WHEN WE PAY ATTENTION to the news both at home and abroad, we come across so many horror stories about human behavior that cause us inner pain to hear and watch. It is unfathomable to those of us on a committed spiritual path how anyone can commit crimes against humanity on any level, as it is totally foreign to our operating system.

Or is it? Surely the gross examples of violence and inhumanity in the world caused by a disconnect from the heart chakra and God/Source/Spirit are not something any of us would consider engaging in - but what about the more subtle (and therefore, more insidious) behaviors and actions? Where are we acting in ways that are not loving and respectful towards others - and ourselves? Do we love the "unlovable" without and within - or do we place conditions on what is acceptable to us (even when it comes to aspects of our own personality), and secretly indulge in hatred for the parts we don't like?

In my humble opinion, the term "unconditional love" unfortunately has often been misunderstood and misused - probably as much as the term "judgmental" - which it often is connected with. Taken to an extreme, neither allows for wise discrimination, and are often used as weapons to smack you down. But the truth is, you can exercise refined judgment without being labeled as not unconditionally loving. In fact, by choosing to do so with detached, educated yet compassionate discernment you can actually show more love.

A Course in Miracles teaches that if we are not acting from love, we are acting from fear. Some have a difficult time with this concept, as they don't understand how fear plays into violent behaviors such as the recent Virginia Tech massacres. I have spent years studying the mind and behavior, and one of the premises I operate from with my degree of understanding is that those who are suffering from obvious mental disorders fall outside the either love or fear dynamic in terms of rational, conscious choice. But then, many who are considered mentally stable and "sane" can (and often do) choose behaviors that are not from love, toward others and themselves, which seems irrational as well from a spiritual perspective.

The question for many is: How can we love the "unlovable" - whether it is in others or within us? I will share with you how I have learned to approach this dilemma.

If you live with the complete understanding we are all interconnected rays emanating from the same God/Source/Spirit, then it is hypocritical to say, "Yeah we are all interconnected - except for that guy, and that guy and that guy." By thinking that, we engage in separation. Even if any of those "other guys" have done horrid things, they are still a part of the same pie of connected, collective humanity. What I have come to understand is that a) in this or another lifetime, you or I may have acted in a similar way, b) as much work as you or I have done in this lifetime, there is a possibility (albeit slim) that you or I may act in a similar way, and c) everything is relative and you or I, may already be acting in similar ways - we just look at it in terms of scale and causative impact. (I emphasize the word "similar" here as opposed to "the same" since I look at all actions in terms of energetic effects.)

Possibility C is the toughest possibility to face in egoic terms. The Truth is that everything is energy. In the all seeing, all-knowing vision of God/Source/Spirit, there are no insignificant thoughts, choices, behaviors and actions in terms of karma, and we don't "get away with" anything from the Force that is everywhere all the time. Following that, any crime against humanity is noted, regardless of scale and degree of impact. So while a large scale action that results in mass suffering appears to be of greater impact karmically, any time you consciously choose to harm another in any way matters just as much in the eyes of God/Source/Spirit. Whenever you act in any way that you wouldn't wish to be treated yourself, you are acting with the same disconnect as any individual or group that consciously chooses to act without love. Yet if you claim to be on a spiritual path, such choices seem as irrational as those of the mentally insane. They don't make sense besides being hypocritical. What's worse, someone like myself who points such contradictions out is labeled "judgmental" and not "unconditionally loving." I mean, how dare I?

I write and say everything I do out of love and service, even though it may not feel that way to a defensive ego. If I didn't care as deeply as I do about collective humanity I wouldn't bother. Trust me, it is much easier (and more profitable) to tell people how wonderful they are and spend my energy discussing lightweight matters, than to ask people to take a fearless, honest look at the "unlovable" aspects of themselves that impede their spiritual progress. But the tough love I employ comes from the undeniable compassion and empathy I have for every human being, bar none, and is why I am able to be honest that Possibilities A, B and C all exist. That is how I have learned to bring love to the unlovable, without and within. That is how I am able to see "that guy, that guy and that guy" as connected to me, and all of us. Bar none.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "There is no object so foul that intense light will not make beautiful." Love equals light, and fear equals darkness. Love equals Truth, and fear equals delusion or maya. Love equals inner joy, and fear equals inner pain. Love equals inclusion and acceptance, and fear equals separation and hatred.

We cannot transcend our own darkness, maya, inner pain, separation and hatred without first bringing love in, no matter how many shadows we have in our inner closet. Beating ourselves up over the existence of those shadows, or denying or pretending they don't exist when they do does not help us advance spiritually. If we don't love ourselves fully, we can never authentically embrace love for collective humanity. But this unconditional love does not mean we ignore our shadows, or attack anyone who brings our "foulness" to light where it can be transformed into something beautiful. And we cannot transform the "foulness" of any human behavior, individual or collective, by hating it, or feeling we are superior and beyond it.

