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Wholistic
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| NOT LONG AGO I WAS ASKED what it is that defines the perfect relationship. Not an easy question! How do you define perfect? What is perfect for one couple could be totally boring for another. But I did have an answer. The relationship you have with Self defines the relationships that you have with other people. Your relationship with Self is your relationship with life. When I write Self with a capitol S, I am referring to Who I Am. No relationship with another person can be truly wholistic until our relationship with Self is based in love and respect. And this is rare. How can you truly love another person if love is a stranger in your own 'inner' relating with Self? In other words, how can you express love out, if love is not experienced within? Begin by accepting yourself. How do you do this? By ceasing all self-criticism. Self-criticism is probably the most destructive of all habits. The person who continually criticizes themselves will criticize other people. They have no choice. Their inner habit demands it. And this, in turn, will cause the souring of any and all relationships. Most families, however close, are a hot bed of small angers, personal grievances, and continual arguments. Without any doubt, we have a far greater potential. In all these cases, the people involved do not have a supportive and uplifting relationship with Self. This is not bad, neither is it wrong, but it does maintain relationships that are non-supportive and demanding, rather than supportive and giving. In any relationship, look for what you enjoy and admire in the other person. Ignore what aggravates and frustrates you. What you focus on grows. If you focus on what you like about the person, and tell them how much you appreciate this quality, it will expand and prosper. If instead - and sadly, most people do this - you focus on what you do not like, offering criticism, then that quality too will expand and prosper! Why is it so difficult for people to focus on the positive, rather than automatically engage the negative? If we are fortunate enough to have children in our life, we, as adults, have the opportunity to again grow with the vigor and energy of youth. I have five delightful grandchildren. I 'really' enjoy them. By observing them I am able to recapture elements of my own childhood that were undernourished. I never experienced having a grandfather to play with me, or hug me as a boy. My own father did not hug me. He was inhibited because he was a man, and I was a boy! So when I had boys of my own I made sure that I hugged them, and told them how much I loved them. I do it to this day, and they are, of course, men. Equally, when I hug my grandsons, not only am I a grandfather hugging them, but the child in me that missed this experience finds it in them. What I am saying is; when I hug my grandsons, I am also the grandson being hugged. This is real, and very wholistic. I look for the wholistic connections in my relationships, and the subtlety of some of the connections astounds me. Let me share an example of what I mean. I have a ten-year-old grandson named Jaspher. When he was about eight I noticed that I treated him rather harshly. One of my sons and my daughter pointed this out to me, but I was aware of it. I was strict with him, with too much discipline. And none of this was Jaspher's fault. He is an incredible boy, bright, intelligent, quiet, obedient, beautiful to the eye, and a great companion. Why was I so strict, harsh? I knew that it would affect our relationship, and it was. He was wary around me, and inclined to avoid me. I don't blame him! So, why was I treating him like this? I gave it a lot of thought, eventually looking back into my life at around his age. And there I found the answer. When I was about eight, nine, ten years old, I saw my father as a strict, harsh man of about sixty something. What I saw in my father, I was acting out - as a man of sixty something - to Jaspher who was the age that I had been. In other words, I became what I had hated and focused on in my father when I was a boy! How subtle is that? We are such complicated Beings in our relationships. Once I had seen this, I changed my behavior immediately. I became open, friendly, receptive, and relaxed with Jaspher. Within a month our relationship had completely changed. He was relaxed around me, played jokes on me, and we chatted about things boy to boy. And yet, the key was me, at his age, and my relationship with my dad who was the age that I am now. He married late, I married young! This is
the way of it. We can settle for the way that our relationships with
the various members of our family is currently being expressed, and
with our many and varied friends, or, we can attempt to raise each and
every relationship to a higher level. I chose the latter. With all the
people in my life on a regular basis, I attempt to raise our relationship
to an ever higher level. My wife, Treenie, and I have now been married
for forty-three years. Each day I deliberately consider that this day
is precious to me, and to our relationship, and I do my best to ensure that it
is never wasted, or treated as trivial, or as yesterday revisited. Each
day I tell Treenie that I love her, because each day that is a new and
exciting Truth. And each day I uncover more of me, more of Self, and
more of Life. This is what it is all about. To live each relationship
in such a wholistic way that life reveals ever more of Truth to you
... and with a smile! © Michael J. Roads, 2004 If
you enjoyed this article, for less than the price of one single cup
of coffee a month |
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Copyright:
New Earth Publications, 1999-2009. PlanetLightworker.com is published
by New Earth Publications, | |||||||||
Michael
J. Roads was
born in 1937, in England. From his earliest years Michael delved into
the mysteries of a hidden, silent nature. By young adulthood he had
become an outdoorsman, farmer and gardener. At 21 he married Treenie
- "the smartest thing I ever did!" In their mid-twenties
they emigrated with their two sons to Tasmania, the island state of
Australia, where they continued farming for the next decade. With
a newly born desire for personal growth, feelings shared equally by
Treenie, they sold their farm and embarked on a year's journey around
Australia with their children, now numbering four. The culmination
of their odyssey was the founding of an intentional community based
on the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland. This was a time of challenge,
inner growth and dynamic change. This also was the period during which
Michael connected with the inner, metaphysical expression of nature.
