I WROTE RECENTLY about my struggle with the need to be right and how this plays into the push-pull of duality. When I wrote that article, I determined that I could be right as long as I wasn't invested in being right. This is still true; however, I discovered that I wasn't finished with this lesson.

Why do we need to feel right? It's definitely a self-esteem issue. In fact, the more certain a person is that they are right, the more they need to learn to love themselves. The need to be right is a desire for external validation from the world. If they can be right, then they are a good person, intelligent, worthy, etc. It's all ego, of course, but we all have an ego.

I learned that I needed to be right from my parents. They always needed to be right, which left little room for me to be right. As a result, I felt very insecure and bad about myself. It seemed to me, however, that if I could be right, too, then I would be worth something. I might even get my parents' approval! This worked about as well as bailing water with a sieve - my self-esteem kept escaping through the holes. Of course, my poor parents learned this behavior from their parents, and so on for generations, so I'm not blaming them. But with the birth of my own daughter, it was time to heal this and stop passing it on.

So I had to ask myself: in a world where people need to be right, is anyone right? I really wanted to believe so. My ego really wanted to believe so. But I have finally learned that no one is.

Truth, right, and wrong are all subjective. From my point of view, war is wrong, end of story. But for another person, war is a rational response to violent provocation. For others, war is a reasonable way to ensure economic security. Are all of these points of view wrong?

Yes. And no.

The answer depends on your point of view in this great dream that we are having in which we are all separate. In our dream, we disagree. We go about things differently. We see the world differently. But we're still all One being, all God. And part of God can't be wrong. Likewise, a single soul's perspective does not reflect the entire truth of God, so no one person is right.

This has implications, of course. No religion is right or wrong. No political belief is right or wrong. No opinions are right or wrong. And there is no such thing as duality, because so-called opposites (such as good and evil) don't really exist. There is only the Oneness of God.

Once I overcame my ego's desires and understood this, my next dilemma was, "How do I live this?" Intellectual understanding is all well and good, and that is always the first step. But to really know something and live it requires emotional understanding. It means integrating what I've learned into my emotional body so that it can become part of my behavioral patterns.

The truth is I'm still working on that. But I can already see some progress, using a few simple techniques.

Whenever someone disagrees with me, or professes a very different point of view from my own, I try to place myself in their energy and see with their eyes. From their perspective, I can see how, yes, they believe that what they are saying is right. And then I can let it go.

I also remind myself that no one - no political figure or anyone else - wakes up in the morning and says, "I want to be the baddest, most evil person I can be." No one does that. They may be deluding themselves, they may be unhealed, they may even be mentally ill, but everyone acts out of their belief that what they are doing is right.

This technique may sound obvious and deceptively simple, but it works. I have used it with the people who challenge me the most: my parents. We've always had very different perspectives on the world, but now I can see how my father views the world, and why that worldview holds meaning for him. He doesn't have his beliefs to be difficult or contrary or the odd man out in a family of liberals. He has them because they provide comfort and security and fit his view of what is noble and honorable. Who am I to tell him differently?

By adopting the point of view that everyone can be right, I have healed my relationship with my father, at least on my end. I can talk to him without judging him. He says the same sorts of things he always did, but now my buttons aren't being pushed. Of course, this requires constant practice. I must continually view the world through his eyes to remind myself of whom he is and where he's coming from. But it works.

My next big challenge will be to raise my beautiful 6-month-old crystal child with the knowledge that no one is right. This will involve helping her to be discriminating without being judgmental. A fine line, that.

Archangel Metatron suggests that we teach our daughter to see how subjective right and wrong are. For example, burping at the table is considered rude in America, but is a compliment to the chef in Japan. It depends on your point of view. Everyone functions from a sense of right, even criminals. The trick with children is to make them see that it's not about right and wrong, but about choices that are safe and healthy versus choices that are unsafe and unhealthy.

None of this means that our daughter, or we as a family, can't have our own code of ethics. We can, and we can encourage our daughter to develop her own sense of them. What it does mean is that we shouldn't judge others because their values are different from our own. We must respect their right to make their own choices. For example, in our house, we choose to be kind to animals and people, to eat all of our meals together as a family, and to live joyfully. Others may choose similar - or very different - values.

So why bother with any of this? It's comforting when others are wrong (thus making you right), and it's certainly the easiest road. There are, of course, many reasons why you might bother. For one, right and wrong is a method of dividing God, of separating two or more people, or groups. You can't be One with God if your ego is busy dividing what God is.

Another reason is to have peace. If you're not constantly warring with others about what is right and wrong, you can let go of anger. When you let go of anger, you can find peace. Imagine what could happen if the Israelis and Palestinians stopped believing that they were right, while the other was wrong. Imagine what the U.S. as a nation could do without party divisions and finger-pointing. Imagine what you could accomplish as an individual if you weren't expending your energy in right and wrong.

There is a nice saying, "It takes two to make a knot." So stop pulling. Drop your end. The other party will end up with a slackened bit of string and be unable to make any knot at all.

© Asha Hawkesworth, 2006

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Asha Hawkesworth lives in Portland, Oregon, USA with her wonderful family and four cats. She is the author of Grandma's Roses, an upcoming children's book, and articles on spiritual topics.

Website: www.asha-ahnna.com