I GUESS MOST everyone around my age has probably heard the pop standard recorded by Tina Turner way back in the 80’s - a decade and a song that seemed to reflect a generation experiencing the unconscious early stages of a deep dissatisfaction with a heritage of relationships largely built upon fear-based belief systems.

What’s love got to do with it?
What’s love but a sweet old-fashioned notion?

If you have ever heard the song, you might, as I did, detect a bit of anger, resentment, and ultimately resignation about the idea that love might just be nothing more than a sweet old-fashioned notion. Things have changed, but what, exactly?

It seems that much depends on how one defines what that “notion” was to begin with. Many people would recount a model where our individual participation was largely defined around accepted gender roles. While the roles have evolved, it becomes increasingly difficult to operate within a belief system that has not kept pace with the natural expansion and expression of those roles. The conflict this creates has led many people to express love through a filter of fear. This fear of loss of identity is not reserved for personal relationships alone. Each act of violence ever perpetrated begins with at least one belief based in fear that justifies for us the committing of that violent act. The moment we open our minds to the possibility that the way we express love may just be “old-fashioned” and in need of a different perspective, we immediately run into our fear of change and the unknown. The familiarity of the entity we “think” we know, no matter that it does not really serve our true happiness, is tempting to return to, especially in the face of what we perceive as the complete unknown where all manner of terrible outcomes may be lurking. One thing all of our pasts can show us, if we choose to see, is that evolution, ascendance, a reunion with our true selves goes on in spite of our refusal to accept the invitation to attend the party. Our reluctance to acknowledge and examine our fears is the simple reason many people experience their life as anything but a party.

The ego is driving, has a full tank of high test fear-based beliefs, and is refusing to listen to the soul and take the next exit off the old familiar loop. The Soul, in its eternal nature, waits patiently. The ego, in its mortality, is impatiently racing around in circles and buying “ain’t skeered” and “Fear this” stickers for its windshield.

What’s love got to do with it?
What’s love but a second hand emotion?

Is love a second hand emotion? The first thing to consider here is that anything we attempt to define, love or otherwise, “is” to each individual exactly what they believe it to be. My belief that it may be otherwise does not alter the personal reality of another. So, if you can relate to this statement “love is a second hand emotion” you first have to admit that you do. What then would be the first hand emotion? If we were to answer honestly, most of the time we would have to admit that the clear 1st place winner in this race would be fear. If you have the courage, observe yourself for even just 30 minutes as you interact with your life. Notice how many of your feelings can be traced directly to fear, assuming you are willing to admit that you may even have any fears. Try this experiment some time: ask a person what they are afraid of. Their answer to this question can reveal how much in fear they are and just how deep in denial they are about it. The person who angrily responds, “I am not afraid of anything”, fears your seeing their fear and, even more importantly, fears knowing it themselves. The ego is driving around in circles again.

Seeing our own fear as an emotion that we can change is made more difficult by the ego. When we identify with the ego as who we are, we fear. If the ego were truly who we are this would make practical good sense. The ego alone, as an identity, would indeed have much to fear. We are not the ego alone and the belief that we are makes it all the more difficult for our soul to take its rightful place as the director of the show. Our belief that we are our ego, our mind, and our body alone is the reason so many of us lead lives of quiet and not so quiet desperation. We never really find and sustain joy, hope and peace, as these belong to the realm of the Soul. The ego, the mind, and the body are important tools, gifts really, in order that our Soul may navigate the physical plane, but, unfortunately, many of us mistake the hammer, the level and the saw for the house.

© R. Kim Gongre, 2005

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kim Gongre is a freelance writer, web designer and Transition Counelor assisting others to identify and transition out of fear-based belief systems. After leaving metropolitan Houston and the corporate world behind, Kim now resides in the beautiful Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee with her partner and animal family.