As a teacher, writer, artist and spiritualist, I ponder over how I got where I am now. The impetus of my ponderings has been, until recently, heartache and pain. I have yearned to know the purpose of my life, knowing in my gut that there were reasons for the personal challenges I encountered. This same yearning has touched so many others lives' as well. Could it be that our Angels whisper these curiosities to our souls as we sleep, thus planting a need to know? Could it be that addictions, obsessions, victimhood and depression are pathways to spiritual healing that initially represent abdicated personal power? My experiences with these dis-eases were my initiation into spiritual growth and development. God has been tapping me on the shoulder for a long time.

Am I perhaps one of the lucky ones? Why is there this unrest, this sense of hunger to know and be filled? This dissatisfaction drives us to find the "more" of our existence - not more money or more things. More love; to learn how to create more love in our lives. To know how to receive love, as well as how to give love unconditionally. To be closer to our maker and to know our maker's purpose for our lives. To fulfill our life's purpose.

My upbringing did not prepare me for the disappointments I was to know as a young adult. No childhood can prepare a naïve twenty-four year old mother for the sudden and cruel independence incurred by divorce. I was searching for the emotional tools to handle my torn apart life. Meanwhile, I raised my daughter alone, lacking a sense of connectedness to my family. I had the distinction of being the first one to divorce in my immediate family. I was so full of heartache, resentment and frustration, with no answers and no one to support me or to share my pain.

What I know now is that I was looking for inner strength and for validation that I WAS doing my best. I did not have an emotional barometer to measure. Because I gave all I had, it was enough; and therefor it was my best. Maybe someone did tell me that along the way, but I never heard those words the way I needed to hear them. I needed to hear them over and over again. I desperately needed to feel empowered and to feel capable and confident that I was making the BEST decisions possible for my daughter and myself. This divorce and the events that preceded it felt like a rug had been pulled out from under me. Rather than sitting in victimhood, and feeling sorry for myself, I found a way to get on with my life. Major life changes occur and there's always a lesson to be learned, if one chooses to learn from the situation. In fact, I chose to be thankful for that opportunity.  

Today, over fifteen years later, I still work at making sense of it all, and recognizing all the right choices I did make. At twenty, my daughter is a young woman I marvel at. She is tuned in to her spirituality, and to her need to give and receive love. I am so very proud that I have had the privilege of sharing this life with her. I've always told her that she is and has the BEST from her father and I. I look back over the last five years and see my spiritual development as a conscious process. My first spiritual awakening occurred when I attended a twelve-step meeting. Actually, my spirit had always been ready to be tuned in and turned on to this journey. As I continued with the meetings I got more and more comfortable with my spirituality.

Through therapy I was introduced to guided imagery, a type of meditation where you are talked through a journey. Through these journeys I came to know the "light"--- a representation of self-love, God's love, and personal empowerment. I have to come to know that all answers exist within myself. Meditation is the master tool of self-discovery and reflection. I find meditation to be a retreat and comfort, there for the taking whenever I make the time to experience it; a true gift of Spirit.

I took a class called "Introduction to Alternative Healing" - a wonderful experience that answered so many of the "whys"of my life. It showed me the first steps to creating a positive focus for my life. I knew life. I knew that there were reasons for my experiences. I was developing the tools that have helped me understand, forgive and accept my life's disappointments. Forgiveness is vital to a healthy existence. It made so much sense! I had finally found the well to quench the thirst of my soul! I learned more about meditation and energy; energy healing, energy centers [chakras] - all this information! I honor all this knowledge by recognizing its existence and using it with respect and discernment!!! And a phenomenal synchronicity: my teacher's home and healing center is the childhood home of my father. I was drawn to her the moment I met her. Because she knew something I had to learn. There is a plan, indeed.

Long ago, I knew intuitively that I was going to experience hardships. Somehow, somewhere deep inside I knew that my ultimate purpose had something to do with relating to people through difficulties and disappointments, through my creative expressions of home accent design, or, through conversations of personal enlightenment. I focus on my light; to help others find the switch to turn on theirs.

Mary Ann has pursued spiritual studies in alternative healing modalities, astrology, and twelve step principles for over a decade. Mary Ann calls it "Finding Starshine". She has written a poem called "What's Your Starshine?" Also, a book is in the works, based on the poem. For more information about the book or to get a copy of the poem, e-mail Mary Ann at jimmar1@home.com.

Mary Ann's career history includes ten years as a Home Economics teacher. She has also enjoyed working with adults at the community college level. She has offered classes and given talks on spiritual growth and development and how to market you and your creative work. Currently, Mary Ann is working on a book to help parents introduce their children to spirituality. Also, she hopes to develop and facilitate a seminar to lead human spirits to their path of self-understanding and spirituality. As a home accent designer, she has had several groups of metallic designs featured in the national magazine, "Arts & Crafts". Working with aluminum, she began experimenting with design possibilities; cutting dozens of stars and wiring them onto an upside down tomato cage [to create a star tree] and weaving aluminum strips to create silver baskets. Loads of possibilities to discover and create and, a spiritual idea. Beginning with making stars out of aluminum, and resulting in the coining of the word "starshine". Your starshine refers to the part of you that you have to offer the Universe. It may be a naturally occurring talent, or, it may be the hard-earned north node characteristic you seek to fulfill.

Mary Ann and her husband Jim have three children; Grace 21, Jimmy 10, and Matt 8 1/2. Creating and inspiring others through her creations have always been an integral part of her life.