LIKE MANY IN this day and new age, I've come to realize that my divine spark loves to party like it's 2012. Whenever I try to stick with just one spiritual practice, tool, belief, or philosophy for too long, I start itching like a Newfoundland puppy stuck in the Sahara. My spirit loves to shake things up (and out), play by no rules and laugh giddily in the face of rigidity. Its only constant is movement.

Now, I used to work hard to solidify my divine self, build something stable, like instilling a daily Zen meditation beneath its wiggly butt, but try as I might, my spirit just didn't want to do the same thing day after day. I felt like had spiritual ADD. As a result, I spent years thinking I must be incredibly unevolved, undisciplined, uber-egocentric and the like, because my spirit just couldn't settle down. But I've since come to realize my personal cosmic jitterbug isn't due to rebellion, or avoidance, or the new age "dizzies" (i.e.; too many spiritual choices). Nope, it's just me, expressing my true nature, even if it looks like the Energizer Bunny on too much Red Bull. So, after much trial and error, and no matter how crazy the dance steps might look, I've finally learned to quiet down the internal (and external) critics and let my spirit lead. And so should you.

Bubble Power
While we all have unique expressions, paths, and experiences of our divinity, I believe there's something incredibly important about keeping our spirituality dynamic and energized and fluid, allowing it to redefine itself as we progress. It's a basic truism: We are always growing and evolving, our consciousness is continuously expanding, and if we cling too hard to some teacher or spiritual practice or belief that's working for us now, we might prevent our divine sparks from stretching further, from releasing what it needs to, in order to make room for new awareness, new lessons, new wonder.

A potent example from my own life: I used to believe that in order to be a strong, empowered woman who wouldn't get pushed around in this crazy world or be whacked by all the negative or dark energy, I needed to protect myself. I practiced a popular energetic technique taught by many new-age teachers, which involved imagining myself surrounded by a hard protective shell or bubble. I would blow that bubble up every day and use it all the time, from shoe shopping to concerts to meditation to just reading the newspaper.

For awhile, it worked quite well (and it still does, on occasion). I loved this practice and told all my girlfriends about it and was feeling oh-so-special and strong, because I believed I'd finally learned the answer to why we sometimes feel so grimy and gross after we've been around crowds, or when we walk down that street and have strange men whistle catcalls at us. Because we were letting all that nasty badness and horny male energy into our sacred space without any protection, that's why! The solution? Bubble power, baby.

Now, I still feel this technique is a great idea, and can be very useful at times. But after a while, I found that trying to keep myself protected all the time exhausted me. The protective bubble began to feel like a wall, a separation, a denial, a me-versus-them chasm, and ultimately a weakness, as I finally realized I was creating it not out of a desire for more assuredness, but out of fear. Recognizing that my bubble was more a distancing device than true strength, I began to let it disintegrate.

And sure enough, as soon as I did, new beliefs began to replace the old. Information that supported my new, bubble-less spirit began to magically appear. Like, for example, a dust-covered, slightly cheesy Tai Chi video I happened upon while cleaning my closet, which discussed why there is more power in "working with" rather than "working against." Or a snippet from a magazine article I happened upon during a layover in the O'Hare airport, which mentioned a Taoist belief that there is more strength in allowing things to flow through you then fighting to keep them out. And then there was that yoga teacher who whispered in my ear one class, that moving with love is stronger than moving in fear (and he was kind of cute, so I really heard that one). And so on.

The point is, it's not that the bubble technique is wrong, it's that it was no longer working for me in the same way, and by trying to hold onto it, I was unknowingly blocking what my spirit wanted me to experience next. I had become too attached to the idea of protection, let it define me for a bit, turned it into some sort of hard and fast rule, when in fact it was just another helpful tool along the way that can, and should, eventually give way to something else.

The irony in my example is, of course, that I would not have really understood the flow - that using a love energy is, for me, an even more powerful and fluid form of "protection" - if I did not go through my bubble phase. It was a mandatory chapter, and its lessons were invaluable. And yes, it was a little embarrassing to go back to some friends and say, "Oh yeah, by the way, all that whoop-dee-la I shouted about putting up bubbles and protecting ourselves? Well, um, I'm not so sure it's right for me anymore. Sorry." Sigh. Thank goodness for understanding friends.

The Truth Won't Set You Free, Unless It's Your Own
How many times have we grown out of a particular spiritual practice, but clung on because we're being loyal to our teacher, or because it served us so well once upon a time, or because the tradition tells us we need to keep it up, or because our partner/community loves it, or because we're scared some nasty dark energy booger is gonna slime us if we don't? We need to be discerning. We need to keep asking ourselves how we are using our spiritual tools and beliefs. Do we wrap them around ourselves tightly in fear, or do we keep ourselves loose and let them expand us into more love, more trust, and more energetic responsibility? Take a look around your spiritual life. Check in with your internal guidance system. Is there a particular spiritual tool or practice or belief or even teacher you may have out-grown? Is your spirit trying to shake free of something?

