IN 1998, WHEN I FIRST DISCOVERED MY PSYCHIC ABILITY - that is, when I first discovered the potency of it, I was soaring with the magic of it all. It was so amazing that I could "read" people - know things about them. I can't say, even at this point, that I can fully "wrap my brain around it." Unbelievable events started occurring in my life shortly thereafter. Long-standing life issues seemed to resolve themselves overnight; for quite a while, it seemed as though miracles were raining (pouring) down upon me. I began hearing my Guides about six months after that first poignant experience. The metaphysical teacher/psychic who introduced me to this gift had told me that I would begin to hear my Guides. She predicted many things that did occur in my life. Another was that I would begin to learn and grow spiritually very quickly. I never saw her again after that day; but since then, I have felt like I've been on a roller coaster ride of spiritual highs and lows, and I now can't even remember who I was before that significant day in my life.

Since I was able to do this "psychic thing," it confirmed for me the legitimacy of psychics in general, something I had definitely questioned prior to this. But, even after doing many very accurate readings for others, I still didn't really trust my ability, so I frequented other psychics quite often for answers to my own life issues. My Guides actually directed me to one specific psychic (by name) that I received readings from for about a year. She provided me with very accurate information and became somewhat of a security blanket for me. One day I phoned her place of business and found out that she had passed away. I frantically asked my Guides about this. They then informed me that Sharon had been like my "training wheels," and that it was now time to trust my own intuition. I can't say that I was happy about that.

Not long after this, I was divinely nudged toward the Tarot. I had a very strong aversion to the Tarot, which I'm sure originated from my traditional religious upbringing. I had long shunned psychics who used the Tarot, finding the whole concept ludicrous. With just the mention of the Tarot, my lips would curl forcing major nose crinkles as if I'd just encountered some bad milk. But, I began mellowing after seeing and being drawn to a deck in a very nice metaphysical catalog. This deck's beauty and, I suppose, some indescribable essence it threw in my direction compelled me. It was The Goddess Tarot created by Kris Waldherr. I recalled a reading that I had received not long before, where the girl raised her arms over her head during the reading and said, "You are to do Goddess work." I thought that declaration was entertaining at best. Even though the deck seemed to be "calling" me, I adhered to my distaste for the Tarot and didn't purchase it. But, it insisted on lingering in the back of my mind.

A few months later, I read about a little metaphysical shop in a local alternative newsletter. It was just a small ad. For no specific reason, I decided I should go there. I repeatedly wrote the name of this shop on my "To-Do List" for weeks, but I never made the effort to go. One day, I felt I needed to get some outside psychic advice and so I went to a male psychic that I had discovered in this same newsletter. At the onset of the reading, the first thing out of his mouth was, "You need to go to 'The Herbal Glen.'" This was the name of the metaphysical shop that had been growing cobwebs on my To-Do List. I almost fell out of my chair and came back with my very southern, "Oh-my-gawd." Throughout the reading, he continued to place emphasis on my visiting this shop.

I immediately followed his advice. An unassuming little place, it was actually an old house turned into a shop. Tiny rooms with beaded doorways. Incense and other bewitching scents delicately touching the air. Glass cases brimming with beautiful stones. Herbs, books, drums - a good variety of magical tools. An antique-looking glass cabinet displaying crystal wands and other sparkly things. I entered a room about the size of a walk-in closet that had a bookcase filled with enticing titles. I gave a passing glance to the meager Tarot selection on the top shelf - only two decks. One of them just happened to be The Goddess Tarot. I briefly noted the synchronicity, but quickly moved on to sniff the wonderful-smelling candles and to gawk at the spicy metaphysical greeting cards with dragons, fairies and other wild and mystical creatures.

I had been in the shop only about five minutes when I noticed a sign indicating "Aura Readings." Without even thinking about it, I enlisted for this first-time experience and within minutes was upstairs and a somewhat grandmotherly lady was "reading my aura." The first thing she said was, "You have an owl on your left shoulder, and a crow on your right shoulder." That impressed me from the start. I then told her I had known that the crow was one of my main totems (spiritual animal guides) and that indeed I had also encountered owls in the physical under strange circumstances in the past... I had also seen them in dreams. This confirmed for me that these were in fact my two main animal totems.

