Although we share human desires, feelings, fears, and pain, our individual stories are uniquely different. Each of us experiences loss and gain, honor and dishonor, success and failure, love and loveless ness. Even the most deprived person knows moments of ecstasy; even the most successful person knows moments of despair.

Most of us grow up with a damaging story that something is wrong with us, and the conditioning is very strong to keep generating self-demeaning stories. It was the experience of losing everything and being imprisoned and the resulting pain that gave me such a deep resolve to embrace myself. I knew there was no freedom unless I could love this life without holding back. This did not mean I was going to ignore my flaws and stop seeking to improve what I could. But in the deepest way, I was not going to fixate on the conclusion that something was wrong with me.

Self-judgment continues to arise - it's a strong habit - but the fact that I made a conscious commitment to recognize it has helped me to stop feeding the story of being unworthy. It is all about skillfully regarding our stories and not getting caught in them, in recognizing when we get caught in our mental dramas.

Because we have such a deeply-grooved habit of rejecting and condemning ourselves, I find that emphasis on the word "acceptance" is central in healing. It brings our attention to the possibility of saying yes to what we are experiencing in the moment.

In a basic way, acceptance is seeing clearly what is happening and holding it with kindness. This is a radical antidote to the suffering of a judging mind. Ultimately, our life story is about discovering the freedom of being without anxiety about imperfection and living a life of greater joy and integrity.

Personal Prisons

Mohini, a white tiger, spent years pacing back and forth in her twelve-by-twelve foot cage in the Washington, D.C. National Zoo. Eventually, a natural habitat was created for her. Covering several acres, it had hills, trees, a pond, and a variety of vegetation. With excitement and anticipation, the staff released Mohini into her new and expansive environment. The tiger immediately sought refuge in a corner of the compound. There she lived for the remainder of her life, pacing back and forth in an area measuring twelve-by-twelve feet.

Some prisons are built with concrete, steel, and razor wire. Others are built in the dungeons of our minds. Through freedom is possible, we often pass our years trapped in the same old patterns. We cage ourselves into our self-imposed prisons with self-judgment and anxiety. Then, with the passing of time, we, like Mohini, grow incapable of accessing the freedom and peace that is our birthright.

However, life is continually calling us to become more, to journey into the wilderness and face the truth of our lives. In my case, the shell of my life had to be softened, broken down even, by the experience of coming to prison, before the moment of truth could appear. I needed to be humbled, cooked in the tears of loss, for any deeper life to emerge.

A new life requires a death of some kind; otherwise, it is nothing new, but rather a shuffling of the same old deck. What we die to is an outworn way of being in the world. We are no longer who we thought we were.

On the deepest level, this journey of awakening opens us to the innermost center of love.

It's Just How it Is!

A look in the mirror when we first wake up can truly be one of life's most potent wake-up calls. The inevitable changes in the physical body and the accompanying wrinkles and gray hair remind us of our transitory nature. The awareness of this, however, can set us free - free from the illusion that one more face lift or tummy tuck will bring us happiness and immortality. It is like chasing after the wind. When we stop chasing the wind, we can begin to live in peace.

Every bulwark against aging is slowly corroded by the necessity of impermanence. Everything put together falls apart. And for everything that falls apart, something new and unexpected is born to take its place. The mulch of generations of leaves and branches fertilizes every manner of plant, fungus, tree and flower. Life emerges from death and death from life at every turn in the trail. It feels as if the earth is absolutely incapable of not producing life at every opportunity.

When we are aware that we, too, are part of this forest, part of this cycle of replacement, we feel at once the larger context to which we so thoroughly belong. We awaken to our part in the larger impermanence of all things. The seasons of our life, like the seasons of earth, are in constant motion.

The moon, the stock market, our hearts, the whirling galaxies all expand and contract with the rhythms of life. Every wise voyager learns that we cannot hold on to the last port of call, no matter how beautiful. To do so would be like holding our breath, creating a prison from our past.

The fact of aging means that we are transformable and in meeting these transformations with an embrace, wherever we are becomes holy ground, the seat of enlightenment. Aging inspires us to be more fully alive. It allows us to live more gently and easily, to let go of many cumbersome responsibilities and begin to more thoroughly enjoy ourselves. It inspires us to say, "Every day is a miracle. I feel such joy to just be alive today. I only give my care and attention to what is really important - being loving, being kind, creating beauty, being grateful."

A big help for me has been remembering that change is not a mistake. It's just how it is. So in experiencing the aging body, that's what my mantra has become: "It's just how it is!" (How amazing!)

© 2005, Tom Brown

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