Phillip Moffitt, vipassana (mindfulness and insight) meditation teacher and founder of the Life Balance Institute, wrote a beautiful article for the March/April 2001 issue of Yoga Journal called "Violence Against Self." In it he says, "Gradually I've come to realize that violence against oneself is one of the great denials of our time. People are very willing to talk about the violence that the world does to them, but they're much less willing to own the violence that they do to themselves."

Like myself, Moffitt is a great admirer of Patañjali's Yoga Sutras, which were written around 200 B.C. In this highly recommended book about codes of conduct for those on a dedicated, conscious spiritual journey, Patanjali discusses the yama (moral restraint), of ahimsa, or non-violence. Moffitt goes on to say:

Also like myself, Moffitt suggests the practice of bringing applied mindfulness to every moment of every day. Paying close attention to whether your thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors are from love, or from fear - whether it is inside or outside - is a powerful step in liberation from the repetitive, non-productive behavioral patterns (samskaras) we get caught up in, including those which cause us to act irrationally in a spiritual sense. Yet, it is often easier said than done, and the transcendence of these spiritually self-destructive samskaras is a threat to the ego, especially if we are used to the payoff (positive or negative) we receive from engaging in them. However, choosing to avoid the elimination of whatever impedes your spiritual growth is a choice against light, and against love.

As long as we cling to those "C Possibility" aspects of ourselves, we will be vulnerable to spiritually irrational behaviors, and ahimsa will be out of our grasp. Bringing light in the form of loving compassion and empathy to the "unlovable" without and within is what will aid us in being able to distinguish the behaviors from the human being itself, and cast a discerning eye at the same time as to what is not of love, but of fear. Ahimsa, fully embraced, is reflected in every thought, choice, action and behavior we engage in, in every moment of every day.

Before we can fully love the "unlovable" within or without, we must be able to practice another flavor of love: unselfish forgiveness. It has been widely said that we should practice forgiveness for ourselves more so than for whom we are forgiving. Yet if done for selfish reasons, or to stroke our ego, it lacks purity, humility and authenticity. True forgiveness is freely given without thought of what we may gain from it, and is the only way we will automatically and genuinely gain on a spiritual level. It also means we need not forget, and act with discernment in the future, while at the same time, knowing that holding anyone (including ourselves) rigidly to our past and the mistakes we have made, including violence against self and others in any form, only binds us in the long run.

Forgiving self and others for crimes against humanity regardless of form is one of the ultimate expressions of ahimsa that allows us to get out of our own maya. Mahatma Gandhi, one of the most passionate, spiritually transparent practitioners of ahimsa in modern history said, "I have found that life persists in the middle of destruction. Therefore, there must be a higher law than that of destruction. Every problem would lend itself to solution if we determined to make the law of truth and nonviolence the law of life." Quoting the ancient revered Indian text the Mahabharata, Paramahansa Yogananda said, "One should forgive, under any injury. Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together."

Letting go of violence against self and others in our thoughts and deeds is a challenge when what we observe without is indeed "foul" as Emerson said. Yet spiritual activism is about positive change toward the possible, not fist- and jaw-clenched "anti" anything, because that path will never bring us closer to ahimsa. Allowing ourselves to understand that all expressions of separation and disconnect from the heart chakra - and indeed God/Source/Spirit - will only be perpetuated if we react with violent energy of any sort, and instead choosing love via compassion, empathy and forgiveness as selfless forms of service to the universal collective populace is what will nurture our spiritual awakening and allow us to see that no one - including us - is unworthy of that love. Unconditional love is sometimes fiercely passionate and can appear contradictorily "judgmental" when it calls out all foul darkness into the light, yet it its intention comes from the place of deep compassion. Loving the "unlovable" without and within is ahimsa made real.

Process Journal - Exercise for June
In his book Bliss Divine, Swami Sivananda writes: "The vow of Ahimsa is broken even by showing contempt towards another man, by entertaining unreasonable dislike for or prejudice towards anybody, by frowning at another man, by hating another man, by abusing another man, by speaking ill of others, by backbiting or vilifying, by harbouring thoughts of hatred, by uttering lies, or by ruining another man in any way whatsoever. ... Avoid strictly all forms of harshness, direct or indirect, positive or negative, immediate or delayed. Practice Ahimsa in its purest form and become divine."

Look deeply within and see where you are thinking, choosing, acting and behaving in ways that perpetuate violence toward the "unlovable" aspects of yourself or others, bring them to the light of God/Source/Spirit, forgive within and without, and vow to fearlessly choose ahimsa from this moment forward.

© Suzanne Matthiessen, 2007