From Concluding Thoughts
8 - We Create Our Lives

WHILE IT IS TRUE THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE ALSO INDEPENDENT. We have choice, we have free will, and we are supreme manifestors. When I began to awaken I would pray to God to use me as an instrument of Its Will. The deeper I immersed myself, letting go of ego and releasing karma, the more determined I was that my life would henceforth be of service and dedication to the Light. I kept asking – and kept waiting. No signs appeared, no revelations sprang forward in my thoughts, and no dreams instructed me in the “right” way of my path. I was frustrated. I was a willing volunteer to do whatever I was called upon to do: feed the poor, dig latrines in Sri Lanka, milk goats in central Africa, whatever. I waited and waited.

Sure, I knew the essence of my contract, inspiration, but what did it mean? Being a linear, logical, left brain type, meaning carried great importance. How was my essence to be expressed? I did not have a clue. “Come on, God, give me a hint. You know, like a book falling open to something significant, or a coffee stain on a map, or overhearing a chance conversation. Just let me know. I’m a resourceful type; I’ll figure it out given a clue or two. Please!” Nothing.

In May 2000, I underwent a five-day fast in the Anza Borrego desert of southern California. On day five, I experienced vision and revelation. Part of the revelation had to do with our being the creators of our own lives. In my experience that day, I asked God once more what It wanted me to do. I figured that God would be in a great frame of mind to tell me, seeing as how I had gone through such deprivation for the last 100 plus hours. What I received as the answer to that question came as a great surprise.

God said, in effect, “It’s up to you pal. You are the creator, you are the manifestor, Spirit is here to assist and lend a hand, not to dictate. We do sets and lighting. You are the author, director, and the star of the story of your life. Sorry. I know it is not what you wanted, but it is the answer. What else would you like to know?”

As I integrated the entire experience of the fast over the next few days and months, I started feeling lonely. I did not lose my sense of connection. But I did feel a sense of loss, for now I faced finding my own way and making my own decisions about how to express “inspiration.” I knew that whatever I choose is okay, provided I choose with love and acceptance. In the matter of living my life, I was on my own. No divine index finger was going to appear and point me in the direction of my destiny. The upside of this knowledge came in the realization that whatever I do is in my highest and best interest if I act with gratitude and acceptance. There are no divine choices; it is a matter of choosing divinely.

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© 2003 Ron McCray

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ron McCray is on a spiritual journey that started in 1991 and continues to lead him though many experiences including studying shamanism, group work, a formal study of spiritual psychology, channeling, experiencing sacred spots around the world, and other practices. As a result of these varied pursuits, his book A Tao Of God clarifies and condenses what he understands about the nature of God, humanity, and the mysteries of spiritual evolution. He is published widely on the Internet, has a monthly newsletter, Modest Proposals, and is an Associate Editor for Planetlightworker.com and the Children of the New Earth print magazine. He can be reached through his website.