Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It’s Off to Work We Go…

REMEMBER THAT old work ethic in the ‘50’s which sent many of the men of our parent’s generation trudging off to jobs they hated, all in the name of providing for their families? For forty years, my father, who was one of those unfortunate young men, endured the wrath of an endless stream of managers, many of whom were decades younger than himself. Every night, he’d arrive home stewing over the events of that day. Of course, since my mother didn’t work, and my brother and I were little, we were easy targets for his anger and resentment.

Having been a key witness to my father’s endless misery, I attached little meaning to having money, since money obviously hadn’t brought any happiness to my father. In fact, being happy seemed to be a much better reason for doing anything than making money. By age ten, I vowed that I would never do anything just for the money. Instead, I would only do things that brought me joy.

Gary Douglas, an international facilitator of consciousness, agrees with my childhood philosophy. “We find meaning in life through joy,” says Douglas. “In the ‘30’s there was ‘elegance,’ in the ‘60’s, there was ‘free love,’ and in the ‘80’s, there was the drive to make money. We have spent so much time trying to create the material world as valuable. Now we seem to be asking ourselves, “What really matters?” We’re looking for the joy in life. What would it be like if you could live your life in total joy? Most people don’t. They live in pain and suffering.”

“If you want a meaningful life, you have to value doing what’s right for you over doing things out of obligation,” says Douglas. “When you don’t do what is right for you, you divorce you. When you divorce you, you invalidate you. When you invalidate you, you diminish you. When you diminish you, you become less than. When you become less than, you become unconscious. In any area of your life that is not working, you have chosen to become unconscious about something.”

“If you want to know the truth about an area of your life, make a statement about it. If it’s true, that statement will feel light. A lie will feel heavy. If you can’t let go of the statement, there’s a truth with a lie attached. Ask what part is true, then ask what part is a lie. The more you let go of the lies in your life, the more joy you’ll find, and the greater meaning you’ll feel.”

If you want joy, Douglas also believes that you must regain your ability to make new choices. In his classes, Douglas shares an exercise to illustrate the point. “You’ve got ten seconds to live the rest of your life. What do you choose?” After everyone makes their choice, Douglas repeats the question five more times.

Repeatedly, Douglas observes an interesting phenomenon: “Most people cannot choose more than three times in a row. After that, they start making choices which are things they would do out of obligation. Although our choices aren’t limited, if we’re stopping ourselves after three choices, then we’re imposing some kind of limitation on ourselves. We have forgotten that we are infinite beings. Our possibilities should be infinite, not limited.”

The key to breaking through our self-imposed limitation? “Let go of judgment and allow others to have their point of view,” says Douglas. “Allow others to be who they are, and allow yourself to be who you are. You’ll start to find that when you don’t have to push against anything, you’ll actually have more choices available to you.”

In his personal life, Douglas dares to go where few would venture. Trading in his daily, three page to-do lists and ultimately joyless existence for a life lived in ten second increments, Douglas leaves himself free to create a new reality for himself every ten seconds if he so desires.

The result? “I have learned to live totally in the moment. Most people don’t live in the moment. They live in the projections or expectations about what they have to do or should do next week. This world is set up that way. We get a house and a mortgage. However, if you’ve lived in the same house for thirty years, does it become a jail to you? Do you become limited by what you experience out of life?”

By living in ten second increments, Douglas says, “Every day is an adventure. When I get up, I say, ‘What a great day this day is. How did I get so lucky this day, and what grand and glorious adventure am I going to have?’”

Douglas is a firm believer in what he calls ‘living in the question,’ rather than in the answer. “When you ask a question, the universe will provide you with the answer. You just have to allow it to show up.” Although he doesn’t know what will happen when he asks the question, “What grand and glorious adventure am I going to have?,” he says that he knows that his life is going to be an adventure. “I know it’s going to be joyful, and I know I’m going to have a good time.”

When asked if he ever does anything out of obligation anymore, Douglas responds, “I have kids and I have the necessity of providing parenting for them. The difference is that I used to parent from the point of view that I was obligated to, and now I parent by first asking the question, ‘What’s going to be the most empowering thing for me to do?’ then I listen to that answer and do it.

