EXCELLENT LEADERS LIVE IN A CONNECTED WORLD. Your power and influence to create healthier organizations, families, and relationships come from your ability to see your connectedness with others. When we are centered in Spirit, we know this. We sense our connection to each other. As spiritually intelligent leaders, we notice the deception, the self victimizing, and the warfare practiced by people in organizations, yet we choose to "see" the spiritual nature of each person. Instead of condemning people for their mistakes, we look for their perfection. Yet, the world, as a whole does not practice this. The world teaches disconnection. The world teaches that we should condemn each other for perceived mistakes. In our conflicts and struggles we can easily be drawn into the illusion of "them".

You know who "those people" are. They are the ones who are at fault. They are the ones who should think, be, or do differently, but they don't. They are the troublemakers, the slackers, the enemy, the ones who did wrong. "Them" could be another department in your organization. "Them" could be your sister and her husband. "Them" could be your parents or your kids, or your neighbors. "Them" could be a different ethnic group or it could be those fundamentalists! "Them" is the government, the media, management, employees, or any group of people.

You are wary of them. You don't really trust them. You are not sure of their motives. Whatever they did to you, or whatever they didn't do, well, they might do it again. "Them" are the people you blame for something that hurt, or that didn't get done, or that cost you money, or that frustrated you. Perhaps you tried to talk to them, to set them straight, or to offer them good advice. It didn't work. You were left wondering. "What is the matter with them?"

Now you feel uncomfortable. You avoid communication. When you are near "them", you tense up, poised in case you need to attack or defend or just get out of there. You may have said some unkind things about "them". You may have made some sarcastic remarks. Certainly you complained about "them". But it is all justified. You have given yourself license to speak unkindly or behave unkindly, or act in other ways that violate your values, because "them" doesn't really deserve your kindness or consideration, or your love. "Them" is the object of your blame.

We perceive differences. Race, religion, ethnicity, nationality, class, position, income level, sexual orientation, and gender are not what we are. These are designations, roles that we play. You are not your role. Play your roles without forgetting what you are. You are God expressing as you. Play your roles without forgetting what the people around you are. They are God expressing as them.

The world is full of "thems". The Sunnis and the Shiites, the Israelis and the Palestinians, and the Republicans and the Democrats are a few examples where the illusion of "them" has prevailed. Frustration leads to blaming. Blaming leads to justification. Justification leads to self righteousness. Whether you are a Sunni planning an attack on a Shiite mosque, or a spouse plotting how to prove to your partner that you are right, it is the same problem. It is the problem of separation. It is the problem of immersing ourselves so deeply in the drama and in the role that you have forgotten what you are.

You begin to remember when you see the insanity of your conflicts. You have told yourself a story about how virtuous and right you are, and how evil or wrong they are. It's only a story. The first step is acknowledge what is happening. Acknowledge how you feel without judging it. Acknowledge the futility of self-righteousness and blaming.

The second step is to see the humanity of the other person. On a human level, they are people who have needs and concerns and dreams that are just as important to them as yours are to you. What do they care about? At this level you stop resisting the persons you think you see. Stop resisting their opinions and beliefs. Accept each person as they are.

The third step is to remember that separation is an illusion. On a spiritual level, "they" are you. You are "them". The faults you think you see are your projections. Each person is a mirror of your own perceptions. Inappropriate behavior is not an attack on you, but a call for help. It is a call from the one child of God to its Father/Mother. You answer the call with your love. You answer the call by asking your Higher Self to lead you, to help you see this "other" person truly, and by letting your Higher Self teach you what to say and do.

The following was explained in Part Three of this series.

• The physical universe is an actualization of my thoughts.
• There is no such thing as out there. Everything exists as thoughts in my mind.
• I am 100% responsible for creating my physical universe the way it is.

  (from Ihaleakala Hew Len, Ph.D, (hooponopono.org)

This is incomprehensible from an ego perspective. It is only through choosing to see life as your Higher Self sees it, that you can begin to understand this. When you let go of your opinions and beliefs; when you are willing to give up being right; and when you can see a situation anew as "God" would see it, then you will know what to do. Through the vision of your Higher Self there is no "them". It is through prayer and a deepening of your identification with your Higher Self that you become the presence of leadership. Whatever actions you take from this consciousness will be the right actions.

You don't need to be a highly advanced soul to do this. Simply make it your intention. Make it your intention to become spiritually intelligent; to take your focus off the ego as you and place it on the Higher Self as you. When the ego insists on being right, ignore it. Shift your attention to the wisdom and the love of your Higher Self. When your ego feels threatened or angered by another person know that "I am only angered by myself." Suspend the game of separation for a few moments and allow the Higher Self to be in charge. Your fear will fall away and the path will become clear. In this place there is no them. There is nothing that you can do to me or for me. What you do, you do for all. You and I are One.

© William Frank Diedrich, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach, and the author of three books. The Road Home: The Journey Beyond The Spiritual Quick Fix is an autobiographical conversation with the Inner Voice. 30 Days to Prosperity is a workbook for creating greater well-being by shifting one's identification to the Higher Self. Beyond Blaming helps leaders to move from victim to victor, from blaming to blessing.

Bill's new CD, The Leader's Edge: 3 Keys to Exceptional Leadership has been released. Find Bill's work at intelligentspirit.com. Also, take his free Spiritual Intelligence assessment.