Of course, the signal to move on or shift our practices, beliefs, teachers ain't always obvious. Sometimes we absorb someone else's protocol, some traditional or trendy spiritual roadmap to enlightenment and by doing so, we often override or subvert our own unique map. Truth is, even if you find yourself nodding yes yes yes to the most super-duper amazing, most profoundly enlightened teachings, disciplines, or beliefs you've ever encountered in your entire life ever, your divine spark might be quietly nudging you in another direction. No matter how great it is, that particular truth just might not be what your spirit wants to experience right now.

Move, Damnit!
About four years ago I enrolled in a spiritual class that taught me some excellent tools I still use today. The people who ran this school were amazing, grounded, ethical, loving, intelligent and honestly striving towards personal enlightenment. The practices and disciplines they taught were very effective and quite powerful. There was much positive resonation with what I'd studied in the past. Over time, as I kept moving up through the different class levels, I became increasingly attached to the class and its beliefs and I began to let these beliefs take a more active role in my life.

Soon, huge life transitions loomed. A move, what looked like the end of a loving relationship, and a career change all suddenly popped up at once, and my class applauded me for creating these changes and told me it was part of my spiritual progression, and this would help me move into my spiritual power, blah blah blah. "Cool!" I thought, "I'm becoming all enlightened and empowered and stuff by going through these huge incredibly painful changes!" (Pain is often part of spiritual growth, they were quick to remind me).

But something felt a little off. As I pressed myself forward through these changes using the class' techniques, beliefs, and practices to define and shape them, I began to, you know, freak out, and my body and emotions began to seriously overreact. I couldn't sleep, or eat, and I cried oceans. Every time a classmate would call to give me some spiritual help I would feel like a suit of armor was constricting me. They told me my sadness and anxiety and bizarre armor-like sensations were due to past karma and my fears of moving forward on my spiritual path. Sounded kind of right, I mean whatever was going on was definitely kicking my butt and I so desperately wanted to be the A+ student and gain more spiritual power.

But one day healthy doubt crept up and I started looking back at the past nine months and realized how much my life had been totally absorbed into this class. I acknowledged that the initial information was good for me, but wondered if all the rest was, too. I began to question whether these big life changes were coming from my authentic self making its natural move, or from the class' movement? And, through talking all this out with a dear friend who was outside of the class, I suddenly realized I only wanted to make these types of huge life changes if I could sense them coming from my true self, even if they "would help me move more deeply into my spiritual power (blah blah blah)."

The lights went on! The heavy armor fell off! I realized where and how I started to lose my power by letting my experience be guided by an outside source (even though the outside source was very "spiritual" and intuitive and compassionate). Surprised, I realized the point of all this was to walk down that mountain. To take my power back. To leave one truth for my own. I left the class, reconnected with my self, and moved on in my own way. I still admire and respect those teachers and techniques greatly, but I'm happier and healthier (and actually growing faster) by allowing my inner artist to color outside the lines and paint my own path.

That lesson bit me on the ass. The good ones usually do.

Messiah Yourself
Here's the deal: There are multiple truths floating around, and the trick is to find the frequencies that align with your personal vibration, to only engage those which encourage and support your organic growth, at that specific time. Using discernment and trusting yourself is an enormous part of your path. It isn't always easy - you must have the courage to walk away, even if you think s/he's the next Messiah, if it just does not feel right to you. This can sometimes feel incredibly lonely and might cause others to think you are coming back in your next life as a toad, but to heaven with 'em. You gotta walk your own inner talk, toad-doomed or not. That's what they mean by authoring your own spiritual experience. That's empowering your Self. That's living the Red!

One more thing: I'm not rejecting or judging the spiritual beliefs or practices I let go of - I'm simply expanding my tool chest, keeping my life spontaneous, allowing my intuition, the voice of my divine spark, to guide me to what's needed now so I can grow even more. What I let go of, I might use again in the next five minutes, or five years, or five decades. I don't shut anything out. I keep myself open and primed and ready to grab whatever it is I may need next. I keep dancing the fire, never settling down for too long in one spot, finding peace and stability within the divine flow.

As I say in The Red Book (195-196):

Remember, every concept, every belief has a ceiling. A limit. And we all know divinity likes to go topless. The trick is to hold certain beliefs that serve you for that time, but not to cling to them when your spirit wants to become more daring and take it all off. After all, only through personal change and evolution do those practices have any real effect. This is not to suggest that you should toss away valuable spiritual beliefs whenever you feel the slightest intuitive tug or when you experience a lag, but it's just a simple reminder to always be active and open to the new.

© Sera Beak, 2006

Sera will be featured as a guest speaker this month on WorldPuja.org.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sera Beak is a world-traveled, Harvard-trained scholar of mysticism and comparative religion andan intrepid cowgirl.

The Red Book is her first book - in this life. She may write another. Or she may just stop trying to explain the inexplicable and build a bird sanctuary.Or she might finally create that cool toy for young girls she's been dreaming about. She is happiest being a mover. But not of furniture. She lives in San Francisco, drives a purple car, cohabits with an effusive African Grey parrot named Anaya, and has an unnatural affection for human bloopers.

She would love to hear from you. And You. www.serabeak.com