A different way of looking at something. And, when we "get curious," it's hard to hold onto "judgment." Judgment is an attachment to a thought. Curiosity loosens the hold on it, and judgment often can't exist at all when curiosity is present. At the very least, you can become open to adding to your experience, thought, or judgment. And something added to something often becomes something else. CURIOSITY is a powerful antidote to JUDGMENT.

SOULFUL CHALLENGE: Adopt CURIOSITY for a week. Get curious about EVERYTHING and anything. The people in your life. Your work. Ideas. The bird flying overhead. Yourself. Use the questions above and make up others. Notice how much more is available to you with this new friend called "curiosity."

The Power of Choice
We are always at choice. Sounds simple. For many things, this is an easy and empowering concept to embrace. Someone asks you out to dinner. Do you really want to go? You decide "yes" or "no." You're at choice. Someone asks you to do something you don't want to do. Again, you're at choice..."yes" or "no."

Yet, how many times have you said, or heard someone else repeatedly say, "I don't have a choice?" Deadlines. Big projects. Children. Commitments. Agreements. Board Meetings. Relationships. Look at anyone who is stressed, overwhelmed or filled with anxiety....and I'll show you a person who doesn't feel in control of their life. Our lives are filled with "have to's," "need to's" and "shoulds" which can bring great stress. When the stakes get larger, the idea of "choice" can go right out the window. In the eye of life's biggest challenges, I'd like to suggest that "you are always at choice."

Let's take a commitment you've made at work. Perhaps a huge undertaking that is going to require extra hours, serious focus with a tight deadline. You originally committed enthusiastically to the project, and now it's impeding your life. The stress levels rise, and you find yourself overwhelmed because your health is being compromised, your family is demanding attention and your "inner peace" has become a distant concept. You are saying to yourself, "I don't have a choice." "If I want to complete this project, and not lose my job - I HAVE TO WORK." Perhaps you know someone who has experienced this scenario, maybe even you.

In the face of "I don't have a choice"
...you have choices.

4 CHOICES...

CHOICE #1
Stay in the perspective of "I don't have a choice" while resisting or resenting the original commitment. This is a CHOICE, whether you acknowledge it or not. When you choose "I don't have a choice," you are playing "victim" to your original commitment (or choice) and/or the circumstances that surround you.

I call this "running on auto-pilot" - "I made the commitment, I have to follow through." No, you don't HAVE TO. Do you run on auto-pilot out of a sense of "integrity" or "have to?" In doing so, you're giving your power away to someone or something other than yourself. You'll likely feel stress, or feel overwhelmed, out of control because of intense time pressures. The "choice" to stay in "I don't have a choice" is an energy drain and dis-empowering, and ultimately creates a negative impact on your performance and your health.

Where are you RESISTING a CHOICE?

CHOICE #2
Make a new agreement. I'm big on keeping my word, however I believe it's even MORE important to "be at choice." And, often times creating a new agreement is best for YOU, and for all parties. This is often a simple and easy solution that brings power back to you.

Can the deadline be extended or dropped?
Can an appointment be rescheduled?
What are the consequences of completing this late? Can you live with that?
How else might I achieve my outcome?

CHOICE #3
Explore alternative resources. When we're locked into "I don't have a choice," we're less likely to explore alternative resources or to accept help from others. Set aside your ego and the need to be "significant." Give up the notion of something "having" to be hard. Be WILLING for it to be easier. It doesn't always have to be a struggle. "Be at choice" and open yourself up to the alternatives.

Ask a powerful question. One of my friends is always asking, "How can this be done more easily and efficiently?" Funny thing is, there is usually an easier way if we're open to it, and she is always finding a way.

Are their additional people or resources available to you to make this job easier and lighten the load?
How can I empower those around me to step up and be more, do more than they would normally do?
What haven't I thought of yet?
How can I duplicate myself?
What other options ARE available?

CHOICE #4
Align with your original choice and decide to enjoy it or at the very least accept it.

Find something that makes you feel good about your choice...
- the challenge of it
- working with a team
- using your creativity
- the feeling of accomplishment when the task is complete
- knowing you're a person of your word
- learning and growth opportunities
- or simply CHOOSING to follow through and give your best
I'm not suggesting you pretend, or that this is always easy. I am suggesting that even in the most challenging of situations there is always a way to re-frame things within yourself and re-align with CHOICE if you're open to that possibility. Focus on what excited you about the project in the first place. Focus on what following through with your choice will give you.

SOULFUL CHALLENGE: The next time you feel, "I don't have a choice"...STOP yourself. Do you really want to remain in RESISTANCE to your choice? Do you need to make a new agreement? What alternative resources are available? How can you align, ENJOY or accept your original choice with fresh eyes? Challenge yourself to live from a place of CHOICE. It's empowering.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Allen is in the top 1 percent of America’s professional life coaches and a leading authority on personal development and human potential. Mary consistently produces remarkable results, radically transforming the lives of CEO’s, entrepreneurs and individuals seeking accelerated performance, prosperity and peace. Her elite client base and her stellar reputation have caught the attention of The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Learning Channel and The Animus Group. She has been a featured guest on Healthy Lifestyles and on KFI–AM’s The Rabbi Mentz Show. Mary is the host of "Conversations with the Masters" and her interviews with Dr. Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, Dr. David Hawkins, Bijan and Byron Katie have received rave reviews. Mary is regularly invited to speak and present seminars around the country and is the author of hundreds of articles for a variety of magazines including Healing News and MindBodySpirit.com. Mary has an international following and a massive email data base.

Her highly anticipated book, The Power of Inner Choice: Twelve Weeks to Living a Life YOU Love, (Personhood Press) will be published in May 2005. Mary has a degree in Psychology and is a Master Certified Coach credentialed through the International Coach Federation. She enjoys Bikram yoga and spending time with the love of her life, John. Mary lives in Los Gatos, California.

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Part VIII: Expanding Curiosity & the Power of Choice B Y M A R Y A L L E N