Secret Five
Speak with Mastery

FOR ABOUT TEN years I had a horse riding centre in south west England where I started (broke-in) many young horses. One horse in particular taught me a great deal about communicating in ways that the listener can understand: a beautiful Spanish Andalusian mare. I had never seen a horse with her stunning markings: she had an abundant long mane and her body was very dark grey with bright, white star-bursts. I bought her because I felt sorry for her; she was shut up alone in a stable on a yard where she appeared to have little or no contact with other horses. I have no idea what kind of handling or treatment she had received before she came to me, but suffice to say she was pretty terrified around people and even afraid around other horses.

Over a period of months I tried every method I knew in order to start this youngster and turn her into a riding horse, but whatever I tried she resisted and was determined to teach me something about how I communicated. As time went on I realized her heightened sensitivity meant I had to 'speak' to her incredibly quietly, which - since horses read body language - meant the directions I gave her with my body had to be almost invisible. What Bananas gradually forced me to do was look closely at everything I communicated: my tone of voice; the speed and expression of my movements; the way my internal feelings were expressed; my energy level. I needed to be specific in every communication, so all of my messages were crystal clear.

She demanded that I speak her language or not be heard at all. When I was finally able to connect with her by communicating her way, she opened herself to me and became so trusting, loving and willing that it would bring a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. What I had done was learned to speak her language: not just the language of horses, but the language of that particular horse, honouring her as a unique individual and in return being honoured by being trusted, respected and heard.

When People Whisperers communicate, they take responsibility for being understood: to do this they speak with mastery, which means delivering their message in ways that can be easily heard and understood by other people.

If you want to communicate to someone and have them understand you, you have to do it in a way they can understand: it is a waste of time doing it any other way. That may sound like a ridiculously obvious statement, but how many times in life have you spoken to someone and not been correctly understood? If you are anything like me, then probably many times.

Speaking the Other’s Language
One of the key skills in speaking with mastery is the ability to communicate with anyone or anything (horse, dog, cat, alien etc) you meet by speaking their language. Among the six billion or so people currently inhabiting the planet there are effectively six billion different languages being spoken, which means speaking a different language with every person you meet.

Speaking the other person’s language helps them
to feel recognized, comfortable and understood:
it is done in a very subtle and loving way.

We all have a totally unique set of experiences in our lives and unique ways of interpreting those experiences. This is why everyone develops their own way of communicating and why - in order to get the best from our relationships - it helps to speak other people’s languages as much as we can.

As we have seen, speaking the other's language basically means being adaptable. It does not mean giving up who you are or flushing your own ideas away. It is not about betraying your own agenda or tricking the other person; it is about honoring their experience of life by speaking their language. Speaking the other's language should be done in a loving way: if we ever use these methods in a manipulative way, the other person's unconscious will sense it, since it is at that deep level that the most profound communication actually takes place.

Your True Voice
The words you use contribute to creating the kind of relationships, communication and experiences you have; but it is not only your words that carry power, it is also the way you use your voice that shapes your life. People Whisperers always speak with their 'true voice,' from a place of respect, integrity, resonance and heart.

Your Voice is totally unique. It is a very public expression of who you are. Your voice also expresses how you are. Whatever it sounds like, your voice is a beautiful instrument with which you can express yourself.

Through your voice, you interact with other people, not only by the words you use, but by the tone, pitch, speed and emotion with which the sound comes out of your mouth. Your voice also communicates different messages depending on where you speak from inside yourself. Your voice lets people know whether you speak from a place of integrity, insecurity, conviction, truth, untruth, love, bewilderment, confusion, confidence, clarity, insincerity, commitment, strength, tenderness, intimacy or one of many other places within.

The way your voice sounds to the outside world is entirely different to the way it sounds in your head. Have you ever wondered what your voice sounds like to the outside world? Have you ever recorded your voice or heard it played back? What was your reaction? Quite likely it was something like 'Oh no, is that my voice? That's not what I sound like is it?' Take the time to listen to the sound of your voice: to notice what its tone, pitch and resonance are like.

Speaking with your True Voice

Opening your mouth: It may feel strange to open your mouth even a fraction more than usual, but it can make a big difference to how much of your voice is 'allowed' out into the world.

The power in your voice: The power in your voice is NOT ABOUT THE VOLUME! It is about where your voice comes from and how much conviction, belief, value and importance you put into what you say.

Breath - supporting your voice: Your voice is like the tip of the iceberg: it is the part that is in evidence to the outside world, but there is much going on under the surface to support your message. It is the way you use your breath to support your voice that gives the voice its ability to speak from a solid base.

• Use your breath to expand your voice, to fill the sails of your words.
• Give yourself time and permission to take in the air you need before you speak.
• Notice where the air needs to go to and come from in your body. Breathe down into your whole body.

Speaking with Your Whole Body

Speaking from the head: When someone speaks from the head, they are often analyzing, intellectualizing, rationalizing and expressing thought processes. Speaking from this place is very useful in certain circumstances, as it can help people to understand the mechanics of what is happening and to see their way around problems in a practical way.

Speaking from the stomach/centre: This area of the body is the power centre. When you speak from here you speak with conviction and centeredness. A voice that comes from this place has a sense of strength, security and belief behind it. Think about a subject you feel absolutely clear and strongly about and put your attention on your stomach while you speak. You may be surprised by the power you can produce in speaking this way.

Speaking from the face and nose: Your face is the part of you through which you show most of your expressions to the world. The bones around your cheeks, nose and eyes are a major source of resonance to your voice. If you hold your face in a tight or pinched way, especially the nose, it restricts the ability of your voice to express your true message.

Speaking from the throat: The throat is a very important channel through which your voice comes up from your body and out into the world. If you speak only from your throat, you will restrict the ability of your voice to come from a deeper place.

To speak with mastery, the throat and neck need to be open and relaxed: the first area to tighten when we are tense is often the throat and neck.

If you were firing a water-pistol at someone, you would aim it in their direction with a trajectory that would make the water go the right distance. The same simple thing works for your voice.

Volume
Sometimes it helps to project your voice, and volume plays a part in that. Sometimes too much volume makes people switch off, their ears take a battering and they quit listening.

To be heard and understood sometimes requires effort: we need to adapt the way we speak so that the listener can hear what we are saying; we need to speak their language and use their words; and we have to experiment with how we use our true voice to be heard. These are all excellent skills to develop along the way.

© Perry Wood, 2006
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Perry Wood is a groundbreaking coach, workshop leader, horseman, musician and author. He is also a devotee of Kryia Yoga and has combined his spiritual outlook with the communication skills he developed from horse whispering to create 'People Whispering'. Now a recognised authority on communication, he regularly appears in the national media, including network TV, and is asked to contribute to leading magazines and newspapers. Perry works with individuals, groups, and couples on life and relationship issues, as well as senior executives in corporations on communication and leadership skills.

Perry is the author of Secrets of the People Whisperer and a number of equestrian titles, including the widely acclaimed Real Riding. He is also a composer of relaxation and healing music, with three releases on the New World Music label. To find out more about Perry, visit his website.