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You live in an energy sphere. You cannot see it, you won't even notice that it is there. It is different from your aura or the energy of your chakras. This sphere has one purpose: to create separation between you and the hurts and slights of the world. It monitors, edits, filters, distorts and otherwise manipulates everything that comes in and goes out. This is done to minimize conflicts with your beliefs. Nothing gets through, in or out, without being made to conform.
The key factor in this interplay are your emotions. Emotions mask what you really feel. You experience rage, or anger in order to hide your real feelings of hurt and vulnerability. Bewilderment allows you to obscure and hide what you really feel. Denial does just what it says. Jealousy and envy project your feelings of unworthiness onto others. Hatred, disgust and contempt allow you to not have to deal with "them." Being unkind builds a wall to the threat that others present. Lust allows you to be titillated without having to take the risk of being rejected. Consider how much of your daily existence - your thoughts, choices and reactions - are driven by what you believe about yourself and the world. These behaviors are so ingrained that the process is virtually automatic. As you sit there, take a breath, close your eyes and simply imagine all your beliefs falling away. For just a moment, feel what life might be like if you were to drop all of them. This is a very freeing moment.
It is not just our fear and anxiety that separate us from life. Our
positive emotions also mask our real feelings. If I really love you,
my feelings will pour out of every pore of my being. My actions toward
you will be a natural expression of what I feel. You will not need to
be told, you will know. Because emotions within the sphere must be managed, structured and rationalized, the environment inside the sphere is quite different from the God Space on the outside. Living inside the sphere means a limited and inherently unsatisfying existence. Beliefs are watered down or contradictory versions of the truth, and they are nowhere as nourishing, substantial or satisfying as the real thing. But, although it is chaotic and unsettled inside the sphere, at least it's your mess. But managing everything creates a good deal of stress and requires a great deal of your personal energy. However, if it is all you have, or perhaps more accurately, all you think you deserve, you settle for less, which is what most people do. The forces of fear - fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of unworthiness, etc. - drive your beliefs. And fear-driven beliefs and the emotions they engender cannot exist in the God Space. Although truth exists in the God Space, it cannot be accessed from inside the sphere because beliefs inherently conflict with the truth. The light annihilates them. Truth is never created nor constructed. You don't have to think about or decide what is true, truth simply exists. If you are accustomed to living in the protection of the sphere, moving into the God Space is an unsettling experience. There is a great deal of energy in the God Space, and unless you are centered, the constant flux and lack of coherence will be threatening. Things in the God Space feel chaotic. Energy moves freely and easily, there are no boundaries, and therefore there can be no protection, no manipulation and no games. It is like standing in the middle of a busy freeway or being in very bright sunlight without sunglasses. To exist there you must learn to allow, not control.
Living in the sphere precludes having deep connections with others. With a couple of exceptions, other people cannot come into your sphere and you cannot enter theirs. Therefore relationships carried out from within the confines of the sphere are filtered and insipid by design. They are like beliefs, they provide little real nourishment. To really connect with another person, you must leave your refuge and stand in the God Space. So, most people go in and out like turtles, responding to their levels of anxiety. They come out and relate a little, then pull back inside when they feel threatened. For many couples and friendships, this arrangement is tolerable, although not deeply satisfying. It does not ask either party to "overexpose" themselves. A few people never come out of their spheres at all. If you have a lot of ego territory to protect, you will have a large sphere. Although this creates a sense of security, you also end up hauling around a lot of extra stuff, and that is exhausting! People with large spheres spend a lot of their time being vigilant and insuring that their boundaries are intact. Other people, with less need for protection, have smaller spheres and live more on the outside. Although the spheres of most adults become calloused over time, the spheres of children are fragile. Young children, just like puppies and kittens, live in the God Space. That is why we are so drawn to them.. But, their spheres can also be easily penetrated and their individual space easily violated by an uncaring or predatory adult. The next time you are around children, pay attention to their emotional fragility. Children pop in an out of pain or fear quickly because they have not calloused their spheres. Children do have a certain natural resilience, but every cut still leaves a scar. If the intrusion is a physical violation, the resulting scar will be difficult to heal.
Some people transition out of their spheres with relative ease. Others take more prodding. A third group resists change until they are in so much pain that their spheres simply explode under the stress. This is known as a healing crisis. From the outside this looks like disease or major life crises. The ancient root of our word "crisis" is the Greek word "krisis" which meant "to make a decision." To have a crisis then, is to be given the opportunity to change.
Think of the sphere as training wheels to help you transition to something
greater. Training wheels are intended to provide support until your
skill level and confidence reaches the point that you no longer need
them. The sphere provides protection until you realize the ultimate
truth that you have nothing to fear. In the ideal, you experience the
disharmonies created by your beliefs and step beyond them into the harmony
of the God Space. Here
ends Ross Bishop's series on Healing. © Ross Bishop, 2008 |
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