WE ARE ALL CONNECTED to Source. Source, or God, is the underlying principle of all creation. Creation is a process. Process unfolds naturally. With time lapse photography we can see a flower opening. The flower has its own process. No one makes it open, yet you may create an environment that encourages the process. The flower opens to its own beauty. People and groups open to their own greatness. To lead is to trust in the Source and know that the creative process unfolds as it should. A spiritually intelligent leader understands process and how it works.

In previous installments of this series we defined spiritual intelligence as the ability to choose between spirit and ego. The development of spiritual intelligence is a process. It begins with awareness and continues with choice. You become aware of when you are leading form ego, and when you are leading from spirit. Once aware, you choose to live from your spirit. From a spiritual perspective, you trust in the Source, the underlying principle of all creation. From this place of trusting you see that each person and each group is in process.

It begins with understanding your own inner process. You identify where you are and where you want to be. The journey between these two points is your process. Respect for your own process has you withdrawing from self criticism and self blaming and learning to accept yourself as you are right now. If self acceptance is difficult, then accept that it is difficult. It is all part of your process. Acceptance of your own process helps you to become patient. Patience nurtures your process. "Infinite patience creates immediate results." (A Course In Miracles)

When you find yourself in conflict, become an observer of your own thoughts and emotions. Notice your reactions, your anger, your disappointment, and your resentments without judging them. To judge them is to identify with them. To identify with them is to become them. Thoughts flow in and out. Emotions come and go. None of these are you. Observe your process without telling yourself what you should do. Allow thoughts and emotions to flow in and out yet remain the unattached observer. Own your thoughts without identifying with them. Practice giving your thoughts and emotions to your Higher Self. Connect with your Higher Self by asking for the connection. You are choosing to let go of ego driven thinking, not by fighting it, but by taking attention away from it. place you attention on your Higher Self and allow Spirit, the Presence, to think in you.

Once I was caught in a rain storm on a golf course. I made my way toward an outdoor shelter where others had also found respite from the storm. The rains, the thunder, the lightning, were all quite beautiful from my vantage point in the shelter. The camaraderie with others who shared the shelter with me was an added blessing. As you step back from your own storms, and observe your process, you will see the beauty in it. As you support others in their process and allow them to support you, you will see the beauty in them. We are each in process.

Each individual you encounter has his own process. To fix someone else or try to change someone else is a violation of his process. The key is to stop trying and become open to the other person. Ask: "What does this person need? How can I help?" Ask and then be silent. You must become unattached to outcomes. That is, let go of your need for any specific outcome and trust that the spirit within both of you will guide you. Pay attention to what is really happening rather than judging what is happening. An ego driven leader will see behaviors as right or wrong and then pass judgment. As you give up your need to judge or to have certain outcomes, new possibilities will emerge from the silence.

To lead a group effectively, a spiritually intelligent leader chooses spirit by giving up selfishness. Personal ambition is released and the leader focuses on what is highest and best for the group. In the book, Good to Great, Jim Collins studied what made great companies. He found that, of the eleven Fortune 500 companies that were great, they all had the same kind of leadership. Each leader avoided personal fame and had no interest in self promotion or personal ambition. Each leader was focused on the success of the whole company. Their more egotistical counterparts, CEO's of other Fortune 500 companies, could not match their success.

Once you give up selfishness you recognize that you are part of the group - that you and the group are one. Your decisions and your actions are usually on behalf of the whole. There is no need to justify what you do, because it is always for the greater good. There is no need to use force, because you have power. Power comes from your connection to spirit, your integrity, and your ability to be at peace with everyone. There is nothing to fight against, since you are for the well-being of the organization and of everyone in it.

When you lead you are facilitating the process of others. To facilitate process is to guide people in their growth. As a spiritually intelligent leader you are not on a white horse leading the charge. A more provocative image is that of a midwife. "Imagine that you are a midwife; you are assisting at someone else's birth... If you must take the lead, lead so that the mother is helped, yet still free and in charge. When the baby is born, the mother will rightly say: 'We did it ourselves!'" (The Tao of Leadership, by John Heider) Spiritually intelligent leadership is helpful, without taking the credit.

When I work with leaders I could tell them what to do. Usually this is ineffective. It is more productive to help my client see where she is in her process. Does she enjoy her work? Does she own her role? Does she take 100% responsibility for her group? Does she own her relationships? A leader cannot influence from a place of disconnection. A victim has no power. First the leader sees that she has been doing things for the wrong reasons, doing things because she has been told to do them. She begins to own her job and her relationships. She begins to trust her inner voice. Decision making becomes easier. She does what she does because it is the right thing to do. The decision comes from within, not from external pressure.

When I work with a group it is the same. I could tell them what to do, and that would be ineffective. Once a group of school district leaders asked me to help them create a breakthrough goal. It would be a goal that, if accomplished, would take education to a higher level in their district. Had I told them what their goal should be, it would have meant nothing to them. Whatever the goal, it had to be owned by them. I asked them to interview groups of students. The focus was to be on listening to the students. They were enthusiastic about doing this work, and the students were pleased to be heard. The leaders returned with their data and new insights. Once their data and insights were compiled and placed before them, the goal emerged naturally. They created the goal and the process for rolling it out in one morning. They did it themselves. I was the midwife; they gave birth to something meaningful.

The old paradigm of leadership is that of the leader as one who makes it happen. Certainly the leader needs a vision. Rather than making it happen, the leader pays attention and allows it to happen. You pay attention by going into the silence through meditation and/or prayer, and allowing insight and wisdom to emerge. Spiritually intelligent leadership is not about struggle. It is about listening to intuition of both self and others, and having the courage to act upon it. It is about understanding and respecting process. You let go of your tendencies to judge and to push people, and trust that the process is working. There is great strength in this leadership. It is more about being and less about doing. When there are problems to solve and decisions to be made, don't just do something; stand there.

Practice:
In any situation where you are working with another person or a group you can be most effective if you understand and respect the process. It is not your job to make it happen.

1. Notice when you are trying to make it happen. Are trying to get someone to change? Are you trying to get a group to change?
2. Release your need for the other to change. In your mind, give them to the Source (or God, or your Higher Self).
3. Become silent and do not entertain any opinions about what should happen.
4. Become more of a listener making it your business to understand the other. Know that as you come to understand them, things will make sense.
5. Trust that the answers needed will emerge at the right moment.

© William Frank Diedrich, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach, consultant and the author of three books, including Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations. Learn more about Bill's books, online classes, and professional services at intelligentspirit.com or at noblaming.com. Take the free spiritual intelligence assessment at either of these web sites.