She then looked behind me and said, "Oh-my." I responded with, "What, what?" She paused and then finally said in a muffled tone, "Sooo many animals." She also saw Indians, two braves and a chief. The three hours with her just evaporated, and the next thing I knew I was descending the staircase in gossamer fashion, almost giddy with my new knowledge and joy from the experience.

As if I knew where I was going and why I was going there, I proceeded into the little room with the bookcase, walked right up to it, tilted my head back and looked up at the two Tarot decks displayed there on the top shelf. As I zoomed in on The Goddess Tarot box, my eyes froze on an intriguing element in the picture. An owl perched on the left shoulder of the Goddess Athena. I had no knowledge of Goddess lore. Since I had only just concluded via the aura reading that the owl was one of my main totems, the owl was not something I would have noted prior to that realization. And for the woman to have seen the owl on my left shoulder...well, for me, that was the climactic moment - the big, final push toward "my cards." Before I knew it, I was driving home with my first Tarot deck, he Goddess Tarot, with my fear of the Tarot still meandering around in my mind.

When I got home, I placed the deck on a table beside my bed. It stayed there untouched for about six months. And then one day, I just spontaneously picked it up, drew some cards and my eyes began to open. It was slow going because I still held onto my fear of it. But, I became so astonished by the Tarot that the fear just went out the window one day. The Tarot began teaching me so many things about myself. It awakened me to the magic of our existence even more than my originally discovering my psychic ability. The Tarot has truly fueled my "awakening" in a profound way. I soon fell in love with it.

I was permanently infused with this love one day a few months after I'd finally overcome my fear of the Tarot. I had just impulsively quit a job, a miserable job. It was a cold, snowy evening - just two days before Christmas. When I arrived home afterward, I was still shaken by what had just occurred. "What have I done?" I thought. I sat down in my living room without removing my coat, my heart still pounding. I mindlessly looked over at my precious Tarot cards. I picked them up and asked, "What do you think about what I just did?" I pulled one card. The Sun card... also known as the "Yes!" card, the "You go, Girl!" card. Instant peace.

I had already established the Sun card as the "God/dess" card for me. The instant I saw the Sun card, the Tarot became part of my heart. Plain and simply, the Tarot is now and will always be part of my heart, as of that day. I still remember the warmth that immediately permeated me when I saw this especially beautiful Goddess Tarot card. In this deck, the Sun card is my absolute favorite; even now, the sight of it invariably warms me. (The Star card, 2 of Cups and Ace of Cups are others that give a zing to my heart upon drawing them.) The Sun card melted away the icy fear that had chilled my heart from the unnerving experience I had endured earlier that day. I blinked back tears of relief, and released a joyful sigh of momentary peace... the joy of knowing that "God/dess" was pleased with what I had done... indescribably comforting.

I walked through a divinely magical door that night, never to return. Since then, the Tarot has so many times brought tears to my eyes, joy to my heart, and direction and clarity into my life. It has been my best friend, my teacher, my Guide. It scolds me, it loves me, it teaches me about me. It is a direct line to "God/dess," to me, to "Me," and a blending thereof.

The Tarot offers incomparable guidance and the opportunity for profound healing. It changed the direction of my life so much for the better; it empowers me to help myself and others. It inspires me toward fearlessness, it diminished my fear of death, and I can't imagine my life without it. It affirms that we do in fact create our own realities with our thoughts and feelings, which encompass our intentions and beliefs. And those are the brick and mortar of our individual realities. The Tarot is a jewel waiting to be discovered...

© Dove Star , 2003

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dove Star recently uprooted herself from the South and now lives in beautiful southern Oregon. She is a college-educated administrative assistant whose central focus is her spiritual growth and development. Besides her beloved Tarot, she also loves to write and paint, and do pretty much anything with color. She adores animals and Nature, and regularly studies animal totems. She has a potent ability to see/hear "signs" in the physical. She offers spiritual, psychic-Tarot readings (e-mail or phone) via her website www.TarotwithLove.com.