Remember To Remember

THERE IS A HINDU STORY of the child in the womb who sang, "Let me remember who I am." And his first cry after birth was, "Oh, I have forgotten."

Of course the external world tells us who we are. The Arizona Department of Corrections and much of society may consider me to be just an inmate with a number and with time to serve in prison. But to myself I am a being who fits no pigeonhole, a bud beginning to unfold, a story waiting to be told. My unique, precious life is a work in process.

No matter how we have been defined by others, well-meaning or not, and no matter how we have defined ourselves, no definition can bring lasting certainty. Are we the object or are we the awareness of the object? The object comes and goes. The parent, the child, the lover, the victorious one, the defeated one - these identifications come and go. The awareness of these identifications is always present. When we are willing to stop the misidentification and discover directly and completely that we are awareness itself and not these impermanent definitions, the search for ourselves in thought ends.

Now we discover an astounding realization: we are free, whole, endless. There is no boundary to us. We are awareness and awareness is consciousness. In letting go of all definitions, we see what remains. We are what is never born and does not die. When we are dissolved like an ice cube in water, then there is nothing else, only love, and then there is no such thing as two.

This discovery does not come in time, but in timelessness, when the mind sinks into the heart, when thoughts begin to change from blame to acceptance and appreciation, and even praise. And we remember who we are.

The Lesson

FIRST THERE WAS THE LOSS of a relationship; it broke me open the way lightening strikes a tree.

Then there was the loss of material goods; it broke me wider, the way a flood carves the banks of a narrow stream.

Then there was the loss of freedom by coming to prison; this broke me the way wind shatters glass.

Each time, I tried to close up what had been opened. It was a reflex, natural enough. But the lesson was, of course, the other way. The lesson was in never closing again.

It has taken me many years to learn that the world comes flooding in if I can only keep myself open. Through the open heart, the world comes rushing in, the way oceans fill the smallest hole along the shore. It is the quietest sort of miracle; by simply being who we are, the world will come to fill us, to cleanse us, to baptize us, again and again.

© 2001-09, Tom Brown

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Charles "Tom" Brown was a successful investor who did very well in real estate, oil, and the stock market. Friends began asking him to invest for them, too. And he did. Things went well, and more people heard about his abilities and wanted to be included in the investment strategies he had devised. All went well until there was a dramatic change in the market. All that went up turned down, and Tom wanted everyone to still have a profit - his big mistake - as he wanted to be well thought of. Tom was accused of defrauding investors. Although it was shown that he had never diverted any money for himself other than a modest commission, through unbelievable mishandling by an incompetent or dishonest attorney, what should have been a one-year sentence became a 17-year sentence. At the time of judgment, Tom was 62 years of age.

The purpose of Tom's blog is not to dwell on the injustice, but rather, to show the incredible unfoldment of consciousness in a man who has taken this sentence and created a workshop of Soul and Spirit out of it. His words are designed to help us see into life and do better with what we've been given. Tom's Beyond the Wall blog is located at www.Beyondthewall.blogs.com.  If you would like to write to Tom, he appreciates correspondence.  He does not have access to a computer but can be reached via Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237, ASPC - Florence - East Unit, P.O. Box 5000, Florence, AZ 85232.