Douglas also believes that in order to have a life of meaning, “you have to show up as you. Unfortunately, many people are trying to show up based on someone else’s picture of what they should be or should do,” he says.

Says Douglas in closing, “The greatest meaning in life is the recognition that what you do adds value to you and holds joy for you. If you add the ability to help someone else on top of that, you’ve got the best of all possible worlds.”

Gary Douglas can be reached at www.accessraz.com.

QUESTION – How do you find meaning in life?

Sarah Liners
Sarah lives with a life-threatening illness in Berkeley, CA
What brings the most meaning to my life is knowing that I’m a good person and that I’m doing the best I can. I also try not to get upset. For example, I spend a lot of time driving back and forth to the hospital, and if somebody cuts me off and I start to get upset, I ask myself, “Why am I spending twenty minutes of my life raving about something that was an accident?” Too many people are wasting their time on things which are not important and they end up missing everything that is. I think that American citizens really have nothing to complain about. There’s a lot going on in the world that is worth complaining about, but certainly not that your latte was cold. What’s really important? To be living in a harmonious way with other people. I used to be pretty volatile before. Now I’m as helpful and as loving as I can be.

Russ Blahetka
Mercedes Technician Instructor, Chicago
I have worked what most people would consider to be stupid, low brow, dirty jobs and have been happy. Despite the long hours and busting of the butt, I liked what I did. Despite my industry, (automotive service), being one of the most mistrusted industries, I knew I was helping people, and being able to help people was meaningful to me. If those people didn't need my help, their cars wouldn't have been sitting in front of me broken. I am now teaching. While I enjoy what I do, I miss being in the shop. However, I know I am helping these students to become good technicians. So, I guess what gives me meaning is being able to guide and help others. That means more to me than anything else.

Rita Rothstein
Associate Vice President, Financial Firm, Cupertino, CA
Making a positive difference in people’s lives has always been really important to me. My personal mission statement is that I want anyone I have a connection with to be better off because they met me than they would have been if they hadn’t. I used to be the director of a non-profit agency working with homeless people and recovering addicts. Then I got divorced and needed time off to regroup. One day, I saw an ad regarding a career in financial planning. I’d always been really good with investments, so I applied. Out of 207 people in the training throughout the country, I was number one practically every day for three years. That was total validation that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. My clients come to me through networking events. I work a million hours and I don’t care, because I’m spending time with people who I’d spend time with anyway. It’s perfect.

Dr. Eileen Driscoll
Chiropractor, Watsonville, CA
To me, it’s all about love and transferring love to others. It’s not about what you can get; it’s about what you can give. Of course, we all have to figure out our careers because we have to function in this world. But on a deeper level, we have to try to connect to others through our spirits, which is love, and ultimately God. I find meaning through reading the words of poets from the past and the present. The poets try to answer that universal question about what really makes life worth living. Whether it’s the poetry of the old transcendentalists, like Longfellow or Shakespeare, or the modern poets, I believe that they speak to the meaning of life best. You can’t analyze poetry. There’s a point when analysis and psychoanalysis just don’t cut it, and you have to get to the mystery.

Randy Peyser
Author, “Crappy to Happy: Small Steps to Big Happiness NOW!,” Aromas, CA
I find meaning through the many relationships I maintain in my life. Whether it’s my family, friends, partner, fellow authors, business associates, friends I play guitar or drums with, or people who read my book, I feel fulfilled the most when I engage in a deep and meaningful way with others. I like to go below the surface and find out what makes people tick. I also love to inspire others and be a role model for taking risks on behalf of creating one’s dreams. This is what consistently fills me with the greatest joy.

© Randy Peyser, 2004

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

Randy Peyser is the author of "Crappy to Happy: Small Steps to Big Happiness NOW!" To find out more about Randy, to order her book, or to see when she will be speaking in your area, visit her website at www.crappytohappy.com or visit her at http://members.aol.com/rpeyser